I do think of stars, sometimes
In between thinking of you and
More of you, wondering if they hold
Some kind of power to give out signs
Or to make fairy tales come true. But
For some reason, the longer I stare
The more I get lost in my thoughts of you, and
The more I long for you to be staring at them
With me.
This will take a little getting used to.
*******
When two stars on their paths converge, do they incinerate explosively, subsume one to the other?
Or do they become two celestial objects bound by mutual bond, unable to escape one from the other, whose children inscribe the figure eight on Bernoulli's lemniscate path?
- Sophie_Jean, Binary
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
unexiled
I'm ecstatic!It has been rumored that Marvel has decided to bring Psylocke back to Earth 616 (present continuity) after being stuck with Chris Claremont's crappy New Exiles. She will be playing a role in the upcoming event, X-Infernus.
It's high time that they bring her back. There's just tons of reasons to have her join the big guns. One, she's British. Well her accent is anyway. Plus, it will be great to have another major female member on the team (Jean Grey's still dead, Storm isn't on full-time, Shadowcat's gone, Rogue's doing some soul searching, Marvel Girl's lost in space and Polaris is held captive by Vulcan). Her insanely powerful telekinesis and her equally awesome ninja skills will prove valuable in beating up the villains. And it would be great to see how she'd fare against Emma Frost's bitchy quips (last time they met it was Psylocke: 1, Frost: 0). Lastly, I would love for them to re-address the Warren-Betsy love story. They look lovely together.
Obviously, I adore her character and I'm her number one fan boy (she's my Mariah in the Marvel Universe). And if this planned return happens then I'm willing to forget how they allowed Claremont to take her away from the main continuity and deprive the world of her hotness.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
hungover
Everything is most beautiful when I'm burning. And I
Could think of a thousand different ways of telling you
That I'm burning; burning like never before.
Smoldering. Waiting, yet unsure of what I'm actually
Waiting for. Maybe I'm waiting for you to burn with me.
Or is it for me? Regardless, I'll burn brighter if you do.
So will you?
But hush. Let's not be done.
I'm just too sick from the heat - slowly I'm coping;
But I'm burning quicker than I can recover
That if you wait for a few more minutes, it'll be over.
Could think of a thousand different ways of telling you
That I'm burning; burning like never before.
Smoldering. Waiting, yet unsure of what I'm actually
Waiting for. Maybe I'm waiting for you to burn with me.
Or is it for me? Regardless, I'll burn brighter if you do.
So will you?
But hush. Let's not be done.
I'm just too sick from the heat - slowly I'm coping;
But I'm burning quicker than I can recover
That if you wait for a few more minutes, it'll be over.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
declaration
Sister Mary used to be a nun. She thought that she'd retire and have her some fun. Mr. Joe of the Philadelphia Joes, well he walked in the post office one night. He said, "Hey sweetheart, you know you look alright."
- Jewel, Everybody Needs Someone Sometime
*******
I remember hearing my mom commenting that people seek companionship when they're no longer happy and contented with what they have. And for the longest time, I believed her; until recently when I chanced upon a discussion which made me reflect on the subject matter. I do not completely renounce her opinion because at some level it is correct.
However, intimacy is a basic human need. At some point in a person's life, he will yearn for another person whom he can be affectionate with regardless of how perfectly happy or miserable he is. Nevertheless, it is true that those things are variables that he might consider, consciously or otherwise, in making such decisions.
My mom just failed to account those people who are relatively happy and content but are now looking for similar souls whom they are willing to share their wonderful lives with. Or perhaps, she hasn't met one.
I mean, I can't exactly tell her "d'uh, like ako", can I?
*******
POSTSCRIPT. I swear there's a huge irony in what I just wrote but I'm too tired to analyze and delve further. I'm pretty sure I still made sense anyway.
- Jewel, Everybody Needs Someone Sometime
*******
I remember hearing my mom commenting that people seek companionship when they're no longer happy and contented with what they have. And for the longest time, I believed her; until recently when I chanced upon a discussion which made me reflect on the subject matter. I do not completely renounce her opinion because at some level it is correct.
However, intimacy is a basic human need. At some point in a person's life, he will yearn for another person whom he can be affectionate with regardless of how perfectly happy or miserable he is. Nevertheless, it is true that those things are variables that he might consider, consciously or otherwise, in making such decisions.
My mom just failed to account those people who are relatively happy and content but are now looking for similar souls whom they are willing to share their wonderful lives with. Or perhaps, she hasn't met one.
I mean, I can't exactly tell her "d'uh, like ako", can I?
*******
POSTSCRIPT. I swear there's a huge irony in what I just wrote but I'm too tired to analyze and delve further. I'm pretty sure I still made sense anyway.
Monday, September 22, 2008
busy
01. How bad is your road rage?
I don't drive but I think it would be pretty bad.
02. What is the best and the worst movie you saw this summer?
Best would be The Dark Knight and worst, You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Sorry MC, it's not you, it's Adam Sandler. LOL.
03. What's your least favorite thing about your job?
The people whom I work with. They suck. Badly.
04. What's something that you find annoying - but other people don't?
Miley Cyrus.
05. Name three things you did this year you'd never done before?
Ooh. I had a vacation in Palawan, went to the States and drank beer.
06. Do you like nuts in your brownies?
Nuts are alright.
07. So, are you pumped for The Dark Knight or what?
The movie was awesome though I'm not quite sure if it warrants a repeat.
08. What's your favorite thing about your top four friends?
They know me better than I know myself.
09. What do you put on your pancakes?
Honey and butter.
10. Have you ever contemplated exactly what sleep is?
Yes. It's an escapism.
11. Are you an "over-analytical" or "go-with-the-flow" kind of person?
It actually depends but I think I tend to be more of the latter.
12. Have you ever punched someone out of anger?
Yes, when I was younger.
13. What would you say if someone told you to describe Coca-Cola?
Are you from here?
14. What's your least favorite thing about your car?
I don't have a car.
15. Are you wearing anything around your wrists?
A watch and a bracelet.
16. So are you any good at Guitar Hero?
Haven't tried it yet.
17. Would you like to have a roommate in a college dorm?
Would love to. It would be so boring to live alone.
18. What's your favorite search engine?
Google.
19. Chris Rock or Chris Tucker?
Chris Brown? Hehe.
20. Doesn't Pepsi taste so much better than Coke?
It actually does, in the States.
21. Do you get along with your siblings?
No.
22. Do you sit or stand while taking a shower?
Stand.
23. How late did you stay up last night?
I slept early, 8ish I think.
24. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Eat breakfast.
25. What did you do last night?
Slept early.
26. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I don't know. Haha. Send me somebody to love. LOL.
27. Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Of course. I always mean what I say.
28. How's your heart lately?
Perfectly fine. It's been beating erratically lately. Haha.
29. What were you doing this morning at 7am?
I'm at the office, sorting out my mail.
30. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
Talking to a friend.
31. What was the reason you last laughed?
"You know I can't smile without you..." LOL.
32. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Nope.
33. How many red lights have you run?
One. In Baltimore. Care of Manolito. Hehe.
34. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Yes, a few times.
35. What was your least favorite grade?
Grade as in school? Sixth grade, I think. I had the worst adviser.
36. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Taking a shower to get rid of the hangover.
37. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Yes. Now they're all burning in hell.
38. When was the last time you were given flowers?
Haha. Last V-day. I don't know who gave them though. LOL. Pramis. Haha.
39. Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Yep. Pagmamahal at pag-unawa! Ahaha.
40. Name one song that you have been listening to lately.
7 Things by Miley Cyrus. Haha.
41. Do people ever make mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
Nope.
42. Have you ever started a sentence with No offense, but…?
Nope.
43. When was the last time you saw a police car?
Can't quite remember. Yesterday?
44. Did you ride in someone else's car today?
Nope.
45. Have you made a mistake in the past week?
Nope.
46. Who was the last person to text you?
Si Partyboi. Haha.
47. Do you miss someone?
Yeah, you can say that. Hehe.
48. Is there anything you regret about your past?
None that I can think of right now. Hehe.
49. What was the last movie you saw?
Hellboy II.
50. Are you sleeping somewhere other than home Saturday night?
Nope. Haha.
I don't drive but I think it would be pretty bad.
02. What is the best and the worst movie you saw this summer?
Best would be The Dark Knight and worst, You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Sorry MC, it's not you, it's Adam Sandler. LOL.
03. What's your least favorite thing about your job?
The people whom I work with. They suck. Badly.
04. What's something that you find annoying - but other people don't?
Miley Cyrus.
05. Name three things you did this year you'd never done before?
Ooh. I had a vacation in Palawan, went to the States and drank beer.
06. Do you like nuts in your brownies?
Nuts are alright.
07. So, are you pumped for The Dark Knight or what?
The movie was awesome though I'm not quite sure if it warrants a repeat.
08. What's your favorite thing about your top four friends?
They know me better than I know myself.
09. What do you put on your pancakes?
Honey and butter.
10. Have you ever contemplated exactly what sleep is?
Yes. It's an escapism.
11. Are you an "over-analytical" or "go-with-the-flow" kind of person?
It actually depends but I think I tend to be more of the latter.
12. Have you ever punched someone out of anger?
Yes, when I was younger.
13. What would you say if someone told you to describe Coca-Cola?
Are you from here?
14. What's your least favorite thing about your car?
I don't have a car.
15. Are you wearing anything around your wrists?
A watch and a bracelet.
16. So are you any good at Guitar Hero?
Haven't tried it yet.
17. Would you like to have a roommate in a college dorm?
Would love to. It would be so boring to live alone.
18. What's your favorite search engine?
Google.
19. Chris Rock or Chris Tucker?
Chris Brown? Hehe.
20. Doesn't Pepsi taste so much better than Coke?
It actually does, in the States.
21. Do you get along with your siblings?
No.
22. Do you sit or stand while taking a shower?
Stand.
23. How late did you stay up last night?
I slept early, 8ish I think.
24. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Eat breakfast.
25. What did you do last night?
Slept early.
26. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I don't know. Haha. Send me somebody to love. LOL.
27. Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Of course. I always mean what I say.
28. How's your heart lately?
Perfectly fine. It's been beating erratically lately. Haha.
29. What were you doing this morning at 7am?
I'm at the office, sorting out my mail.
30. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
Talking to a friend.
31. What was the reason you last laughed?
"You know I can't smile without you..." LOL.
32. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Nope.
33. How many red lights have you run?
One. In Baltimore. Care of Manolito. Hehe.
34. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Yes, a few times.
35. What was your least favorite grade?
Grade as in school? Sixth grade, I think. I had the worst adviser.
36. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Taking a shower to get rid of the hangover.
37. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Yes. Now they're all burning in hell.
38. When was the last time you were given flowers?
Haha. Last V-day. I don't know who gave them though. LOL. Pramis. Haha.
39. Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Yep. Pagmamahal at pag-unawa! Ahaha.
40. Name one song that you have been listening to lately.
7 Things by Miley Cyrus. Haha.
41. Do people ever make mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
Nope.
42. Have you ever started a sentence with No offense, but…?
Nope.
43. When was the last time you saw a police car?
Can't quite remember. Yesterday?
44. Did you ride in someone else's car today?
Nope.
45. Have you made a mistake in the past week?
Nope.
46. Who was the last person to text you?
Si Partyboi. Haha.
47. Do you miss someone?
Yeah, you can say that. Hehe.
48. Is there anything you regret about your past?
None that I can think of right now. Hehe.
49. What was the last movie you saw?
Hellboy II.
50. Are you sleeping somewhere other than home Saturday night?
Nope. Haha.
Friday, September 19, 2008
barenaked
Sometimes I think I'm the only one whose day turned out unlike it had begun.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Barenaked
*******
Now I know how it feels like to be singled out by the universe. I think it conspired to try and give me the shittiest day ever, one that will guarantee to ruin my happy streak.
I missed breakfast because my brother refused to buy pan de sal early on. And as I was on my way to work, somebody whom I rather not talk to sent a message asking for directions on how to go to Don Bosco, Makati. I wanted to tell him to get a map but I didn't. I'm nice like that. In fact, I think I'm too nice for my own benefit. Like how I didn't bother getting my change from that deaf, suicidal jeepney driver. It's hard to ask "sukli po nung bente" when the rest of his passengers were shouting curses for his insane driving. Fortunately, my body was still in one piece when I arrived at the office. Sadly, my right shoe wasn't. I noticed that the sole on the heel part was somewhat detached. Any other day, I would have gone home to change but I have to be somewhere in an hour so I just did the most logical thing to do - eat Mentos and rip it off completely. What's the worst thing that could happen right? Well, accidentally almost slipping on the street pavement that is. Along Ayala Avenue. Twice. Shit. But I just smiled, shrugged it off, and sang my way to the other office. Heck, I even thought it was funny.
After listening to what seemed to be an endless prattling about how a smile is part of our would-be uniform, our free logo shirt was handed out. I ordered a black one. I was given a white. But that's the least of my worries as I have tons of requirements to submit, and tons more of materials to go over in the next two weeks. It was already past two in the afternoon when I was able to eat lunch. And an hour after, I was back at the office feeling all drained and harassed from all the listening and smiling, and walking and smiling. It's just a relief to sit on my comfy chair after trying to short of crawl along the tiled floors of the building to avoid slipping.
But I was still smiling. And then I thought there was a saving grace to all this. I remember thinking all's well that ends well. However, nothing can end well when it never even started.
Sigh. (Read: I'm too tired to discuss further details. Well actually, I refuse to.)
And to the Powers That Be, you win! Not only am I unhappy, I'm furious!
End this fucked-up day and I might change my mind.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Barenaked
*******
Now I know how it feels like to be singled out by the universe. I think it conspired to try and give me the shittiest day ever, one that will guarantee to ruin my happy streak.
I missed breakfast because my brother refused to buy pan de sal early on. And as I was on my way to work, somebody whom I rather not talk to sent a message asking for directions on how to go to Don Bosco, Makati. I wanted to tell him to get a map but I didn't. I'm nice like that. In fact, I think I'm too nice for my own benefit. Like how I didn't bother getting my change from that deaf, suicidal jeepney driver. It's hard to ask "sukli po nung bente" when the rest of his passengers were shouting curses for his insane driving. Fortunately, my body was still in one piece when I arrived at the office. Sadly, my right shoe wasn't. I noticed that the sole on the heel part was somewhat detached. Any other day, I would have gone home to change but I have to be somewhere in an hour so I just did the most logical thing to do - eat Mentos and rip it off completely. What's the worst thing that could happen right? Well, accidentally almost slipping on the street pavement that is. Along Ayala Avenue. Twice. Shit. But I just smiled, shrugged it off, and sang my way to the other office. Heck, I even thought it was funny.
After listening to what seemed to be an endless prattling about how a smile is part of our would-be uniform, our free logo shirt was handed out. I ordered a black one. I was given a white. But that's the least of my worries as I have tons of requirements to submit, and tons more of materials to go over in the next two weeks. It was already past two in the afternoon when I was able to eat lunch. And an hour after, I was back at the office feeling all drained and harassed from all the listening and smiling, and walking and smiling. It's just a relief to sit on my comfy chair after trying to short of crawl along the tiled floors of the building to avoid slipping.
But I was still smiling. And then I thought there was a saving grace to all this. I remember thinking all's well that ends well. However, nothing can end well when it never even started.
Sigh. (Read: I'm too tired to discuss further details. Well actually, I refuse to.)
And to the Powers That Be, you win! Not only am I unhappy, I'm furious!
End this fucked-up day and I might change my mind.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
love
Yesterday, a friend asked me what love is. Unsurprisingly, I was lost for words. It was one of those rare moments when I couldn't seem to formulate a logical and judicious answer so I resorted to reply with a lame quote. I know that love refers to a variety of feelings and this diversity, and complexity, makes it unusually difficult for anyone to give it a constant, single definition.
I have long given up trying to define it because I believe love is one of those things that is better felt or acted upon than discerned and scrutinized by logic and reason.
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?
Sometimes, it's just better to give in to the feeling and not wrestle with what your mind's saying. Stop asking questions. Life is too short to be spent on such trivialities.
Just trust your heart. It will guide you.
I have long given up trying to define it because I believe love is one of those things that is better felt or acted upon than discerned and scrutinized by logic and reason.
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?
Sometimes, it's just better to give in to the feeling and not wrestle with what your mind's saying. Stop asking questions. Life is too short to be spent on such trivialities.
Just trust your heart. It will guide you.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
abrams
Quietly I'll leave. That's my only way to go - without a sound, keep the peace. And with my silence I hope you'll realize that the most important things were those left unspoken.
*******
POSTSCRIPT. This goes out to you.
*******
POSTSCRIPT. This goes out to you.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
awakened
Striker: I'm depressed [...]*******
MakMak: Is woohoo a word?
Striker: Woohoo!? Nope.
MakMak: Well, ganoon talaga [...]
Striker: Oo nga. Hay.
Striker: I should go out sometime. Date again. Baka sa school.
MakMak: Yep. Hanapan kita ng girl dito. Haha.
Striker: Geh nga. Kaso wag muna ngayon. Chaka pa ako.
MakMak: There's never a better time.
Striker: Well, it comes when it comes. And I want it now. Haha.
MakMak: Kung iisipin ko yun, na maghihintay ako maging cute at hot, hindi na siguro ako makakalabas na.
Striker: Hehe. Ayos.
Striker: I wanna be perfect. Make me beautiful.
MakMak: Ako, I just want to be with someone who finds me perfect.
MakMak: People who will find me perfect.
Striker: Ui. Ayos yun ah. Hehe. Count me in. Magtatayo ako ng fan club.
MakMak: I know. Haha. :P
Striker: Hahaha. Belat ka rin.
The world is made up of almost perfect. It's nothing but near misses and necessary compromises. I'm just asking you not to look so close. Nothing bears up under that kind of scrutiny.
- Jack Sheridan to Prue Halliwell, Charmed
Monday, September 15, 2008
woohoo
I remember thinking what it would be like if I were to get drunk.
That's probably one of the last coherent thought that I had because not long after I finished my Long Island Iced Tea, I realized that for the first time ever in my life, I might be drunk. If I had only known that something as seemingly harmless as a Long Island Iced Tea would pack such a wallop, I wouldn't have hurried downing it in as short as I think, three house tracks (approximately thirty minutes as a song's length is usually doubled when it is remixed for club use). Well, actually I still would've as I wanted it out of my way. A bottle, or glass for that matter, is the last thing that I would have wanted to hold that night.
Anyway, a voice in my head said that moving will probably keep me from fully succumbing to a drunken stupor. So even if I have never, ever danced in my entire life (that's a lie, of course), I followed the lead of my friends when they decided to go down and start partying. They danced while I settled for whatever movement my body could do. I didn't notice how long we have been on the floor but as soon as we stopped and headed back to our spot, I felt the dizzy kick in. And it's been like that for the rest of the evening, as well as the better part of the following day.
I remember telling myself that should there be a next time, I'll probably lay off the alcohol but then a friend said that it's actually better to have come home from a night out with one's head spinning than coming home from a night out not drunk. And I think I might have to agree with him on this because I'm crediting the effects of that drink for making me feel good and liberated that night. It's sort of a new kind of fun for me but it's still fun nonetheless. Clean, good fun.
And as a friend had put it, "Woohoo!" (Probably translates to "Yay! I had a blast and I'm looking forward to the next one.")
*******
POSTSCRIPT. Cheers to you two! ;P (Something that we forgot to do while our glasses were still full. Haha.) Thanks, really.
That's probably one of the last coherent thought that I had because not long after I finished my Long Island Iced Tea, I realized that for the first time ever in my life, I might be drunk. If I had only known that something as seemingly harmless as a Long Island Iced Tea would pack such a wallop, I wouldn't have hurried downing it in as short as I think, three house tracks (approximately thirty minutes as a song's length is usually doubled when it is remixed for club use). Well, actually I still would've as I wanted it out of my way. A bottle, or glass for that matter, is the last thing that I would have wanted to hold that night.
Anyway, a voice in my head said that moving will probably keep me from fully succumbing to a drunken stupor. So even if I have never, ever danced in my entire life (that's a lie, of course), I followed the lead of my friends when they decided to go down and start partying. They danced while I settled for whatever movement my body could do. I didn't notice how long we have been on the floor but as soon as we stopped and headed back to our spot, I felt the dizzy kick in. And it's been like that for the rest of the evening, as well as the better part of the following day.
I remember telling myself that should there be a next time, I'll probably lay off the alcohol but then a friend said that it's actually better to have come home from a night out with one's head spinning than coming home from a night out not drunk. And I think I might have to agree with him on this because I'm crediting the effects of that drink for making me feel good and liberated that night. It's sort of a new kind of fun for me but it's still fun nonetheless. Clean, good fun.
And as a friend had put it, "Woohoo!" (Probably translates to "Yay! I had a blast and I'm looking forward to the next one.")
*******
POSTSCRIPT. Cheers to you two! ;P (Something that we forgot to do while our glasses were still full. Haha.) Thanks, really.
Friday, September 12, 2008
troika
Striker and I did some catching up while we waited for the district manager to call me for the final interview. We haven't seen each other for the longest time (two weeks but it felt a lot longer) and I've been dying to know his thoughts on some issues that I've been dealing with lately. Like this one realization that occurred to me the previous Sunday when I was with MB and her boyfriend.
After our talk about Singapore, the two mentioned that they'll be heading out to hear mass.
"Mga 3:30 PM kami siguro alis para makahabol sa misa," MB said as she put her drink down.
"Ah, ako din magsi-simba mamaya," I answered back as I resumed playing Bejeweled on my laptop.
"Sabay ka na sa amin kaya," MB's boyfriend suggested.
"Oo nga," she seconded gleefully.
Shortly after, I found myself praying the rosary with a few hundred people as we were about fifteen minutes early for the next Eucharist. In between reciting prayers and willing myself to not feel the heat, a stray thought entered my mind - these two will invite me to join them for dinner later. I turned my head to the right and saw how MB moved her fan in wide arcs to provide a breeze for the three of us. Sweet. I focused back on the rosary and I prayed for something to come up so I won't have to lie about not being able to stay with them after the mass. Just after communion, I checked my mobile and saw two invites from two different friends. Just my luck. And as we headed out of the dome, MB asked where I'm headed next. I was about to answer when her boyfriend told MB to invite me for dinner. I politely declined and said that I'll be meeting another friend for a movie.
"But I don't even know why I reacted that way. I don't have anything against hanging out with a couple naman. Ang dami ko kayang sinasamahan na ganun and nakakatuwa naman sa part ko na nakikilala ko yung mga special someone nila. It's never a bad thing especially with my friends kasi sinisigurado naman nila na hindi ako ma-a-out-of-place. Yun nga lang, siguro napa-sobra na and ayaw kong palaging ako yung third wheel. Tapos hindi naman maiiwasan na may awkward moments kasi lahat naman ng couples may tendency na magpaka-sweet ng sobra-sobra or mag-tampuhan kahit may ibang tao. Yun..."
"Kuya, it's your destiny," Striker replied jokingly.
"What? Always a bridesmaid, never a bride," I sighed. "No fair! I want to be the bride."
And we both laughed. It felt good. I didn't even bother checking the reaction of the old man on the table next to ours. For all he knows, we're just being silly.
After our talk about Singapore, the two mentioned that they'll be heading out to hear mass.
"Mga 3:30 PM kami siguro alis para makahabol sa misa," MB said as she put her drink down.
"Ah, ako din magsi-simba mamaya," I answered back as I resumed playing Bejeweled on my laptop.
"Sabay ka na sa amin kaya," MB's boyfriend suggested.
"Oo nga," she seconded gleefully.
Shortly after, I found myself praying the rosary with a few hundred people as we were about fifteen minutes early for the next Eucharist. In between reciting prayers and willing myself to not feel the heat, a stray thought entered my mind - these two will invite me to join them for dinner later. I turned my head to the right and saw how MB moved her fan in wide arcs to provide a breeze for the three of us. Sweet. I focused back on the rosary and I prayed for something to come up so I won't have to lie about not being able to stay with them after the mass. Just after communion, I checked my mobile and saw two invites from two different friends. Just my luck. And as we headed out of the dome, MB asked where I'm headed next. I was about to answer when her boyfriend told MB to invite me for dinner. I politely declined and said that I'll be meeting another friend for a movie.
"But I don't even know why I reacted that way. I don't have anything against hanging out with a couple naman. Ang dami ko kayang sinasamahan na ganun and nakakatuwa naman sa part ko na nakikilala ko yung mga special someone nila. It's never a bad thing especially with my friends kasi sinisigurado naman nila na hindi ako ma-a-out-of-place. Yun nga lang, siguro napa-sobra na and ayaw kong palaging ako yung third wheel. Tapos hindi naman maiiwasan na may awkward moments kasi lahat naman ng couples may tendency na magpaka-sweet ng sobra-sobra or mag-tampuhan kahit may ibang tao. Yun..."
"Kuya, it's your destiny," Striker replied jokingly.
"What? Always a bridesmaid, never a bride," I sighed. "No fair! I want to be the bride."
And we both laughed. It felt good. I didn't even bother checking the reaction of the old man on the table next to ours. For all he knows, we're just being silly.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
slummin'
MB, a close friend, has been incessantly making follow-ups on our supposed plan to travel to Singapore by early next year. In fact, she, together with her boyfriend, joined me for coffee last Sunday to discuss in length the impending trip. We talked about the business climate in that region, possible employment opportunities, compensation range, and the things that we'll be buying as soon as we get our first pay check. We also discussed how much money we ought to bring as we were hoping to stay there for at least a month, thinking that it would long enough for us to land a job.
In line with this trip, MB provided me a ton of review materials for the CIA examination. She said that it would be better that we have an additional credential, like the certification, before we leave for Singapore. And since I thought that my barista stint was already a no go, I half-heartedly agreed to her suggestion. Her boyfriend however will be taking the CFA examination. And according to him, it will take place sometime around June. And then he said:
"Mak, kung matutuloy itong balak natin, kung puwede sana kasama ka na ni MB na mauuna sa Singapore ha."
Whoa!?
One, nobody told me that he'll be tagging along. Then again, I should've assumed that MB will always have a plus one. And two, as much as it would be nice to share an apartment with friends (as opposed to still being with my family at this age), I'm a bit reluctant to the thought of living with them for a year or so.
Don't get me wrong though, I love MB and her boyfriend. But I want a Grace, not a Rob and Ellen.
In line with this trip, MB provided me a ton of review materials for the CIA examination. She said that it would be better that we have an additional credential, like the certification, before we leave for Singapore. And since I thought that my barista stint was already a no go, I half-heartedly agreed to her suggestion. Her boyfriend however will be taking the CFA examination. And according to him, it will take place sometime around June. And then he said:
"Mak, kung matutuloy itong balak natin, kung puwede sana kasama ka na ni MB na mauuna sa Singapore ha."
Whoa!?
One, nobody told me that he'll be tagging along. Then again, I should've assumed that MB will always have a plus one. And two, as much as it would be nice to share an apartment with friends (as opposed to still being with my family at this age), I'm a bit reluctant to the thought of living with them for a year or so.
Don't get me wrong though, I love MB and her boyfriend. But I want a Grace, not a Rob and Ellen.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
disturbia
When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
*******
Liking somebody shouldn't be difficult.
It should feel like being on cloud nine. Free. Fluffy. Giddy. High. Completely gratifying even if it is utterly gratuitous. No frustration or insecurity can put you down for long because all you need to do is remind yourself that happiness is a choice, and that you choose to be happy. Not only is it contagious, happiness is also irresistible. And as long as you are happy, you are invincible. You become the better version of yourself and you see everything in a totally different light. And of course, throughout all these you're smiling.
It's so sweet it must be sickening.
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
*******
Liking somebody shouldn't be difficult.
It should feel like being on cloud nine. Free. Fluffy. Giddy. High. Completely gratifying even if it is utterly gratuitous. No frustration or insecurity can put you down for long because all you need to do is remind yourself that happiness is a choice, and that you choose to be happy. Not only is it contagious, happiness is also irresistible. And as long as you are happy, you are invincible. You become the better version of yourself and you see everything in a totally different light. And of course, throughout all these you're smiling.
It's so sweet it must be sickening.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
realize
I remember having read this e-mail last weekend (same time when I found the one about impressions). It was a good read so I thought it would be nice to share it with everyone else.
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
M. Macapagal / Manila Times
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.
So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.
You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple... find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?
Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."
You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away.
Monday, September 8, 2008
peace
The priest called out for the people to pray for world peace during yesterday's mass. Nineteen years ago, the school priest requested for the same thing from us first graders. Nineteen years. God that's awful long time. It got me thinking - am I really that old? Heh. Seriously though, it got me thinking if peace is really that elusive. Or if it is even attainable at all. Perhaps it's like non-fat ice cream, or instant-beauty-in-seven-days toiletries, or a "good" break-up - something that doesn't really exist but we have been made to believe in. Anyway, I tried to do a mental walk back accounting for the time when this yearning might have begun but all the thinking had me uncomfortable inside the church (read: awfully hot inside) so I stopped when I reached the post-Eden era. In any case, those are centuries piled on top of more centuries of men and their unwavering clamor for that utopia. Although there is no singular definition of peace, it has three requisites based on my understanding - 1) there must be a state of harmony and contentment, 2) there is an absence of hostility of any form and size, and 3) there is justice. In short, attaining peace in its most general sense is an impossibility. However, since it is also a perceived reality, this state of mind may be well within our reach as individuals if we could only be satisfied, fulfilled and more accepting to our limits as human beings.
Friday, September 5, 2008
impact
It has been said that there's no such thing as a second chance to make a first impression. Even if most are reluctant to do it, everyone stereotypes everyone based on first impression. And in as short as a couple of seconds, a person can already form an opinion on someone whom he had just met based on appearance, body language, demeanor and mannerisms. This emphasizes the significance of making one that counts for all the right reasons since this will set the tone of the relationship that follows.
I try to keep in mind the following things whenever I'm set to meet new people be it during job interviews, business meetings, social gatherings or friendly meet ups.
1. Be Appropriate.
Appearance will always be the first key in making an impression. Appropriate dressing and grooming is a big factor in making you feel the part. Also, a warm and confident smile never goes out of style.
2. Be Confident.
Much like with appearance, body language matters a lot in making a great first impression. A firm handshake, proper posture and making eye contact usually does the trick. Almost everyone gets a little nervous when meeting someone for the first time. Just be aware of your nervous habits and you'll do fine. People come off as more attractive when they are having a good time.
3. Be Attentive.
Everybody loves to be the center of attention. Well most people do anyway. So it is always good to show genuine interest in getting to know the other party. Listen and give him your full, undivided attention when he talks. However, don't let him hog the spotlight. After all, conversations are always a two-way street. Keep in mind that if you want someone to be interested in you, be interesting as well.
It does take a little extra effort to make a great impression but since it's almost always impossible to change or reverse, it's better then to just give each new encounter your best shot.
I try to keep in mind the following things whenever I'm set to meet new people be it during job interviews, business meetings, social gatherings or friendly meet ups.
1. Be Appropriate.
Appearance will always be the first key in making an impression. Appropriate dressing and grooming is a big factor in making you feel the part. Also, a warm and confident smile never goes out of style.
2. Be Confident.
Much like with appearance, body language matters a lot in making a great first impression. A firm handshake, proper posture and making eye contact usually does the trick. Almost everyone gets a little nervous when meeting someone for the first time. Just be aware of your nervous habits and you'll do fine. People come off as more attractive when they are having a good time.
3. Be Attentive.
Everybody loves to be the center of attention. Well most people do anyway. So it is always good to show genuine interest in getting to know the other party. Listen and give him your full, undivided attention when he talks. However, don't let him hog the spotlight. After all, conversations are always a two-way street. Keep in mind that if you want someone to be interested in you, be interesting as well.
It does take a little extra effort to make a great impression but since it's almost always impossible to change or reverse, it's better then to just give each new encounter your best shot.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
impressions
I was cleaning out my Yahoo account earlier this evening when I stumbled onto an old forwarded correspondence dated June 2006. It was the time when the only means to communicate with my favored officemates during office hours would be through e-mail. Damn company doesn't believe that providing full net access to everyone will increase employee morale, and consequently increase in their efficiency and productivity as well. Heh.
Anyway, so the four of us would send various messages throughout the day be it the simple lunch and merienda invites, the latest juicy gossip or just our countless complaints and grievances. There were times when somebody would write something hilarious that all four of us would giggle simultaneously which would draw questioning gazes from our seniors. Ah, fun times.
I think it was one of the things that brought us closer together - constant communication via Outlook. And the e-mail that piqued my interest was one that listed our first impressions of one another. I can't exactly recall how this came about but it must be during one of our bonding moments that we decided to tell each other these things, a year after we all first met.
For obvious reasons, I won't be listing their qualities. I sent them a copy of the e-mail anyway. I hope they post it as well. But this is how they found me three short years ago:
And this exercise proves just that - it helped the four us be more open and comfortable with one another. Each of us may have started a new chapter in our own lives but I am assured that what we have established won't make us a stranger to one another should our paths cross again. It makes me feel good to know that there are people like them in my life.
Anyway, so the four of us would send various messages throughout the day be it the simple lunch and merienda invites, the latest juicy gossip or just our countless complaints and grievances. There were times when somebody would write something hilarious that all four of us would giggle simultaneously which would draw questioning gazes from our seniors. Ah, fun times.
I think it was one of the things that brought us closer together - constant communication via Outlook. And the e-mail that piqued my interest was one that listed our first impressions of one another. I can't exactly recall how this came about but it must be during one of our bonding moments that we decided to tell each other these things, a year after we all first met.
For obvious reasons, I won't be listing their qualities. I sent them a copy of the e-mail anyway. I hope they post it as well. But this is how they found me three short years ago:
BOMIt's always nice to know how other people think of you. It gives us a chance to know which area we should work on (for shortcomings) and emphasize (for strong points).
First Impression:Surprise, Surprise:
- Di mahiyain (this is not "walang hiya" ha) pero naisip ko nun mabilis ka nag-open up sa amin ni Bob [MAK: Feeling close lang. Ehehe.]
- Reserved
- Sosyal (when it comes to material things) [MAK: Ngek! Hindi kaya.]
Totoo Pala:
- Super funny in a non-slapstick/toilet humor way
- Picky when it comes to friends but super loyal
- Likes to keep in touch often
- Always the gentleman
- Emotional/Sensitive
JELA
- Sosyal (Hahaha! Pero I don't mean it in a bad way),
- Reserved
- Mas gusto yung gumagalaw-galaw kaysa stagnant (this is not to contradict the "reserved" part... basta it pertains to two different things)
First Impression:Surprise, Surprise:
- Reserved
- Obsessive-Compulsive [MAK: Hala, sino kaya sa'ten ang mas-OC. LOL.]
- Fastidious [MAK: I'm not hard to please, no.]
JEN
- Opinionated
- Morbid sense of humor (Hahaha...)
- Game
First Impression:Surprise, Surprise:
- Suplado at may sariling mundo
- At sabi nga ni Bom, hindi nahihiya (kasi first day pa lang ata nagpapa-tugtog na ng malakas, at kumakanta ha! Hehe..) [MAK: Tahimik niyo kasi. Ehehe.]
- Someone that will make you anticipate what he'll do next
- Super fun
- Male counterpart ni Bom sa pagiging fashionista (Hehe...)
- Reflective
And this exercise proves just that - it helped the four us be more open and comfortable with one another. Each of us may have started a new chapter in our own lives but I am assured that what we have established won't make us a stranger to one another should our paths cross again. It makes me feel good to know that there are people like them in my life.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
positivity
Lately, I've been thinking of how I have been living a life like everyone's watching it when in reality, nobody's even slightly interested. Perhaps this is my way of saying that I miss my friends (because they're the only ones whom I can force to listen to my otherwise unsolicited life updates).
Or possibly, I'm just missing the idea of being with someone whom I can be my open, trusting and vulnerable self. Somebody whom I can't wait to see or talk to and share stories with. I miss having petty arguments. I miss trying to make somebody smile and laugh. I miss the comfort. I miss the sense of belonging.
Good Lord. I really need to go out.
It is hard on my part to be this exposed but when I started this blog I swore that I'll never hide what I really feel even at the risk of looking pitiful. Besides, it's not like I'm being singled out to be like this. Everyone, at some point in their lives, must have felt something similar.
I guess it's just my turn tonight, just one of those times when I'm struggling to keep a smile on my face. It's a tough battle but it's all worth it. I mean, one can never tell when somebody might fall in love with it.
And wanting to be wanted, for all the right reasons of course, doesn't make a person insecure nor vain. It makes him normal.
Or possibly, I'm just missing the idea of being with someone whom I can be my open, trusting and vulnerable self. Somebody whom I can't wait to see or talk to and share stories with. I miss having petty arguments. I miss trying to make somebody smile and laugh. I miss the comfort. I miss the sense of belonging.
Good Lord. I really need to go out.
It is hard on my part to be this exposed but when I started this blog I swore that I'll never hide what I really feel even at the risk of looking pitiful. Besides, it's not like I'm being singled out to be like this. Everyone, at some point in their lives, must have felt something similar.
I guess it's just my turn tonight, just one of those times when I'm struggling to keep a smile on my face. It's a tough battle but it's all worth it. I mean, one can never tell when somebody might fall in love with it.
And wanting to be wanted, for all the right reasons of course, doesn't make a person insecure nor vain. It makes him normal.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
bravado
If to be your friend means that I'll be the moth, and you the candle, maybe I wouldn't flutter away. But will you let me dance as the light flickers, or perhaps let me linger close enough to kiss the flame? And if only for you to keep me warm from the ravages of cold and lonely nights ahead, I'm ready to embrace the faceless and the unnamed.
*******
Contains elements of the composition 'Kiss The Flame' written by Jewel Kilcher.
*******
Contains elements of the composition 'Kiss The Flame' written by Jewel Kilcher.
Monday, September 1, 2008
dawning
I've been quite miserable lately. And it was just recently when I acknowledged the fact that I have some serious issues to deal with. That's why the break. It kills me to feel so crippled, incapable of combining words to even make a single decent statement. My muses were on strike. They refused to give me any mojo until I get things sorted out. So I gave myself till the end of the month.
It's September first. I'm far from fully sorting things out but I'm getting there. Naturally, damn muses won't budge. Well, fuck them. I'll get me some new ones because I need to write.
Writing has always been my avenue. Well that and singing (and I use that term very, very loosely). I took the time off thinking that it might give me perspective. But it didn't. I lost the one thing that kept me busy, and worse, it highlighted that I am living such a dull life.
Much like with how things turned out with regards to my personal issues. In a desperate attempt to find resolutions, I tried to put some distance between myself and my friends. I felt that I was becoming a bit too dependent, a bit too needy. I wanted to prove to myself that my being alone will put things back to how it were. I mean nobody wants to be a burden to anyone. In fact, it's not even my role. I'm supposed to be the sponge, not the starfish. Poor analogy, but you know what I mean.
Anyway, the effort was of course, futile. It was stupid to begin with. But it did remind me that most often than not, complex circumstances call for the most basic approach.
All these complications stem out from my dissatisfaction - with my writing, my relationships, my life. The old Mak would have argued that it's human nature to be incessantly wanting. But now, I just have this goal to live in the moment, cherish and appreciate people who really matter, and smile, thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.
It's September first. I'm far from fully sorting things out but I'm getting there. Naturally, damn muses won't budge. Well, fuck them. I'll get me some new ones because I need to write.
Writing has always been my avenue. Well that and singing (and I use that term very, very loosely). I took the time off thinking that it might give me perspective. But it didn't. I lost the one thing that kept me busy, and worse, it highlighted that I am living such a dull life.
Much like with how things turned out with regards to my personal issues. In a desperate attempt to find resolutions, I tried to put some distance between myself and my friends. I felt that I was becoming a bit too dependent, a bit too needy. I wanted to prove to myself that my being alone will put things back to how it were. I mean nobody wants to be a burden to anyone. In fact, it's not even my role. I'm supposed to be the sponge, not the starfish. Poor analogy, but you know what I mean.
Anyway, the effort was of course, futile. It was stupid to begin with. But it did remind me that most often than not, complex circumstances call for the most basic approach.
All these complications stem out from my dissatisfaction - with my writing, my relationships, my life. The old Mak would have argued that it's human nature to be incessantly wanting. But now, I just have this goal to live in the moment, cherish and appreciate people who really matter, and smile, thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.
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