There's nothing more flattering than knowing that you are liked, highly spoken of and sought after by people.
It makes you feel important. It makes you feel special.
You can look back and proudly say that every second that you spent, every decision that you made, the risks that you took and all the connections that you forged was well worth it.
The elation, it's yours to keep; but the people, keeping them interested, and waiting, is of course, a different thing altogether.
Why wait another day when you can just jump and have faith.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
i can't make people love me
"Takot kaya sa'yo yun," Larra said. She was referring to Esther, a colleague who, by someone's subtle machinations, has been unintentionally ostracized by the entire team.
"Ah? Seriously," I asked slightly alarmed.
"Ako kaya... takot din sa'yo," Victor softly interjected.
"Hindi naman ako nakakatakot ah." I frowned.
Larra giggled before asking, "Puwede ko bang sabihin, Victor?"
"Ano yun?!" I said.
"Mas gusto pa daw niya na maka-away si Boss Carrie kesa sa'yo," she blurted out.
"Naman!? Ang bait bait ko kaya."
*******
But I can make them fear me. Apparently.
It's so juvenile but whatever. I'll take what I can get.
"Ah? Seriously," I asked slightly alarmed.
"Ako kaya... takot din sa'yo," Victor softly interjected.
"Hindi naman ako nakakatakot ah." I frowned.
Larra giggled before asking, "Puwede ko bang sabihin, Victor?"
"Ano yun?!" I said.
"Mas gusto pa daw niya na maka-away si Boss Carrie kesa sa'yo," she blurted out.
"Naman!? Ang bait bait ko kaya."
*******
But I can make them fear me. Apparently.
It's so juvenile but whatever. I'll take what I can get.
Monday, October 19, 2009
in pursuit of
I was about to dismiss the run as a disappointment when I suddenly saw a glimmer of what might possibly be the morning activity's saving grace. Roused, I hurriedly asked the best friend if we can start running again. Best friend refused and claimed that we agreed to have a five-minute break. Not one to waste an inspired moment, I said that I'm going ahead.
"Why are you such in a hurry," the best friend said knowingly.
"Because the Britney song is on," I hollered back as I sped off counting one, two, three.
It was my idea. The whole jogging at UP at six in the morning. Due to conflicting schedules, the best friend and I have barely talked for months now so I took the initiative to set this up so we can update one another while burning some calories. The arrangement was perfect as we are both keen on getting fit. So keen that we even chose the built that we need to achieve by some time next year. I selected something achievable for the best friend. The latter, unknowingly, pointed at a model for mine. I reminded the best friend that goals are supposed to be attainable. "Walang imposible sa'yo di ba" was the response that I got. My best friend, apparently, has too much faith in me. That, or the best friend is delusional.
Anyway, it was good that we set goals. It keeps me motivated, and motivation is what keeps a person going. I just picture a future version of me, happier and a whole lot fitter, and I get that extra boost of energy I need to do another set of crunches, or have another fifteen minutes on the stepper, or keep up with these fellow runners for another lap or so.
I've never been this serious with my work out routine before so seeing the results of my effort is quite satisfying. The fact that I have been steadily choosing to hit the gym, or engage in some physical activity over slacking off made me realize that I really want good results out of this project. And it's in my genes that when I want something, I won't rest until I get it.
A few minutes past eleven, the best friend sent me a message involving smoothies at the Museum Cafe. Half-heartedly, I slowed down before heading back. I found my best friend enjoying a fruit drink.
"Who are you chasing after? Nahabol mo no," the best friend called out upon seeing me arrive wearing a smile.
"Gold star ko," I said trying to hide the grin.
"Gold star ka diyan," the best friend said. "Yung naka-blue kamo!"
"Why are you such in a hurry," the best friend said knowingly.
"Because the Britney song is on," I hollered back as I sped off counting one, two, three.
It was my idea. The whole jogging at UP at six in the morning. Due to conflicting schedules, the best friend and I have barely talked for months now so I took the initiative to set this up so we can update one another while burning some calories. The arrangement was perfect as we are both keen on getting fit. So keen that we even chose the built that we need to achieve by some time next year. I selected something achievable for the best friend. The latter, unknowingly, pointed at a model for mine. I reminded the best friend that goals are supposed to be attainable. "Walang imposible sa'yo di ba" was the response that I got. My best friend, apparently, has too much faith in me. That, or the best friend is delusional.
Anyway, it was good that we set goals. It keeps me motivated, and motivation is what keeps a person going. I just picture a future version of me, happier and a whole lot fitter, and I get that extra boost of energy I need to do another set of crunches, or have another fifteen minutes on the stepper, or keep up with these fellow runners for another lap or so.
I've never been this serious with my work out routine before so seeing the results of my effort is quite satisfying. The fact that I have been steadily choosing to hit the gym, or engage in some physical activity over slacking off made me realize that I really want good results out of this project. And it's in my genes that when I want something, I won't rest until I get it.
A few minutes past eleven, the best friend sent me a message involving smoothies at the Museum Cafe. Half-heartedly, I slowed down before heading back. I found my best friend enjoying a fruit drink.
"Who are you chasing after? Nahabol mo no," the best friend called out upon seeing me arrive wearing a smile.
"Gold star ko," I said trying to hide the grin.
"Gold star ka diyan," the best friend said. "Yung naka-blue kamo!"
Friday, October 16, 2009
up to the mountain
There is no greater source of genuine happiness and satisfaction than being able to extend a hand to those who are in need of pulling up. So allow me to share my joy, and extend my utmost appreciation and gratitude to those who have pitched in and made this little project successful.
In relation to the devastation caused by the recent typhoon in the northern part of the country, the team sought out assistance from colleagues and friends; help that will be imparted to our fellow men who has been severely affected by the said calamity. As of this afternoon, we have packed a couple of boxes that contain donations in kind. It includes the basic commodities such as drinking water, rice, canned goods, biscuits, medicines, blankets and apparel. All of which will prove beneficial and very useful to those who are now taking shelter in several evacuation centers. On top of this, the financial aid amounted to PHP20,000. Color me surprised but none of us ever dreamed that we'll be able to raise this sum of money, especially in such short notice.
To everyone, though you won't certainly be able to read this, do remember that our appreciation knows no bound. I am personally very very very happy with the turnout. I can just imagine how it will be like for our neighbors up north when we hand them our help. Seeing the smiles on their faces will be worth the effort of leaving for Baguio this weekend, and I wish we can capture it and share them with everyone. What we have given out may not be enough, but it's a good enough start.
All of this strengthened my belief that there is hope yet.
In relation to the devastation caused by the recent typhoon in the northern part of the country, the team sought out assistance from colleagues and friends; help that will be imparted to our fellow men who has been severely affected by the said calamity. As of this afternoon, we have packed a couple of boxes that contain donations in kind. It includes the basic commodities such as drinking water, rice, canned goods, biscuits, medicines, blankets and apparel. All of which will prove beneficial and very useful to those who are now taking shelter in several evacuation centers. On top of this, the financial aid amounted to PHP20,000. Color me surprised but none of us ever dreamed that we'll be able to raise this sum of money, especially in such short notice.
To everyone, though you won't certainly be able to read this, do remember that our appreciation knows no bound. I am personally very very very happy with the turnout. I can just imagine how it will be like for our neighbors up north when we hand them our help. Seeing the smiles on their faces will be worth the effort of leaving for Baguio this weekend, and I wish we can capture it and share them with everyone. What we have given out may not be enough, but it's a good enough start.
All of this strengthened my belief that there is hope yet.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
journal entry
A few weeks back, I chanced upon an old notebook while I was doing some preliminary sorting of the things that I have yet to unpack. It was a journal from my collegiate years. While a big chunk contains minutes, interview excerpts, liner notes, financial computations and various doodles and scribbles, a few pages were devoted to a month's worth of confessionals. And much like any diary, most entries are far too cringe worthy to be salvaged. Nevertheless, I took the time to read through despite the bad grammar and incoherent thoughts, for the sake of nostalgia.
The first entry was written around this time, the second week of October a few years back. I was set to take the first set of the licensure examination for Certified Public Accountants. While I couldn't remember which subject went first or which test was the hardest, I do recall being delighted that I get to wear something new during the course of the test. Our batch was required to wear our school uniform, or don a white collared shirt on exam days. Since the former was not even an option, my mom treated me to a couple of new tops. That was pretty much the highlight of the event.
While the grittier details are already lost on me, I am a hundred percent sure that I never did any cramming, nor any post-examination discussion with my peers or those strangers who assumed we're on a first-name basis since we both took the same test. Like a normal person, I took my lunch at a leisurely pace instead of starving myself in lieu of last minute walkthroughs.
At the risk of people mistaking my confidence for cockiness, I have to admit that I considered myself as one of the minority who participated in the examination fully aware that it was not a matter of whether we'll pass or not. I knew I would. The challenge I imposed on myself was to try and get top marks, but that was just an additional recognition that I wanted to have for my folks.
On hindsight, maybe I should have crammed, or abstained from breaks and gimmicks, or buried myself into the piles of review materials then I would have had a much higher grade. But that's just it - I never felt the need to do those things because, primarily, I have never been passionate about Accounting. While my batch mates pride themselves into making solving difficult accounting problems as their favorite past time, I involved myself in something I considered more productive, something I was very passionate about. While they were ready to sweat blood just so they can pass, I was busy mocking them for their absurd geekiness. Don't get me wrong - there's geek and then there's geek.
Anyway, I survived my course, obviously, and I managed to get good grades on the board. Not stellar, but close enough. I keep telling myself that I got through it all because I'm innately good and lucky. That's what I believe in. I refuse to harbor any regrets, or dwell on the what ifs but just to humor myself, times like this presents an opportunity to realize what it would have been like if I augmented my luck with actual studying, or better, if I had used my head, made wiser decisions and followed my passion.
In a seminar I have attended years ago, the lecturer mentioned that the best career is one that offers you to do something that you both need and want to work on. Anything less is either just a job, or just a hobby. In the period of time that I have been working, I have learned to consider my job as a possible career. However, it does not take away my desire to find that path that would not make me think these thoughts. Much like with everything that needs matching, concocting that perfect chemistry, finding that spark is such a rare feat. It may be uncommon, but it is not impossible.
The first entry was written around this time, the second week of October a few years back. I was set to take the first set of the licensure examination for Certified Public Accountants. While I couldn't remember which subject went first or which test was the hardest, I do recall being delighted that I get to wear something new during the course of the test. Our batch was required to wear our school uniform, or don a white collared shirt on exam days. Since the former was not even an option, my mom treated me to a couple of new tops. That was pretty much the highlight of the event.
While the grittier details are already lost on me, I am a hundred percent sure that I never did any cramming, nor any post-examination discussion with my peers or those strangers who assumed we're on a first-name basis since we both took the same test. Like a normal person, I took my lunch at a leisurely pace instead of starving myself in lieu of last minute walkthroughs.
At the risk of people mistaking my confidence for cockiness, I have to admit that I considered myself as one of the minority who participated in the examination fully aware that it was not a matter of whether we'll pass or not. I knew I would. The challenge I imposed on myself was to try and get top marks, but that was just an additional recognition that I wanted to have for my folks.
On hindsight, maybe I should have crammed, or abstained from breaks and gimmicks, or buried myself into the piles of review materials then I would have had a much higher grade. But that's just it - I never felt the need to do those things because, primarily, I have never been passionate about Accounting. While my batch mates pride themselves into making solving difficult accounting problems as their favorite past time, I involved myself in something I considered more productive, something I was very passionate about. While they were ready to sweat blood just so they can pass, I was busy mocking them for their absurd geekiness. Don't get me wrong - there's geek and then there's geek.
Anyway, I survived my course, obviously, and I managed to get good grades on the board. Not stellar, but close enough. I keep telling myself that I got through it all because I'm innately good and lucky. That's what I believe in. I refuse to harbor any regrets, or dwell on the what ifs but just to humor myself, times like this presents an opportunity to realize what it would have been like if I augmented my luck with actual studying, or better, if I had used my head, made wiser decisions and followed my passion.
In a seminar I have attended years ago, the lecturer mentioned that the best career is one that offers you to do something that you both need and want to work on. Anything less is either just a job, or just a hobby. In the period of time that I have been working, I have learned to consider my job as a possible career. However, it does not take away my desire to find that path that would not make me think these thoughts. Much like with everything that needs matching, concocting that perfect chemistry, finding that spark is such a rare feat. It may be uncommon, but it is not impossible.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
dead uprising
"Death has come to the X-Men. The one true Black Queen has returned, and she wants nothing less than every soul of mutantkind... dead or alive. And everyone that's ever crossed Selene is going to pay. The dead rise, familiar faces haunt mutants across the world, and Selene takes her final steps into becoming a god."
MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS "NECROSHA"
WRITTEN BY MIKE CAREY CRAIG KYLE ZEB WELLS
CHRISTOPHER YOST PENCILED BY CLATYON CRAIN
IBRAIM ROBERSON DUSTIN WEAVER
OCTOBER 2009
WRITTEN BY MIKE CAREY CRAIG KYLE ZEB WELLS
CHRISTOPHER YOST PENCILED BY CLATYON CRAIN
IBRAIM ROBERSON DUSTIN WEAVER
OCTOBER 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
my boo
It's astonishing how life plays out a couple of circumstances that bear no causal connection whatsoever and yet they turn out, or rather our minds process them as if event A is pertinent and associated with event B.
Take the case of last Wednesday when the bosses and I made it like Halloween as we swapped spooky stories over a healthy lunch at Chimara. In between bites of tofu sandwiches, or some other food that I consider inedible, each one of us recalled a scary experience. Carrie's childhood tale of her time at this really creepy house which they used to rent a couple of decades ago was oddly hair-raising. In any case, the dialogue was nothing exceptional, but it was interesting enough that it lasted for two and a half hours. The occasional lunch outs with the boss has its perks.
Later that day, I went home and found my mom and aunt discussing all things house-related. I don't know how it came about but the ghost issue that we have had these past few weeks was suddenly brought up. I was then informed that my cousin's girlfriend, who has a third eye, advised my mom several days ago to look out for me as I was, apparently, being followed by the ghost.
Just like in Carrie's story of how her brother was haunted by some malevolent spirit back then.
I don't have a third eye but my sensory perception of these things is quite high, and this pretty much explains that weird feeling that someone, or something is watching me when I'm asleep at night. All those weird dreams, and my being constantly ill which is quite unusual as I rarely get sick, when I look back when it all started, it all points to that time when my mom took down a mirror as pointed out by the cousin's girlfriend. She mentioned seeing something on it as she walked by it one time.
I'm not new to these things as I grew up in a haunted estate but this time, for some reason, I am quite scared. There are nights that are just downright freaky, and it has become increasingly so. No longer do I feel safe in my own home. And as much as I want to blame it all on my fertile imagination, I can't. I believe in the paranormal like how others believe in fairy tales, or in lotto.
I can't wait until this blows off. I don't want to deal with it, not especially since it is a she. To think that I'd be stalked by something more interesting.
Take the case of last Wednesday when the bosses and I made it like Halloween as we swapped spooky stories over a healthy lunch at Chimara. In between bites of tofu sandwiches, or some other food that I consider inedible, each one of us recalled a scary experience. Carrie's childhood tale of her time at this really creepy house which they used to rent a couple of decades ago was oddly hair-raising. In any case, the dialogue was nothing exceptional, but it was interesting enough that it lasted for two and a half hours. The occasional lunch outs with the boss has its perks.
Later that day, I went home and found my mom and aunt discussing all things house-related. I don't know how it came about but the ghost issue that we have had these past few weeks was suddenly brought up. I was then informed that my cousin's girlfriend, who has a third eye, advised my mom several days ago to look out for me as I was, apparently, being followed by the ghost.
Just like in Carrie's story of how her brother was haunted by some malevolent spirit back then.
I don't have a third eye but my sensory perception of these things is quite high, and this pretty much explains that weird feeling that someone, or something is watching me when I'm asleep at night. All those weird dreams, and my being constantly ill which is quite unusual as I rarely get sick, when I look back when it all started, it all points to that time when my mom took down a mirror as pointed out by the cousin's girlfriend. She mentioned seeing something on it as she walked by it one time.
I'm not new to these things as I grew up in a haunted estate but this time, for some reason, I am quite scared. There are nights that are just downright freaky, and it has become increasingly so. No longer do I feel safe in my own home. And as much as I want to blame it all on my fertile imagination, I can't. I believe in the paranormal like how others believe in fairy tales, or in lotto.
I can't wait until this blows off. I don't want to deal with it, not especially since it is a she. To think that I'd be stalked by something more interesting.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
cingularity
Proximity
Makes contact inevitable
Yet, it almost always
Ends up with
A failed connection.
Must be the static.
Makes contact inevitable
Yet, it almost always
Ends up with
A failed connection.
Must be the static.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
making it through
The team spent last week's working hours volunteering in the company's nationwide relief operations, as well as helping out our immediate colleagues, eight of which were affected by the havoc wrought by Ondoy.
After countless attempts to communicate, we were able to reach out to all eight team members by day 2. It was a relief to know that they were all safe despite the material losses. The latter are replaceable, lives aren't.
Despite the surety that everyone was out of harm's way, the atmosphere remained sullen. The entire Ayala was gloomy. People were somber. Traffic was sparse. It was different. It was depressing.
The tragedy that was Ondoy scarred a lot of people, if not everyone. The experience was very humbling. It was a reminder that Mother Nature can be relentless and unselective.
Lessons were learned amidst the struggle. Like the appreciation of the little things in life and the value of life itself, hope and unity in times of great adversity, and the importance of social awareness and responsibility. Indeed, there is true fulfillment and happiness in being selfless.
Hopefully, we won't need to reach another low point for us to remember these things.
After countless attempts to communicate, we were able to reach out to all eight team members by day 2. It was a relief to know that they were all safe despite the material losses. The latter are replaceable, lives aren't.
Despite the surety that everyone was out of harm's way, the atmosphere remained sullen. The entire Ayala was gloomy. People were somber. Traffic was sparse. It was different. It was depressing.
The tragedy that was Ondoy scarred a lot of people, if not everyone. The experience was very humbling. It was a reminder that Mother Nature can be relentless and unselective.
Lessons were learned amidst the struggle. Like the appreciation of the little things in life and the value of life itself, hope and unity in times of great adversity, and the importance of social awareness and responsibility. Indeed, there is true fulfillment and happiness in being selfless.
Hopefully, we won't need to reach another low point for us to remember these things.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
what you did last summer
Funny how the past has a habit of slipping through our fingers; and the harder we try to hold on to it, the faster it slips away. But sometimes, it just won't slip fast enough. I am in blue as thoughts of last summer continue to haunt me. Mocking. Taunting like a tasteless joke. The once upon a times on repeat that I can’t shake off. They linger like a bad hangover. And temporary highs are just that. Temporary. Even amidst the turmoil. Even when I let the greater good take precedence over mine. It just won’t quit. Yes, I feel guilty. I feel selfish. But I can’t fool myself into thinking that I can help anyone when I can’t even help myself. I am so lost. Caught in a flurry of flight and fight. But I shall keep on telling you that I'm alright, and I'm okay (thinking that by repeating it over and over, somewhere down the line, I will be; or you'll know that I'm really not). But if you only knew what's in the back of my mind. You were supposed to save me. I am emotionally tired, and yet I find it so hard to just not care.
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