Betty: Does Daniel know that you feel this way about him?
Amanda: Please. He’s Daniel Mead. Take a number and wait in line.
Betty: I’m sure he feels the same way about you two. I mean, don’t you two have some kind of an agreement?
Amanda: Yeah he dates anything that moves. And I agreed to smile and take their messages. And now I’m sending them flowers too.
Betty: Amanda, if you knew who he was why did you get so involved?
Amanda: Because I thought he would get sick of serial dating. I’m sure as hell am.
Betty: And what if he doesn’t.
Amanda: He will. I’ll just wait.
- Ugly Betty, The Lyin’, The Watch And The Wardrobe
*******
February promises to be a better month.
I was unusually perky and everything was seemingly normal. Which makes it not normal considering my current situation. I refuse to believe that after four days of struggling for my betterment (or sanity), that I have come to terms with reality.
It was only yesterday that I was Amanda. I was the girl who dated this tall, dark and handsome serial dater (why do players come in good packages?). I was the girl who kept her thoughts and emotions locked up at the fear of losing whatever it is that the two of them has. I was the girl who kept her smile intact and acted nonchalantly whenever he did her wrong. I was Monday!
To be fair though he did warn her – not to focus on him, not to make him her priority, not to fall in love. But people are built differently. And way before they had this agreement, she had already fallen in love with him. Who can blame her? He was sweet to her in his own way. He was her constant (and only) date for the past year. He was her world.
Everything was going smooth until that fateful day when she just had to burst from all those pent up emotions. And things went downhill from there.
But she kept on giving. He kept on taking. It’s like a vicious cycle that she refuses to cut off. Even after all these time, her mantra has been “I’ll wait for him to change his mind”. Willing to stand strong amidst this emotional hurricane.
But today it’s different. I’m scared.
I can remember writing, "I’m holding on to you" but I can feel that I’m barely hanging on.
Although I’m looking forward to how February will turn out for me. Somehow, a part of me still yearns for Monday.
