resolutions: 2008 must-dos

Everything's so undefined. I'm standing on the edge of my fear and I see it clear. Here's my resolution, I'm letting go. All I need to learn is along this road. And I just want to be the best man I can be. Breathe, here's my resolution.
- Nick Lachey, Resolution

*******

I honestly wanted to jump on the bandwagon and write something about my 2007. Or enumerate my resolutions for next year. But sadly I can't. For the past eight days I've managed to come up with 17 entries (alright, a few of them are just recycled from previous blogs but still...) but I can't come up with one lousy yearend entry.

*******

After three hours, I was moved to finish this post due to circumstances that I would rather not divulge for the moment.

I don't want to look back on what transpired in 2007 instead I want to list down what I need to do, and what I dream of doing this coming year.

• I need to learn how to save money. Or at least, make a realistic budget. Financial Planning is what I do for a living for Christ's sake.
• Starting 2008, I'll make it a tradition to have an out-of-town or out-of-country getaway at least once a year. (Thanks JoyC for the idea. Zambales tayo sa April ha!) This year, I'm planning to visit Palawan, Pangasinan, Zambales, Bohol and Singapore. Wish me luck!
  
• I'll really, really work on organizing my stuff at home. Ever since the renovation, I haven't really bothered to sort out my things (most especially my comicbook collection). And because of this, I end up buying duplicate copies of a single issue. Damn.
• I won't eat anything salty. Or sweet. And I won't eat lunch too.
• Or just enroll myself in a gym.
  
• I'll also try to avoid staying up way, way late.
• Learn how to drive. This has been my resolution last year. Obviously it did not happen.
  
• I'll also try not to use my iPod when I go to work in the morning. Instead, I'll just pray the rosary, or recite a simple prayer just like what I used to do during my college days.
• Lesser online time.
• Play badminton with Gracie. Or at least agree to accompany her in the court.
  
• Get rid of my insecurities. Read: accept myself for what I am. Read further: Learn to love and appreciate myself more.
  
• Try to get back to what I used to enjoy doing pre-July 2007 - spend time with my friends (videoke, wallclimbing, starbucks etc.), sort my comicbook collection by title then by issue number, watching dvds the entire weekend - those kind of things.
• Be an optimist - everything ends up alright and if it doesn't end up alright, then it's not yet the end.
  
• Start a new fashion sense - stop wearing my heart out on my sleeve. (Because a certain person disapproved my supposed resolution of "learning how to play".)

This is possibly my most incoherent entry but I love that it's also the most spontaneous.

Here's to everything that's in store for us this 2008! May we have the best this coming year.

50 odd things

01. Do you like cheese?
Yes. It's my favorite palaman sa tinapay.

02. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Nope.

03. Do you own a gun?
Nope. Guns are bad.

04. Your favorite song?
"Gardenia" by Mandy Moore.

05. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yeah, that's why I try to avoid being sick. Even during the annual medical check-up, I make sure that I'll be on leave on the scheduled date.

06. What do you think of hotdogs?
I love them. To death. Ahaha.

07. Favorite Christmas song?
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey because it's a happy sad love song (like "Always Be My Baby").

08. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee first, then water.

09. Can you do push ups?
Yep, used to do it every morning but hindi na rin nowadays.

10. Favorite super-hero?
Psylocke. Then Angel. Then Jean Grey.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
The bracelet my mom gave to me although I lost it na.

12. Favorite hobby?
Daydreaming.

13. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
Haha. Charm.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I think. Don't you think so too?

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
I have a very low self-esteem. I think.

16. Middle Name?
Before anything else - Jela, middle NAME, iha. Anyway, mine's Evangelista.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment
- "Ang hirap naman ng walang unli. Natitiis niyang hindi magtext?"
- "New Year na."
- "Nauuhaw na ko. Ang pangit nung flavor ng Spuds na nabili last time."

18. Name 3 things you bought today?
I haven't bought anything today. I haven't even gone out of my room yet.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Coffee, Cold Water, Iced Tea.

20. Current worry right now?
I've got a lot of things to worry about on my plate right now. Seriously.

21. Current hate?
Myself.

22. Favorite place?
My room.

23. How will you bring in the New Year?
Celebrate it with my family with a feast and some fireworks?

24. Where would you like to go?
Greece.

25. Name three people who will complete this and return?
Striker, Gracie and anyone else who wants to have this meme. Ahaha.

26. Do you own flip flops?
Yes, bought one for my Boracay team-building.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
Regular shirt from Penshoppe.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Not really.

29. Can you whistle?
Yep, want to hear it?

30. Favorite color/s?
Blue.

31. Would you like to be a pirate?
Not really. They look dirty and stinky. Plus I don't really like the idea of being stuck in the ocean.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower room?
Any song that I can think of.

33. Favorite girl's name?
Faith.

34. Favorite boy's name?
Kurt.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
I'm wearing boxer shorts - no pockets.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Genuinely laugh? A few weeks back when I was making kwento with my officemates regarding her "tigyawat sa mani" phrase.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
There was this red cotton sheet that I love sleeping on because it makes me feel safe.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
When I was accidentally hit in the head by the can we used during our Tumbang Preso game. Blood, blood, blood.

39. Do you love where you live?
Yes. It's where I feel safest.

40. How many computers do you have in your house?
Four.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Striker. Although I have lots of cliques, so it varies.

42. How many dogs do you have?
None. Would love to have a golden retriever though.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Maybe! Ahaha.

45. What is your favorite book?
The Virgin Suicides. It's so depressing.

46. What is your favorite candy?
Benson Eclair.

47. Favorite Sports Teams?
I don't follow (any) sports.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Haven't thought of it yet. Let me see. Perhaps, "Like You'll Never See Me Again" or "One Sweet Day".

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Shutting down my laptop.

50. What is the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Daine.

*******

I didn't find any of the questions odd. But anyway, I got this from her.

x-men: messiah complex, pt. III

The mutant baby has gone missing, and the X-Men suspect the Marauders, henchmen of their nemesis Mr. Sinister, of kidnapping the child. Cyclops dispatched a team of X-Men to subdue former allies of the Marauders and press them for information. The team uncovered a lead and now their hunt for the mutant baby draws one step closer to completion.

Meanwhile the mutant-hating Purifiers, an army of zealots who seek to kill the baby because they fear it is the Antichrist, are still reeling from their defeat at the hands of the Marauders. In their secret churches across the country, they continue to plot their next move.
- Chapter Two, X-Men: Messiah CompleX

*******

Chelsea, New York. A small assembly of Purifiers were having a briefing as to what happened in Alaska when Wolfsbane, the lycantroph member of X-Factor, jumped in from the ceiling and started to attack the group. She managed to get out of the church unscathed however the soldiers were ordered to pursue and kill her. Upon crossing the street, she lunged at a passerby, who in turn shot her. A pick-up sped picking up the wounded Wolfsbane even before the mutant-haters could reach the scene. The Purifiers approached the guy who shot the mutant and apparently the latter was seeking Stryker's church to apply for membership. Turns out that the guy is the depowered Rictor.

Dallas, Texas. Multiple Man and Layla Miller arrived at Forge's Aerie. The mutant inventor showed the two a time machine, explaining further that time branches off into infinite directions and that after M-Day, all branches involving mutants flatlined until the birth of the missing child in which two branches have spiked. And obviously, this bears investigation.

Sacred Heart Hospital, Santa Cruz. A hit-and-run victim was rushed into the hospital and Amelia Voght was asked by the doctor to start assisting when the patient recognized her name. Amelia instantly realized that it was Wolverine and instinctively transubstantiates herself into her mist-form and escaped thru the vents. Unknown to her, Storm and Nightcrawler was waiting on the roof top. Storm hurled a mini-whirlwind at Amelia disorienting her in the process. The X-Men asked why she was protecting her former teammates, the Acolytes, further questioning if she knows where they are currently based. Amelia said that she wasn't protecting the Acolytes and it was the other way around - she was protecting the X-Men from them but since they are persistent, she told them to go pack something thermal.

Back in Dallas, Multiple Man produced two dupes needed for the mission. When the second dupe was to be teleported, Layla Miller surprisingly stepped on the machine and hugged the dupe sending them both into the future. The original Multiple Man yelled for Forge to reverse the process but the inventor confessed that it was a one-way trip. Multiple Man then asked how would it be possible for his dupes to come back. Forge revealed that they won't, as soon as they've gathered the intel needed, they have to kill themselves so that the knowledge will be transferred to the original within seconds. This angered Multiple Man and before he can hit Forge, Madrox lost his consciousness and went into a coma.

Xavier Mansion. Rockslide, X-23 and the rest of the New X-Men is having a discussion with Cyclops asking the older mutant that they be given the chance to participate in the missions. Cyclops pointed out that they will have their time and when it comes, they would wish that it hadn't come.

Chelsea, New York. The mutant-haters welcomed Rictor into the church and scanned him with a device which shows if a person has a mutant gene. Fortunately, his was removed when he was depowered in M-Day. The group's supposed leader showed him around and Rictor got the biggest surprise when he realized how terribly big this organization is.

*******

This is the first issue not written by Brubacker but it seems that the flow is still seamless. I love the appearance of Amelia Voght albeit a short one. And seeing Storm actively participating once more. She belongs with the X-Men and not in the Marvel Universe (the Fantastic Four). The most exciting thing in this issue though is the scene in Dallas when Forge sent the dupes into two different timelines. I am so looking forward to knowing what's in store for mutantkind in the future. And Cyclops' plan to having the dupes kill themselves for the information to be transferred is so ruthless and so not-Cyclops'ish. I like it.

like any other sunday

I'm chilling out at home this lazy Sunday afternoon
Looking outside as it lightly rains
Listening to a random song playing on my laptop
While eating a glass full of Double Dutch ice cream.
All these, while
Contemplating -

Why I'm all alone on this lazy Sunday afternoon.

x-men: messiah complex, pt. II

Hope arrived in the form of a new mutant birth, the first since M-Day. Alerted by Cerebra, the X-Men raced to the scene of the birth, Cooperstown, Alaska, only to find the town ravaged.

The armies of the mutant-hating Purifiers had reached the town first and slaughtered every child in the vicinity, in hopes of killing the baby, which they view as the mutant Antichrist. The battle escalated when the Marauders, henchmen of Mr. Sinister, arrived to claim the baby as their own. It is unclear what happened next but the X-Men discovered evidence that the baby was taken alive, which means the future of mutantkind may now be in the hands of one of their deadliest foes - Mr. Sinister.
- Chapter One, X-Men: Messiah CompleX

*******

Tagged by the media as "a biblical punishment with no discernible motive", the destruction in Cooperstown, Alaska coverage is being surveyed by Cyclops and Emma Frost in the X-Mansion when Xavier entered the room to question Cyclops' decision to send out a field team. The two figureheads had a heated argument claiming leadership and responsibility. In the end, Cyclops stood his ground and commanded Xavier to let him lead his people and that the latter should just work with Beast on fixing Cerebra.

Meanwhile, Angel is doing retcon for the field team when he was spotted by the Acolyte Gargouille. A fight soon ensued between the X-Men (Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Angel and Colossus) and the Acolytes (Gargouille, Projector, Neophyte and Vindaloo) in the streets. The X-Men won and Wolverine began to question the beaten-up villains on Exodus' location.

Back in the mansion, Emma Frost welcomes Multiple Man and Rictor who came in at the request of Cyclops. Surprisingly, Layla Miller tagged along as she knew that Jamie's going to need her with him soon. With the recent events, Cyclops sent out Rictor to infiltrate the Purifiers while Multiple Man and Layla were asked to see Forge in Dallas, Texas.

Somewhere in Canada, Predator X moves at top speed having enough energy after feasting on the two dead mutants in Alaska. Its target is yet to be determined.

*******

Finally, Cyclops steps up to claim his rightful position in the X-Men. Hah! That should teach Xavier a thing or two. Their discussion was long overdue. And I love seeing Emma seemingly quite torn between stopping the argument and/or siding with her boyfriend to take down Xavier.

I love the fight between the X-Men and the Acolytes even if they are like D-rated villains. It shows how team strategy and coordination pays off in battle (even if Wolverine alone could take all four of them. Not that I'm a big Logan fan.).

Much as it is a wildcard in Messiah CompleX, Predator X is still pretty much a filler for me. The story could go on without it. Although it would be interesting if he feeds on Xavier. That would definitely rock my world.

my little pony

Back in third grade my science teacher asked the class to name an example of a mammal. Being her "pet", I was called first and I proudly answered, "Unicorn, Ma'am!".

*******

Image courtesy of deviantart.com

meet my imaginary friend

I was surprised that Striker was able to get up early (or even get up at all) and blog! Well maybe his post-Christmas Christmas party was tamer than what I was expecting.

He talked about Captain Howdy and I recalled that he briefly mentioned him yesterday. Uh, wait. Him? I'm referring to this monstrosity as "him"? Ugh.

I guess it's alright. He did give me a good scare for the past few years. Heck, I still get the shivers whenever I remember him. He was the reason why I used to hate sleeping with the lights off. And why I avoided playing "Spirit of the Glass" (the local Ouija board) when I was younger.

Captain Howdy was my boogeyman. I believe that if my fear should manifest itself physically, it would look like him.


To avoid opening his file on my pictures folder, I named the .jpeg "Captain Howdy - Do Not View". All that trouble, when I could just easily delete it. I don't know why but I like to keep his picture. I'm weird that way.

*******

I loved The Exorcist when I first saw it. And I would love to see it again even if I would lose sleep for a week.

At least I have a valid reason to tell my mom why I'm still awake at four in the morning.

x-men: messiah complex, pt. I

Mutantkind nears extinction. On M-Day Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, used her reality-warping mutant powers to obliterate the X-gene that distinguishes mutants from humans. In that instant, nearly all mutants lost their powers. Once a race of millions, they now number a few hundred. There have been no new mutant manifestations since M-Day and with each death, the future of mutantkind dims. The X-Men, a band of mutants previously charged to protect a world that hates and fears them, now fight only for survival.

But while there's life, there's hope.
- X-Men: Messiah CompleX

*******

Professor Xavier and Beast were having a discussion on the near-extinction of mutantkind when Cerebra detected a mutant manifestation. The first after M-Day. And apparently, it was so powerful that it fried the system. The Professor immediately called on Cyclops and Emma Frost to put together a field team to investigate. Joining them are Nightcrawler, Wolverine and Angel.

On board the Blackbird, they move to Cooperstown, Alaska at top speed only to find it ravaged in flames. The team went to work, rescuing and helping out the civilians all the while wondering what happened - whether this accident was the baby's reaction to the onset of mutation. Wolverine disagreed claiming that this was no accident. His theory was proven as they saw the dead bodies of the mutant-hating Purifiers and those of Blockbuster and Prism, both of which are members of Mr. Sinister's team, the Marauders. It was clearly a war that the X-Men missed.

A lady appeared carrying a burnt child pleading for help. Emma used her powers to calm her down, and subsequently dig into her mind to know what happened.

The Purifiers attacked the town slaughtering every child in the hopes of killing the supposed mutant Antichrist. Soon the Marauders (with Gambit as their field leader) appeared to confront the Purifiers in their effort to claim the baby for Mr. Sinister. The groups clashed as they try to outrace each other towards the hospital.

Back to the present, the X-Men went to the hospital to see if they can find out who took the baby. They concluded that the baby was taken alive, meaning that the hope for mutantkind might be in the hands of Mr. Sinister.

As they left the town, Predator X, the beast created by the Purifiers' deceased leader William Stryker to kill any being possessing the X-gene, arrived, as it has also picked up on the baby's birth.

*******

After ten years, Messiah CompleX is the first X-men-related crossover released by Marvel. The story has been greatly established from the previous arcs of the four titles (Uncanny X-Men, X-Men, New X-Men and X-Factor) resulting into a very smooth transition to this introductory one-shot. Although a bit short, chapter one is successful enough in teasing the readers what's in store.

Personally, I'm just thrilled to see Angel back in action. Drools.

choco extreme for mon?

I was too busy seeking, almost begging, for comfort from all the wrong persons that I forgot the people who should matter. Pretty stupid? Probably. But mostly, it shows how desperate I am.

*******

Lunch with Daine has to be cancelled as their payroll was delayed. And he needs to be home early to accompany his mom to shop for some sea food. I was fine with it. Besides, I still need to go to Glorietta to have my mobile diagnosed anyway.

"Puwede bang bukas na lang? Samahan ko kasi si mama mamili eh." He replied.

I said I was okay doing it by myself the first time but I found myself inputting, "Baket? Gusto mo akong samahan?" on my phone. Darn it.

"Kelan? Bukas? Oo nga."

Charming? Sheesh.

*******

A post in my previous blog states how ice cream clears away my worries. At least until before I brush my teeth, drink lots of water or eat something else. That's when the sweetness fades and I'm forced back to dealing with what's bothering me.

*******

Striker's invitation came just in time. He asked me out for lunch saying that he needs to look for a gift for his post-Christmas Christmas party tonight. We ate at Shakey's, bought a Karen Walker-esque liquor jug and massage balls (err... those are his gifts) at the Landmark, dropped by Filbar's to get my comic subscription for the week (damn, no delivery was made because of the holiday season), bought Liveraide (an addition to his "gift"), looked for my Gizmo stuff toy and had a Choco EXtreme Blizzard at Dairy Queen. Whew. That's a mouthful.

Spending time with him reminded me of how much I miss my pals. And more importantly, how much I feel reinvigorated whenever we hang out.

They're like ice cream.

Only better.

Their sweetness lingers on.

Regardless of whether I brush my teeth or not.

*******

I went home with a new perspective. And right now, that's all what I need.

just my luck

I'm having a really bad week. And to top it off, I'm having it on the worst possible time - the holidays. It's so bad that I'm scared for my weekends as well.

Damn you Murphy and your stupid Murphy Law!

I stumbled upon a site last weekend and read something about the so-called Murphy's Law which states that "if anything can go wrong it will" and "if you think that things couldn't get any worse, it will".

I never thought of it as a sign or anything until -

December 24, 2007
Daine and I agreed to meet to give our Christmas presents. But he said that his mom asked him to go home early. O-kay. There goes my plan. And did I mention that this was the second time my plan was dismissed (to put it lightly)? We were supposed to "celebrate" Christmas on the 23rd - this was decided months ago - when at the last minute, he casually mentioned that they'll be doing the Christmas grocery that day. O-kay. So off we went to Glorietta to have a, what he called, a mini-dinner at Pancake House. So fun. After dinner, I asked him to open his gifts but he said that he'd rather do it at home. O-kay. By 6, we were at Edsa waiting for a bus when he decided to just take the van. So in a hurry to go back to the terminal, I accidentally scraped my left arm on a wire. Damn. I hate being wounded. Not to mention, the blood on my sleeve. After I dropped him off his house, it began to rain. Hard. And I was carrying his gift to me. Placed inside a Paper Bag. By the time I got home, I was so downtrodden. Oh, and the whole time, I only have enough cash to cover my transportation fares. Thanks to ATM machines which decided to be useless on a holiday.

December 25, 2007
I would prefer to post the events on this date on a separate entry. Very long story.

December 26, 2007
Due to the events of the previous day, I decided to accidentally leave my mobile at home to avoid the temptation to call or reply. It was a pretty stupid plan to begin with because I did not know what my objective is. Pretty much, I wasted a day.

December 27, 2007
Daine and I had a row with regards to my diet and his gym issues. His last message was a bit infuriating as he pointed that I'm just being lazy. So as not to make a big deal out of this, I decided to keep silent and stop the discussion. Moments after, he said that he's already at home and that he'll be sleeping soon. He bid me good night and complimented my Friendster picture. I replied casually saying good night as well. He texted back with "ok thanks". Without punctuation marks. One, he loves his punctuation marks. The only time he leaves them out is when he's mad. And secondly, I am always the last one to send a message. He never replies after my good nights. More so with something as indifferent as "ok thanks".

December 28, 2007
The team had lunch at Dad's for JoyC and Polpol's "Despedida". After replying to Daine's message, I pressed the camera button on my phone when all of a sudden the screen went all-white. I turned it off (removing the battery in the process) hoping that it was just a minor glitch. Much to my dismay, it wasn't just a glitch. And it certainly isn't something minor. I can't make my damn phone work. I know that this might turn out advantageous on my part but still. Crap.

And to think that it's just three in the afternoon.

I hate Murphy.

butterfly

I am afraid.

I have spent half my life
Encased in a cocoon I have made
To hide my naivete
From people like you,
Who feed on the souls
Of the meek and lowly.

I want to hide
From the cruel tongues and heavy fists
Of a society
That lives and thrives
On helpless spirits.

But I know that I cannot hide forever.
You might find me one day
And crush my vulnerable soul
For I am helpless against your power.

So I pray for the day
I am ready to spread my wings
And flutter away from your dread.

kyana

Since Daine is not a big fan of sci-fi films (he's not a big fan of anything other than zombie-infested movies), it took me quite some time to convince him that we watch The Golden Compass. If it weren't for his interest in the Daemons, I'm pretty sure that he would have chosen Hitman that moment (not that I have anything against the latter since we did watch it the following weekend. and it was good!).

Going back, several weeks ago I sent him a link to the movie's official website wherein one can see his/her Daemon counterpart. I guess curiosity got the better of him as he checked the site and informed me that his was a tiger. Or fox. Pardon, but I already forgot it. Though I'm pretty sure tiger was mentioned during the discussion.

Anyway, as we watched the film I glanced at him a few times, as I usually do, to check his reaction. And to my surprise, he was enjoying it. This was confirmed when we had our after-movie chat. We were like kids complaining that the ending left us hanging (obviously there will be a sequel. or two.). I also asked him if he understood the concept of Dust as used in The Golden Compass (because I had no background of the film other than it features cute animals). He told me that it was a symbol for original sin. Adding further, he mentioned that the Church has criticized it for its anti-Catholic theme. Wow. All I meant it.

I could not quite comment on the controversy issue because I have not fully read Philip Pullman's books, and nor have I fully understood the movie adaptation. The latter introduced a lot of concepts but nothing was done on any of it leaving me confused. Plus, I'm pretty sure there were important parts in the book which were left out in the screenplay. Although we both enjoyed the movie, looking back, I have to say that it fell a bit short after doing some reading on the subject.

On a lighter note, meet my Daemon - Kyana:

isn't she cute?

erode

For countless times
You have moved against that same surface
Soothing, at times abrasive
But always cold and soulless
To the touch.
For countless times
Your echoes have resonated
Whenever you seep through;
And each time you pull back,
You
Unknowingly [perhaps not]
Break,
Take tiny fragments,
Erode pieces,
Bit
By
Bit.
For countless times
You’ll do this again and again
Until there is barely enough left
That wholeness can never be restored.

for you from me: 2007 last lines

Yours are the only words that could pierce my defenses. They cut so deep that it hurts. And I could only pray that I won’t grow numb and indifferent to you. I wish that you could appreciate what I’m doing. Even for just a bit.

I’m sorry for being such a loser. I know you deserve better. If we could start things all over, I’ll try to act differently this time, if not better. I do miss you.


I’m always thankful for your genuine and heartfelt friendship. I believe what we’ve established will continue to stand the test of time. I know that I owe you a lot for being too hush-hush. I’m sorry but give me time - you don’t know how much I want to let you fully in.

Looking back, it’s funny how we ended up being the closest. I guess, one has to see through the superficial to realize how complementary we are. You know how the song “I Could Not Ask For More” goes?

Next time you’re going to blog, make sure that you give proper credits to the persons who did the actual writing. Better yet, don’t blog at all. Pathetic cow.


Sometimes your mind doesn’t want you to be in love but deep down you know you are. Fear is the real killer of opportunity, success and love. Let go of it. Take the chance. Assume the risks. Loving takes real courage and a willingness to risk heartbreak and failure. Step up and if it doesn’t work, remember that you still have me.

You are just but a faded memory. Funny that we were once inseparable like the ‘m’ in m&m’s. But I guess there comes a time when these things have to end (when one does an act of grave stupidity. repeatedly). We all make mistakes. I learned from mine. I’m not quite sure in your case. Don’t worry, I don’t cry over yesterdays. Well, not this time.

Matthew 7:5. Done? Let me get the strippers.




It was one of the hardest days of my life, when I had to bid you farewell. What we had was fleeting and I hate the idea of letting it all go just like that. But looking back, I had to say that I was worried for nothing because time and distance has not deterred us like it often does to others. I want to believe that what we have is something special. Call me crazy, but I know that deep down you’re nodding.

It feels like my head is a fondue of clichés right now. I’m not so good with words so I’ll use Kelly’s instead - ‘Excuse me for this, I just want a kiss. I just want to know what it feels like to touch something so pure, something I’m so sure of. What it feels like to stand outside your door. I’m unworthy. I can see you’re above me but I can be lovely given the chance’.

It was intoxicating - like the call of chocolate. I didn’t stop till I’ve tasted one and before I know it, I’ve already turned into that German boy who fell into Wonka’s chocolate lake. And only when I was drowning that I realized my error. I didn’t want to but I have to give it up. Thanks for making it a lot easier. And thanks for the sugar rush - only a few people know that I have a sweet tooth.

There are times that I wish that we did not drift apart. Remembering our youth - fun, careless and free, roaming the city via our bicycles, staying up late during holy week, the street-long patintero. I miss them a lot. But then again, maybe we were just destined to grow up separately. I think it was for the better.

I was told that I shouldn’t ask you questions starting with why. That I am not to question your plans. And even if I’m stubborn and impatient at times, I have an immeasurable respect for you. But please, help. Me. Understand.

So do you believe in life after love? And while you ponder on that, I already have a list and ‘You And Me’ is on top. Now to look for someone to dedicate it to.


Magkadugtong na talaga utak natin! Funny, but I have to agree with you on this one. Thanks for the genuine friendship - considering the circumstances of how and where we've first 'met'. And I've decided, you'll always be known to me as B*****boi! Ahahaha!

*******

Got this from her pensieve.

three am

Just a moment, I am crying.
Then a moment more, to compose myself;
For a part of me died,
In search of completeness
And happiness
Ever so elusive
For the likes of me.

*******

This is a delicate unraveling. Now and then I find pieces on the floor, tiny little bits that tell me - maybe I shouldn't do this or love you anymore.
- Mandy Moore, Latest Mistake

all i want for christmas

Although I have stopped hanging socks on my window 11 years ago, I never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Every year, for the past 19 years, I always make sure that I jot down a letter addressed to him indicating my heart's desire. Singular. It has always been my rule that I should only wish for one thing every year. It's not because I'm not selfish - I'm like any other kid who has a list as long as the Amazon river. But having one wish, thinking of that single thing that you'd want most that time makes the event even more special.

My wishes range from the typical kid stuff (bike, comic books, Sega) to the more expensive gadgets (TV, Discman, mobile phone), and of course the unusual (or rather, abnormal) (mutant powers). Some were granted, some were not. For those times that I did not get anything (or I got something far from what I wished for), my faith in Santa never faltered. I believed that there was a reason why he did not grant my wish that instance. Perhaps I've been naughty. Or I've wished for something that even he can't make. Or maybe, it's not yet time for me to have it. Or maybe, he has something better for me.

I've already tucked my letter underneath my pillow hoping that he'll find it. (I think Santa is an omnipath of sorts.) I can't tell you what I wished for (baka kasi hindi matupad). I'm not asking for a lot this time. Relatively speaking.

I haven't been perfectly nice but I've never been bad to anyone this year.

So unless he has something better for me, I sure hope that he makes my wish come true this Christmas.

somebody's me

*******

Image courtesy of deviantart.com.
Words lifted from "Somebody's Me" as performed by Enrique Iglesias.

one minute before dawn

Waited a long time for this, feels right now. Allow me to introduce myself. Want you to come a little closer. I'd like you to get to know me a little better. Meet the real me.

*******

Tonight would mark my third year in blogging.

In that span of time, I've had seven "official" blogs which ran for at least three months.

Tonight I decided to delete the five and keep two - the first, just to keep the domain name in case I would want to revive it in the coming days, and the other one I'll keep to scavenge past entries should I get another blogger's block.

For seven attempts I have failed but here I am again, trying to start this journal of sorts. But it will be different this time for I realized why I have failed miserably in maintaining my interest in blogging.

This time, I will never hide what I really feel.

And I've never felt so sure until this minute before dawn.

*******

So here it is. No hype, no gloss, no pretense. Just me. Stripped.
- Christina Aguilera, Stripped Pt. 1