kwentong palaboy

"... saktan na kayo, andito lang ako, kami para sa'yo pero wag ko lang malalaman na kayo ang nananakit dahil pinalaki ko kayong maayos at may pinag-aralan..."

Nakakamangha.

Hindi ko inaasahang makasalamuha ng ganitong pahayag sa blog na pahapyaw kong binasa kanina. Kunsabagay, ang buhay ay puno talaga ng sorpresa, bawat sulok, bawat minuto, palaging merong nangyayaring di mo inaasahan.

Sa ibinahagi ng manunulat, aking naalala kung paano naging isa sa mga gabay sa pagpapalaki sa akin ng sarili kong magulang ang nasabing prinsipyo.

Hindi ito pagiging martir, o doormat. Malayong-malayo ako sa ganoong paglalarawan dahil hindi naman ako magpapatalo lalo na kung ako ang nasa katuwiran. Ngunit sa aking opinyon, inaasahan ako, o kung sino mang tao, na magkaroon ng kakayahan na kumilos ng naaangkop sa lugar, panahon at pangyayari. Inaasahan na manguna sa isipan ang pagbibigay respeto sa kapwa dahil ito ay pagbibigay respeto na rin sa sarili. Ang simple, di ba?

Nakakatuwa at meron talagang mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang matutunan sa alinmang paaralan.

*******

Ito ay para kay T2 na natutuwa, kahit hindi nagkokomento, kapag nagsusulat ako sa Tagalog.

what it all comes down to

But for a change, I chose the path I seldom take. It's the one that cuts through Paseo. One less block to walk, a lot less smog to course through. The green surroundings, refreshing. New faces, intriguing.

Passing by a convenience store, I noticed a child walking out carrying a promotional merchandise for a movie that I just saw.

"Ang ganda-ganda," Prince exclaimed as we walked out of the theater. We were among the last ones to leave as we stayed behind, thinking there would be a post-credits scene. Apparently, there was none.

"Gusto kong bumili ng toy na ganun! Ano kaya maganda," he asked with much gusto but he must have noticed that my mind was elsewhere. "Hoy, di ka nakikinig," he added as he playfully punched my arm.

"Bumblebee," I reacted. "Kanina mo pa ako sinusuntok kaya."

"Hehehe," he smirked. "Ayaw ko. Masyadong common."

"Starscream," I suggested another.

"Kalaban yun, eh."

"Yung twins?"

"Panget."

And it went on until we reached the veranda leading to the walkway.

"Hay naku! Malungkot ka na naman," he said knowingly.

"Hindi."

"Kaya nga kita niyaya manuod ng movie eh para di ka mag-isip tapos all this time yun pala nasa utak mo."

I didn't react. I didn't have anything to say except that he was right. I was sad. No, I was sad and lonely. It wasn't quite surprising really that he managed to read me that well, given that we have only known each other for such a short span of time. I am that transparent. Anyone can tell if something's bothering me.

Even if it wasn't his responsibility to do so, Prince took the effort of consoling me once again. "Do you know who's really worth it," he asked, possibly referring to a discussion we have had a few days back. "Those who stay," he added without waiting for my answer. "Kahit anong mangyari. Alala mo yung sinabi ko sa'yo noong una nating mapag-usapan to?"

"Ano yun," I uttered without looking at him.

"Give it space, time. Pero you have to know that you have to keep moving forward, with or without him."

By then, I found myself halfway along Makati Avenue, in another intersection, and the walk sign, it just turned green.

lucky

I am. ☺

i'm lost but i'm hopeful

It takes about twenty minutes at most to walk from the office to my place. In that short span of time, I get a lot of work done, and by work, I mean thinking, processing thoughts on the usual - life and love, what to blog, and what not to blog.

That's why I find walking therapeutic. I don't care if I sound like a broken record for repeating it for like a dozen times already, but it is. Indeed, the body tires. Much more so for the lower extremities, especially when one is wearing leather shoes; which is what I have on right now.

There are moments when I won't mind traversing the length of two avenues after office, on my way home; but now's not one of those instances, given the circumstances, given the weather. I was too eager to be home and lay down on my bed, and cry myself to sleep, or something like that, but sometimes, things happen - an occurrence that other people might coin as an act of selflessness.

Rather than deprive someone of a small fraction of what they're supposed to earn for the day, I opted to walk, and I just prayed that the clouds will hold up until I'm safely sheltered.

So I tell myself, "Walking does wonders".

There is solace in letting the mind wander. There is a simple joy in noticing the simplest of things that one passes by - like the old building where I used to work, or that flea market which a friend used to visit on lunch breaks, or that short stretch between two landmarks where I would occasionally bump into one, or two crushes, or that crack on the street pavement which I have tripped on a couple of times, or that traffic signage which constantly reminds me of how I stupidly walked straight into one a year and a half ago, or this cafe by the corner, those seats by the window which became witnesses to how we shared stories, told secrets, and judged people.

It surprises me how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time it was formed. Truly, walking takes my mind farther than where the feet can take me. In as much as it lets me relive memories, walking grants me a unique sense of level-headedness in dealing with them; for memories can be crippling - holding on too tightly makes us so used to seeing shades of gray that we tend to be blind to the better and brighter things that are in front of us.

Yes, memories can be barriers, and it is hard to be stuck behind one.

And for the past couple of seconds, I've been standing on this crossroad wondering if I should head straight, or take a turn but I guess it doesn't really matter which path I choose. What's important is that I know what I need to do.

It's time for me to move along.


Just can't do nothin', gotta do something 'cause if I don't get into my car, I won't go very far.
- David Archuleta, Barriers

i'm broke but i'm happy

"I'll be going to Bohol pala," JJ said as she finished up the Charlie Chan pasta on her plate. Fortunately, she was able to join us at Yellow Cab. I was feeling restless that morning so I called JL for an emergency dinner.

"Puwede ba kami sumama," JL asked after finding out how inexpensive the package was.

"Ay! After two years and three months pa ako makakapag-travel, you guys," I interjected. "Daming gastos, eh. Sana maka-abot ako sa enrollment this time."

"Lalo naman ako. Wala na akong suweldo," JL said reminding us that she just tendered her resignation.

"Hahaha. Naalala ko tuloy yung nangyari last suweldo," I said chuckling. "My officemate and I were heading home. We were walking along Valero, talking about stuff. Mostly, trying to recall the movie Constantince. Napanuod kasi niya yun sa bus na sinakyan niya on the way to the office that morning."

"Ayan madilim na," I said.

"Oo nga. Sana wag akong abutan ng ulan. Siksikan pa naman na sa bus ng ganitong oras. Ikaw kasi eh," the officemate said.

"Anong ako? Di ko naman sinabi sa'yong hintayin mo ko..."

"Hehe. Joke lang. O sige. Ingat ka," he said as we reached the underpass. He was northbound. "Hoy, mamaya ha. Usap tayo," he added before heading down the stairs.

I nodded and walked towards the sheds. It was already past six so it was expected that the avenue will be littered by commuters by now.

Gusto ko na makauwi. Sana wag naman akong abutan ng ulan.

I waited patiently for the next empty jeepney, listening to Archie, oblivious to everything, when somebody playfully punched my right shoulder.

"Ah!" I was startled. I turned to face whomever it was only to find the the officemate grinning like an idiot standing behind me. "Oh," I asked.

"Pahiram naman ng 26 Pesos. Wala na akong barya pala," he asked still laughing at what he just pulled off.

"So I reached for my wallet and pulled out the last bill that I had," I continued the story. "Sakto yun eh. P20 talaga yung natira for that day. Hanggang sumuweldo kinabukasan kamo! Haha."

I fished out six more coins to complete his fare. "Ayan, kala ko kulang. Hehe." I said as I handed him the last of my money without hesitation.

"Salamat," he gratefully said as he took the change and headed back to the underpass.

"So ano ginawa mo," one of the girls asked while laughing.

"Ayun. Eh di napalakad ako pauwi nang wala sa oras. Hahaha," I said, proudly. "Kesa naman na siya yung maglakad pauwi hanggang Quezon city, di ba? Nagdasal na lang ako na wag umulan hangga't di ako nakakarating sa bahay."

i never loved the sun until it rained

And thirteen other realizations I came upon these past few days:

June 25
IF you never act, you will never know for sure.
Coffee with friends.

June 26
SECRETS kill relationships.
Short chat with Jay.

June 27
Too sad to think.

June 28
AT the end of the day, all we have is ourselves.
Talked to Jay, part I.

June 29
BEST FRIENDS - can't live with them, can't live without them.
Talked to Jay, part II.

June 30
INSENSIBLE people - can't live with them; end of statement.
Went to Cartimar.

July 01
TRUST is something that you have to give wholly, or not at all.
Watched Transformers.

July 02
Too sad to think.

July 03
IT'S perfectly human to feel disappointed.
Watched Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs with JJ and JL.

July 04
HOW you feel or don't feel about another says much about you; how they respond, says something about them.
Night out with friends.

July 05
EVERYONE deserves a second chance but not a third.
Played badminton with White.

July 06
Too busy to think.

July 07
SENSE of fulfillment trumps all negative vibes.
New Management Trainee joined the team.

July 08
Too busy to think.

July 09
BAD things do happen to good people.
Talked about the memorial service of Michael Jackson with colleagues.

July 10
PEOPLE will believe whatever it is that makes them feel good.
Read a blog.

July 11
INDIFFERENCE, not hate, is the opposite of love.
Brunch at Pancake House. Coffee at Eastwood. Dinner at Tagaytay.

As of this moment, for the very first time this year, I can comfortably say that I am quite happy.

sa ilalim ng isang kulambo, ikatlong bahagi

Naalimpungatan ako sa ingay sa labas ng aming silid. Tila mga yabag ng mga taong dumadaan. Nag-uusap. At tulad ng nakagawian ko na tuwing paggising, inabot ko ang aking cellphone para tingnan ang oras. Kaya pala, umaga na.

Ang sarap-sarap pang matulog, lalo na at masyadong pisikal ang nakalipas na araw pero napilitan na rin akong kumilos. Pinayuhan kami kahapon ng management na maaga umalis sa resort para maiwasan ang masamang panahon. Kaya kailangan masulit ang natitirang oras ng bakasyon.

Si Prince ay mahimbing pa ring natutulog kaya't dahan-dahan ang aking pagtayo mula sa kama.

"Ang aga pa..."

Mahinang winika ng bata. Marahil ay nagising na rin pero tulad ko ay tinatamad pa ring bumangon. Hindi naman siya kumilos kaya't nagtuloy na rin ako sa paghahanda.

"Labas lang ako ha. Iwan ko yung susi sa tabi mo." Pabulong kong binilin kay Princee na bumalik muli sa pagtulog sa ilalim ng kulambo, bago ako tuluyang lumabas ng silid.

Kasalukuyang nag-aagahan ang iba naming kasama nang datnan ko sila. Pagkatapos kumuha ng tinapay, palaman at maiinom ay dumiretso ako sa kanilang lamesa.

"Hindi kayo sumunod kagabi," hirit ng isa bago pa man ako maka-upo.

"Bakit ano meron kagabi," tanong ko pagkalapag ng plato ko sa lamesa.

"Tinawag namin kayo. Sabi niyo pa nga susunod na lang kayo pero wala naman," dagdag ng nasa tabi ko. "Kumakataok kami para yayain kayo."

"Hindi ko na maalala. Baka tulog na rin kami nung may sumagot. Hehe."

"Bonding moment pa naman yun."

"Ayos lang," nakangiti kong sinabi bago kumagat sa hawak na tinapay. "May nangyaring bonding din sa amin kagabi."

sa ilalim ng isang kulambo, ikalawang bahagi

"Ang tagal mong maligo," bungad ni Prince paglabas ko ng banyo.

"Hindi bumubula yung sabon, eh. Parang ang lagkit pa rin sa katawan. Tubig dagat ata yung lumalabas sa shower eh," reklamo ko habang naglalakad pasalubong sa kanya, palabas patungo ng veranda.

"Nakakatakot dito no?"

Nadinig kong sinabi niya habang ako ay nasa labas ng silid at nagsasampay ng basang damit. Napatingin ako sa kakahuyan. Ito ang likuran n gaming silid. Nakakatakot talaga. Madilim. Masukal.

At kahit sa loob din naman ng kuwarto. Pawid ang bubong at dingding, pwedeng-pwede na lumusot ang dila ng manananggal, kung meron man. Ang sahig naman ay may salit-salit na butas na kung saan makikita mo ang silong. Habang naglalakad ka, hindi malayong maisip mo na may mata ka na lang na makikitang nakatitig sa’yo paitaas.

Tinrangka kong mabuti ang pintuan ng veranda. Pati na rin yung bintana. Hayaan ko ng mainitan ako kaysa naman sa kung ano ang pumasok sa kwarto at saktan kami.

"Parang may buhangin kahit dito sa kama," sabi ni Prince habang nakaupo sa kama at nagsusuot ng puting t-shirt na pantulog niya. "Pinagpagpag ko na nga pero ganoon pa rin."

"Wow naman at nag-kusa na ayusin ang kama. Pero andaya mo. Diyan kaya yung side ko," sabi ko pagpasok sa loob ng kulambo. "Para naman ang weird nito."

"Haha. Na-una ako, eh. Ayos nga, parang pang-mayaman lang na kama."

"Mayaman? Ang init-init kaya. At nasa iyo lang nakatapat ang electric fan," sabi ko sabay tayo mula sa pagkakahiga para ayusin ang bentilador pero...

"Sira yan! Wahahahaha."

Bad trip. Ang init-init pa naman, as in. Bumalik na lang ako ulit sa kama.

"Lapit ka na lang dito sa lugar ko para matamaan ka ng hangin."

"Eh di nasikipan ka naman," sagot ko. "Saka lalong magiging mainit."

"Hehehe," tawa lang siya kasabay ng pagtunog ng kanyang cellphone. May nag-text.

Inabot ko ang cellphone ko pero napabuntong-hininga ako noong nakita kong walang signal.

Napatingin si Prince nang nadinig niya yun. "Wala ka pa ring signal? Teka nga," tanong niya sabay patay ng cellphone niya na marahan niyang binato sa nakabukas niyang bag sa gilid ng kama. "O para pareho tayong walang babasahing bagong message," dagdag niyang nakangiti. "Kaya ka malungkot kanina pa no?"

"Ha? Hindi. Hindi naman..."

"Oo kaya! Kanina ka pang tanghali walang imik." Tumagilid siya ng higa at nagpatuloy, "Kagabi lang ang saya mo nung nagkukuwento ka tungkol sa Tagaytay tapos ngayong umaga matamlay ka. Ano bang nangyari?"

"Wala naman. Pagod lang ako."

"Hay naku! O sige, ako na lang pakinggan mo..."

TO BE CONTINUED.

sa ilalim ng isang kulambo, unang bahagi

"O bakit ganito," tanong ko pagkapasok sa aming tutuluyang kwarto sa resort.

"Ah! Oo, sabi ni Larra kanina na isang kama lang daw pala," sagot ni Prince na kasunod kong pumasok sa silid.

Hay naku.

"Ayos lang yan," dagdag niya sabay higa sa kama. "Share na lang tayo."

"Malamang."

"Naman, parang ayaw mo ata akong katabi," banggit niya. "Mas gusto mo ata kasama si...," sabay bangon at kumilos na parang yung kasamahan naming niloloko niyang abnormal.

"Haha. Sira! Sumbong na kita talaga dun. Tara na! Nagugutom na ako," yaya ko habang papalabas ng pintuan ng silid.

Naghanda ng pananghalian ang staff ng resort. Nakakabusog. Sobra. Bumalik kami sa silid pagkatapos para magpahinga at magpalit ng damit pangligo. Matapos ang ilang minuto, tumungo kami sa tabing dagat. Di kagandahan ang panahon. Masyadong malakas ang alon ng dagat. Pero di pa rin kami nagpa-awat at sige ang paligo at pagtatampisaw sa tubig habang yung iba ay nagkukuwentuhan at kumukuha ng aming larawan.

Alas-kwatro nang maisipan kong magyaya na pumunta sa Puerto Galera mismo. Iminungkahi kong doon na rin kami mag-hapunan. Kaya pagkapalit ng damit, lumarga kami, sakay ng bangka, hindi alintana ang panganib ng paglalakbay sa ganoong panahon.

Sa awa naman ng Diyos ay nakarating kami sa aming destinasyon. Hatid-hatid naman ng tricycle, tinungo namin ang White Beach mula sa pier ng Puerto Galera. Doon lang ako nagka-signal.

Jay: Di nakakatakot sa boat? Maulan di ba?
Mak: Nakakatakot. Wala nga nag-aalala. Pati magulang ko. Grabe, as in.
Jay: Drama mo. Ako nag-alala. Ehehe. Tingnan mo tinanong kita.

Ang masama nito ay naubusan na rin ako ng baterya kaya hindi na ako nakasagot pa.

Alas-sais na rin kami natapos kumain ng hapunan. Yun din naman yung takdang oras na bumalik kami sa daungan ng Puerto Galera. Delikado na rin kasi mag-byahe kung aabutin ng kalaliman ng gabi kaya habang may konting liwanag pa ay sinimulan na naming tahakin ang daan pabalik.

TO BE CONTINUED.

yes, for the love of god

A couple of nights ago, I was browsing for a new buy at Fully Booked when I stumbled upon a collection of short stories written by Edgar Allan Poe. I remember owning a similar set, one that was given to me as a Christmas gift by my godfather. I picked the book up, thumbed through its pages and recognized a few titles such as The Gold-Bug, which is a detective form of narrative involving buried treasures and cyrptograms, The Tell-Tale Heart, which recounts the murder of an old man with a vulture eye, and of course, the timeless story of Montresor's killing of Fortunato in The Cask of Amontillado.

I was seven, or eight, when I first read The Cask. Like any normal kid, I found it difficult to appreciate the story at first considering that Poe used a lot of then-unfamiliar words like flambeaux, roquelaire, and Amontillado. While I knew that a cask is a container, I initially thought that Amontillado is some kind of creature. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was a kind of wine, and not a dinosaur.

As I read through, my grasp of Poe's work had become better. The more I understood, the more it piqued my interest. By then, I was painting pictures in my head; scenes like the part where Montresor started to wall up his frenemy, Fortunato. The latter laid down one brick after another, forming tiers that go all the way up -

"He's going to kill him. Oh my God," I remember exclaiming. I didn't know OMG back then.

And Montresor did. Poor Fortunato was buried alive; then burned to death. Montresor had his revenge for the supposed thousand damages Fortunate inflicted on him.

The Cask of Amontillado remains to be one of my favorite horror stories. Its take on the darker side of the human psyche sheds a brilliant light for the aggrieved.

Montresor stated:

"A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong."

Why suffer in silence when you can easily speak what's on your mind, and in the course, mend what needs mending?

As for those who are beyond retribution, the Fortunatos, wall them up and leave them for eternity. Life's better without them.