wrapped up, packed up ribbon with a bow on it

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT ANGEL
Mariah Carey


The "Emancipation Of Mimi" and "E=MC²" propelled Mariah Carey back to the spotlight, and eventually proved that she is still a commercial force despite debuting in the industry some twenty years back.

Her twelfth studio album named "Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel", finds the best selling female artist in the world doing away with the mercantile sound, guest rappers and production stratagem in lieu of a low-key, return-to-form. She brings her music back to the heydays when her voice takes the center stage, and ends up with her best effort since the critically-acclaimed "Butterfly".

Carey's decision to stick with the production tandem of Tricky Stewart and The-Dream made "Memoirs" her most coherent album to date as well. Laying foundation on her old-school sound - slow jam rhythm and blues, plentiful mid-tempo ballads and urban grooves, the team managed to come up with a seamless story of love and loss, told through all fourteen tracks.

The likes of "Obsessed", the summer anthem that never took off, and the revamped "Shake It Off", "Up Of My Face" with its Drumline-inspired reprise, however, stick out as exceptions to the otherwise amalgam of melodrama.

"Betcha Gon' Know" lucidly paints a scorned woman's vulnerability. It does a great job of being the album opener as it perfectly sets the mood for the rest of record. "H.A.T.E.U." (Having A Typical Emotional Upset), "Candy Bling", "Ribbon", and "Standing O", despite their eye-rolling titles, are perhaps the best-penned, creatively produced tracks unintentionally geared for multi-format success. Their melodic hooks are just solid gold.

"Inseparable" remains catchy with its interpolation of Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time". "More Than Just Friends", on the other hand, is Memoirs' nearest counterpart to her usual upbeat releases like "Fantasy" and "Honey". Perhaps a remix which features a guest rap from Jay-Z or Diddy will make it livelier than it already is. "The Impossible" wraps up the listener into a sensuous groove with Carey's soft and intimate outpourings. Meanwhile, "It's A Wrap" makes use of the diva's raw vocal prowess layered over her own BVs. This is as vintage Mariah Carey as Mimi can be.

The last stretch of "Memoirs" has the songbird singing her heart out on tracks like the emotionally-charged "Angels Cry", the introspective prelude "Languishing" bleeds well into the gospel-tinged power ballad "I Want To Know What Love Is" which closes the album. A well-placed reminder of her legendary octave-scaling voice.

But she is so much more than that - a vocal acrobat, and even at its lavishness, Mariah Carey's singing has always been accessible. It remains warm, sensuous and ever-adapting and this sets her apart from every other regularity. "Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel" shows just that. Even at her most subtle, Carey is still in a league of her own. Her craft remains incomparable to the disposable pop that thrive in this era's airwaves. The record may not be the confession of sorts that everyone was expecting, but it certainly catalogs the diva's musicality at its finest.


DOWNLOAD: Betcha Gon' Know, Obsessed, H.A.T.E.U., Candy Bling, Ribbon, Inseparable, Standing O, It's A Wrap, Up Out My Face/Up Out My Face (The Reprise), More Than Just Friends, The Impossible/The Impossible (The Reprise), Angels (The Prelude)/Angels Cry, Languishing (The Interlude), I Want To Know What Love Is

when it rains

Yesterday's weather was conducive to sleeping but rather than laying on the bed and risk inviting unnecessary thoughts, I decided to do the activities that I have always wanted to do on my free time but for some reason, didn't. That's mostly because I don't have a lot of free time.

First, I got to make an impressive development in Project 160. In my aim to free up some space in Maxtor, I started to convert my MP3 files to a lower bit rate. However, due to the vastness of my collection, and my meticulousness in inputting the song information, I find Project 160's pace to be painstakingly dragging. I ended with Meja's folder. That leaves about 454 more artists to go. Plus, this year's new releases. Ak!

While iTunes convert a batch of MP3s, I rid Maxtor of useless files - mostly videos, pictures, drafts and irrelevant what nots. In doing so, I was reminded of the piles of boxes that I have yet to sort out. To my mom, it contains the junk I have accumulated growing up - books, magazines, comic books, cassette tapes and CDs, movie and PS2 DVDs, stuff toys, collectibles, room displays, picture albums, letters and old journals. To me, they are much more than that for every item, every page holds a memory that is very dear to me. That is why I kept them in the first place. Call me sentimental, but that's what I am. Once again, I procrastinated knowing how daunting it will be to ask and reflect if an item should be thrown away or not. It's a task for another rainy day.

I did some blog hopping as well and I was delighted to have found several new worthy reads. Delighted, by the way, is an understatement. Doc and White will laugh at me when I tell them this.

By four thirty in the afternoon, I found myself cozying up in the bed. So much for my plan not to give in but the combination of the afternoon drizzle and the sultry grooves of Memoirs, it would be impossible not to lay on the bed bumping Jodeci, or in this case, MC.

But all these singing of angels crying and candy blings put me in the mood to finish watching Love Actually. Just last Friday I chanced upon a song that asks why love is so hard to find. The movie's introduction contradicted this and stressed that love, actually, is all around. And I was this near to believing it, actually.

The movie did give me a few ideas for future blog entries. In fact, I am so excited to write them but it's just not the time yet. But I did write something last night. Thanks to the Wi-Fi access last night, I was able to go online and publish it.

Despite the gloomy weather and that unsatisfied desire to burn some calories, I have to say that my day went well. I just love the rain.

*******

POSTSCRIPT. My heart goes out to the victims of Ondoy. You have my prayers. We are a resilient race. We will recover from this.

the green apron chronicles, pt. II

I sat in the middle of the briefing room with twenty other people, most of which were younger than I am. This made me insecure and uncomfortable for a moment, and the fact that I was overdressed, as compared to the rest, made it much worse. In panic, I sent a message to several friends.

"Interview mode. Wah! Di ata ako matatanggap dito. I feel so ugly and old!"

But I'm really not, and for the record, no one is.

"Ano ka ba? Hindi ka pangit no! Kaya mo yan." Meet JJ, a true friend. Her words did comfort me a little but what gave me the full boost came a few minutes after.

The HR personnel came back and formally introduced herself. She instructed that she'll be pulling out papers from the stack she's holding, and the person who's called out shall introduce himself/herself as well. Apparently, this was how they go about the initial screening.

By the time my name was called, I had regained my confidence. I knew I had a shot at this more than anyone else in the room.

"Do tell me something about yourself, Mak."

I told her everything she needed to know and not once did she look bored. That's always a good sign.

"You're applying for a part-time job," she asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I have a lot of idle time right now, and I'd rather do something productive than trifle."

"So why Starbucks?"

"I've always wanted to try my hand in being a barista, and there's no better place to get the necessary training than here. Besides, Starbucks only hires the best. Similarly, I want to be associated with the best."

Bow.

Seemingly satisfied, she went on to interview the remaining applicants. After everyone has spoken, she excused herself and went out, saying she'll come back for the results.

The guy to my right began to make small talk when a girl came in the room and began handing out letters to a select few - those who didn't pass the interview. Luckily, what I got was a request to come back later that week for the second screening.

TO BE CONTINUED.

the green apron chronicles, pt. I

Some believed that I pursued this stint for purposes other than what I really had in mind. It all started with boredom. When I'm bored I tend to do a lot of crazy things and applying for a part-time job that I really didn't need definitely counts as crazy.

It was around this time last year. I was still with a company that patronizes my flex schedule. That means I work when I want to work. My boss is in the Americas and the time difference prevented us from having constant direct interaction save for the occasional monthly meetings which is usually set at nine in the morning, eastern time. I used to spend an hour at most to finish my tasks, after which I'm a free man. I chatted. I blogged. I Yovilled. I bloghopped. I had fun. But it got old really fast. I wanted to do something worthwhile, and since my job is last on the things regarded as worthwhile, I was forced to look for one that is.

Then I received a phonecall, "Hi! This is a girl with a forgettable name of Rustan Coffee Corporation. Are you still interested in applying for a barista position?"

Oh my heck! I have totally forgotten that MaeMae and I passed an application to Starbucks. But that was like months ago. Long before I've been to the US. Long before I've moved out of my former, former job. A lot has happened between then and now, but...

"Yes," I said unable to hide the delight in my voice.

See, I've always wanted to be a barista because I think they have one of the coolest jobs. I can't think of anything cooler than being able to enrich other people's lives through a cup of coffee at a time. Plus, they get to call out drinks to the customers.

"Decaf Venti Non-fat No whip Chocolate Cream chip Frappuccino Blended Cream for that cuteness in brown shirt!" (In a well-modulated voice.) Super excited! Wee!

But seriously, I've always been attracted to the idea of being a front liner. It felt like a calling back then. Sure I'm happy working at the back office but the thrill of forming connections with strangers by personally providing them service that exceeds their expectations appeals to me in so many ways. Perhaps, this is what I needed. A radical change in my otherwise dull office life.

"Yes. I still am," I repeated my answer.

"Okay. Then please be at our head office tomorrow for the initial interview."

TO BE CONTINUED.

mariah carey: coverage

Although the original song is really good, sometimes an artist makes a cover that is just so much better that it becomes the definitive version.

Mariah Carey manages to do that, or at least to a handful of remakes she did in the past nineteen years of her career.

Pre-Emancipation, she almost always included a cover song, or two in her albums. Aside from being a tribute of sorts to the original performer, her covers are a way of ensuring that she doesn't alienate her fans who adore the schmaltzy MOR (middle-of-the-road) ballads she used to belt.

While her last two albums were without any remakes, her latest effort promises a return-to-form with her rendition of Foreigner's number one hit, I Want To Know What Love Is. While the reception has been overwhelmingly positive, the impact of a traditional Carey single has yet to be tested in this era when synths and hard-thumping beats are favored over actual singing.

In any case, here's a look at the ten greatest remakes done by the best-selling female artist of all time:

10. THE BEAUTIFUL ONES (Butterfly, 1997)
Original by: Prince (1984)
The MC Factor: The Beautiful Ones, much like the majority of the tracks in the critically-acclaimed Butterfly, shows Carey veering away from the adult-contemporary and delving into a more mature urban sound. Her voice flourishes alongside Dru Hill's harmonies in this slow jam. A track length of a second short of seven minutes may seem a tad too long but the seamless storytelling and the promise of a climactic progression will keep one from hitting that skip button.

09. DIDN'T MEAN TO TURN YOU ON (Glitter, 2001)
Original by: Cherelle (1984)
The MC Factor: Carey's decision to include this in the soundtrack to her big screen debut makes a lot of sense. Glitter was set in the 80s, and the 80s won't be the same without the acid wash jeans, big hair, platform shoes and funky dancefloor guilty pleasure. This is a declaration that disco ain't dead yet.

08. LAST NIGHT A DJ SAVED MY LIFE (Glitter, 2001)
Original by: Indeep (1982)
The MC Factor: It is rather disappointing that people were quick to point out that Glitter was an epic failure because its accompanying movie tanked. If only they took the time to actually listen then they would have realized that the album actually showcases Carey at one of her creative peaks. Take for instance her stellar remake of the cult-classic Last Night A DJ Saved My Life. In between the raps, she provocatively whispers "there's not a problem that I can fix, 'cause I can do it in the mix", and with a banging beat like this, you're bound to take her word for it.

07. BRINGIN' ON THE HEARTBREAK (Charmbracelet, 2003)
Original by: Def Leppard (1981)
The MC Factor: Charmbracelet's best offering came in the form of an overblown Def Leppard cover. Infusing her signature hip-hop and pop sound with a suprising amount of live, organic instrumentation gave this otherwise rock anthem soul. If that's not enough, her whistle register vocals at the end are just eargasmic. Definitely encore material.

06. OPEN ARMS (Daydream, 1995)
Original by: Journey (1982)
The MC Factor: Carey's voice has always been undeniably, extremely pleasant. Radio-friendly to put it into pop music perspective. So even when she didn't make any remarkable alterations in the melody and structure of one of rock's most beautiful ballads, it still came out fresh and seemingly original. Truth be told, Carey can outsing and upstage Journey on this song.

05. AGAINST ALL ODDS (TAKE A LOOK AT ME NOW) (Rainbow, 2000)
Original by: Phil Collins (1984)
The MC Factor: Never mind the version with Westlife. Instead, take the one where she sings it solo. Carey shines best when her voice is front and center, and in this song, especially near the ending, that voice is just all over. That is a compliment, by the way.

04. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS (Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel, 2009)
Original by: Foreigner (1984)
The MC Factor: For quite some time now, the world longed for the vintage Mariah sound. In time for the release of her new album, she presents her rendition of I Want To Know What Love Is which is inarguably, a legitimate vintage Mariah record complete with the faux-gospel back-up, organic instrumentation, and of course, the voice as you've never heard it in the past decade or so. As one reviewer put it, the song is pure ecstasy!

03. I STILL BELIEVE (#1's, 1999)
Original by: Brenda K. Starr (1988)
The MC Factor: Back in the 80s, Carey used to be a backing singer for Brenda K. Starr. Almost two decades after, the octave-climbing diva then paid homage to the latter by covering Starr's first and only top twenty hit on the US Hot 100. Her version not only surpassed Starr's chart position, but ultimately became the new classic.

02. I'LL BE THERE (Unplugged, 1992)
Original by: The Jackson 5 (1970)
The MC Factor: It was a last minute addition to Carey's Unplugged repertoire and there were no plans to release it but her performance was so captivating that people began requesting it to be a single. Once issued, sales and airplay began to boom and as we all know, the rest is history. While Jackson 5's version is still glorified, Carey's remake certainly made its own mark in the history of the music industry.

01. WITHOUT YOU (Music Box, 1994)
Original by: Badfinger (1970)
The MC Factor: Without You has always been a pretty depressing song, and in the hands of Carey, it becomes the most haunting and impassioned cover ever. The production elements are just impeccable - her voice sounded full and robust, and yet brimming with utter sadness, the register she used is right on, and the delivery is just striking. Being depressed has never been this fun.

everblue

Tonight, the world seems to be a little too silent, a little too dark, a little too empty. Add in the occasional drizzle and it will make for a very potent combination. It will be unwise to be alone at a time like this with the likes of Taylor Swift and Amanda Leigh singing about white horses and Indian summers.

But here I am at the rooftop, looking at the stillness, immersing myself in their lamentations about love, or lack thereof. It's abnormal, I know. I can't help it though. I have a penchant for drama. But it's not like I walk around asking for such. Rather, I realized that these are resurfacing issues. Those that I, or the universe, or whomever holds my fate, have yet to resolve.

For months now, I have walked the streets, head up high, with the mindset that I am happy. However, the ugly truth never fails to creep back in. Despite the number of people around me, despite the multitude of persons I call friends, I still.

Feel.

So.

Alone.

Like two nights ago when I was called back to the office. I was beyond furious and frustrated. I was desperately in need of someone to talk to. I was about to bring out my phone when it occurred to me that I don't have anyone sans family whom I can run to. Well, not anymore, anyway.

One need not imagine how I felt that moment. I felt like a loser. I still do. It's not something to be proud of but I won't deny it. Everybody feels this way sometimes. Sadly, it's just my turn. And I hope no one else does because it's so hard to be in this position.

Tonight, I want to say the saddest lines but I don't think I can. Not when I know that no one's listening.

7 things (revisited)

The girls and I were supposed to do a similar exercise. We were to write down reasons why we like one another. However, as this was originally intended to be a self-actualization examination, I decided to come up with my own list. This will serve as my own little upper, my self-esteem booster when I'm down, a reminder why I am loved.

These are the seven things that I like about myself.

I like that...

01. I am confident, ambitious, persistent and ingenious.
My belief that I am meant for greater things drives me to be the best at what I do. I know what I want, and I will have it, by any legal and ethical means necessary. It may sound cocky but believe when I say that confidence will take you places. It's the best defense and offense one can have.

02. I know how to dress well.
I think I do. I am, by no means, a slouch but I need to shape up. And I'm getting there.

03. I can express myself well.
It's a gift, and I embrace it wholly. Words are at my disposal. I can use them as a soothing balm, or brandish them as weapons. Weapons that can jab and sting and hurt. But why do that when being able to touch other people's lives positively is much more rewarding? Plus, the perks of being heard, priceless.

04. I adore pop culture, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Let me repeat what I said before - learned men can talk about anything, like Miley Cyrus or Vanessa Hudgens, without the need to feel embarrassed or conscious about it.

05. I love to think that the world revolves around me.
I know that it doesn't but I still love to think that it does. And the fact that things have a habit of falling into place whenever I'm around doesn't help. This is what I get from watching too many sitcoms.

06. I am a really good friend, and my best friends are the best people in the whole world.
I care for them, sometimes, much more than I care for myself. My mom will disagree when I say that it's a good thing, but I will stand by my statement. I have faith in people, and that is never a bad thing.

07. I like that I am imperfect.
Every so often, I make mistakes. I turn left instead of right. I act without thinking thoroughly. But I learn from these. Besides, my flaws keep me grounded. It reminds me that I am human just like everyone else.

So I won't come off vainer than I already am, I narrowed it down to seven. I can come up with a whole lot more but who would want to read fifty narcissistic statements? I certainly wouldn't.

the best kick-off to the coming long weekend

"What I don't understand is that why would anyone need these numbers at this hour? Will they be making a decision tonight that will ensure growth by 2010? If that's the case then I'll go without a word. Otherwise, they can just... Hay. When I become the CFO, I won't make such silly, irrational demands from my people."

Like several other people, Striker found himself at the receiving end of my tirades once again.

"Nakakainis talaga! Wag silang magkakamaling, uhm, magkamali," I said before crossing the avenue. Fifteen minutes ago, I was already in bed, ready to call it a night when a colleague called.

"You need to come back. We need to finish everything tonight. Product is working late to accommodate us. Walang tulugan 'to," she said in a slightly enthused tone.

The mere fact that she exists irked me so I snapped, "Ha? Accommodate us? Seriously? Two days lang yung alloted time. We gave them four. Day fourteen na ngayon tapos 'accommodate us'." The line went silent until I began speaking again, "Anyway, can't I work from home? I'm still feeling a bit under the weather kaya umuwi ako kaagad. Besides, until the segments give me their targets hindi rin ako makaka-move forward sa process."

"They'll give it tonight. It's okay kung may access ka sa e-mail so you can coordinate and align with product. I also have to consolidate and send to Boss tonight," she said trying to get my sympathy.

"Okay." Then I hung up.

A few seconds after though, she called once again to say that I really need to be at the office. I was too pissed to answer so I mumbled "yeah, whatever" before dropping the call.

From this, one can infer that I am not a big fan of OTs. Well, I'm not. I am an eight-to-five child. I firmly believe that anything work-related should be finished within the office hours. Staying at the office for longer hours does not make you hardworking. On the contrary, it showcases that you're boring, and highly ineffective. But that's just a diligent person's opinion. This, however, does not mean that I'm not one to go the extra mile. I am so for those extra miles, and if OTs are it then yay for OTs. Just don't expect me to be there when I know that staying would be a complete and utter waste of my resources.

I am just a block away and I'm still unsure of how I will act as soon as I'm at the office.

"Keep your calm. Clever ka. Use it to your advantage," Striker reminded me.

It took me some time but I remembered my guiding principle just in time. Always finish stronger than you started. I've worked too damn hard to throw it all away, and the finish line is already within my reach for me to give up now. I can cut them into pieces later but for now, work beckons.

Instead of turning left, I went straight to Starbucks first to order four lattes.

Walang tulugan 'to.

glee

Yesterday I was asked, "What's your happiest moment?"

I felt pressured to come up with a brilliant answer. Five seconds into thinking, and I was still without one. My mind rummaged through each and every recent, imaginary Polaroid that catalog my memories, hoping to stumble upon a picture perfect moment -

the reconciliation... road trip to Baguio... seeing the Madz... being fearless... trusting best friends... shaping up... badminton Sundays... NYFD... stepping up at the office... movie dates... Tagaytay... Starbucks... seven-day birthday greetings...

But not a single one stood out. Don't get me wrong. I consider them all good times but nothing came close to my standard of a defining happy moment. Or at least, something was keeping me from choosing any one of those that I recalled.

It was saddening, and a bit frightening to be honest. There I was, boldly declaring my state of being happy and yet I couldn't give a straightforward reply to such a simple query.

I'm aware though, that most people, when asked that question, are unable to find an immediate answer. Ask them the opposite, and they'll readily provide you a list. It made me think. Perhaps, the human mind is built to recognize the low points in life, more than the good ones. Or worse, maybe, for some reason, we have forgotten the true and simplistic definition of being happy.

Maybe it's time I take a step back and figure out what makes me really happy first.

in sickness

One realizes how delicate and frail the mortal body is.

I told myself as I happened upon the scene at the rotunda. A rally of students coming in from across the street, home bound, fearlessly gallivanting, bare and unprotected against the heavy Friday night downpour.

It was raining hard, and the wind, she was cold and relentless. I could feel her seeping through three layers of thick cotton. I could just imagine how it was like for them.

They who stood under the rain without a care. Hair messed up. Every bit of their thin, inexpensive nylon clung to their bodies like second skin. But they frolicked, still. Laughed, still. Making the most out of the situation, the way only kids can.

Maybe I'm just too old to see the fun in what they're doing. Or maybe, it's because I just came out of a sickness partly caused by the depressing weather. It saddened me. Sooner or later though, they would understand. They need to understand that mahirap magkasakit. Magastos magkasakit.

I learned it the hard way. I just woke up Monday morning with my joints aching. I dismissed it thinking that it was just a post-Baguio thing, like a car lag or something. Then came the migraine that wouldn't quit. By Wednesday evening, high fever joined in. My skin was clammy. I felt queasy and weak and disoriented. Body parts were throbbing like hell. Chills-fest. My temperature even reached new heights. I was so sick. I should know as I rarely get ill. When I do though, I usually get it in full blast.

I thought I was going to die. Worse, I thought I was going to die, from dengue. That bit scared the shit out of me. I can't die from dengue! It's unacceptable! It's so, tabloid! As soon as I was able to get up, my mom and I visited our doctor. He gave me some meds, and seven hours after knowing that I was never a dengue victim and sa Biogesic, here I am on my way to a dinner date, despite the heavy Friday night downpour, despite my mom's heavy promptings not to. (I told her I brought an umbrella.)

Well, there goes my authority to preach.

my life is a pop song: crush

Len gushed as the opening notes of David Archuleta's Crush blared out of the car's stereo, "Ay, ay, ay! Yan yung gusto kong ipakanta sa'yo nung nag-videoke tayo!" She then turned to her left to seek confirmation from her friend if it was indeed the same song.

I laughed at the prospect. "Crush?! Bakit naman?"

"Ang ganda kasi. Nung narinig kitang kumakanta sa workstation mo, naisip kong puwede yung song na yan sa'yo. Yung pabago-bago nung tono." She paused before joining in the chorus, "Away-ay-ay".

"Ah! Gusto ko rin yun," I chuckled, before adding, "Ay, wait. Alam niyo ba..." I stopped briefly, hesitant to share another anecdote to the group. But then I thought, why the hell not.

Back in May, Archuleta and Cook held a joint concert here. Archie in concert. My Archie. Naturally, I had to be there. Even if I have to subsidize half of Striker's ticket just so he'd go with me. He refused to go VIP, while I wouldn't even consider seats beyond the VIP section. Hence, the bribe.

The crowd went wild when Archie came on stage, singing, hopping to the tune of his latest single. Then, I considered myself as part of that crowd. Wild. Crazy. Die-hard. I used two, three seats as a platform to see him better. Even from a distance, I found him so adorable. Dorky, but adorable. The I-want-to-adopt-him-right-then-and-there adorable. Really. I was singing along to each and every song, screaming like a high school loser. I had X1 out to record each performance, which on hindsight, wasn't a bright idea. It drained my battery. In any case, it was fun.

Despite all these, my mind would occasionally drift elsewhere. Hinahanap ko yung kaibigan ko. I would look around, every now and then, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. Iniisip ko kasi na mas masaya kung kasama ko rin siya. It would be twice as fun, or siguro, fun squared. Palibhasa, fan din kasi siya ni Archie. Big time. Hay. kasi naman di ko pa siya na-invite kaagad.

Anyway, the concert went on until Archie was down to his last song. Obviously, it would be Crush; and as the band played its intro, I had an OMG! moment.

"That's it! Tatawagan ko siya and sabayan ko si Baby Archie sa pagkanta ng Crush. I'm sure matatawa yun. As in," I revealed, grinning at my own cheesiness.

"Ang sweet naman nun," Larra responded as how I expected her to. She was sure that the gesture would have been appreciated; and to know that someone acknowledged what I planned on doing, was a reassurance.

"Well, sweet naman talaga ako," I replied pleasantly. I still had that adopted accent then. "So I tried to turn on my phone. I was in a hurry. It was a race against time, and I had like one chorus left. Sadly, all that recording emptied X1's battery cell. For reals."

"Naman," Len and the rest sighed.

"Yup. Hindi natuloy," I said. "Sad, no?"

"Oo nga. Nakakakilig kaya yun," somebody said. I smiled, wondering if they would react the same way if they knew the entire story.

The momentary lull was broken by Larra who suggested, "Eh di si Esther na lang kantahan mo."

"Hahaha. Ganun? Puwede din," I said gallantly. But in my mind, I was like, "Seriously? Eww."


'Cause I've tried and tried to walk away but I know this crush ain't going away.

and also with you

While waiting for dinner to be served, I called out Larra's attention, "Hay naku, you didn't go to mass kanina. Hindi mo tuloy ako nakita maging commentator."

It was the team's turn to sponsor the first Friday mass, and given the very limited manpower, I was given the role of the commentator. I was a bit hesitant at first. It's been a while since I heard mass so I was afraid that I would mess up my lines. But screw being afraid. I can do this. That's what I told myself. And it turned out fine.

"Oo nga. Ang galing mo kaya," Len added.

I laughed at the idea of being commended for being a commentator. "Galing ka diyan! There was a line that I forgot nga. Yung pari pa yung nagsabi. Nakakahiya kaya!"

"Please stand? Haha," the Prince said, referring to that post-Communion bit I missed. "Taas nga ng turnout ng tao ngayon eh. Alam siguro na magsasalita tayo!"

The group laughed. We were all used to the Prince's occasional bouts of cheekiness by now.

"At ang ganda ng boses mo ha. In fairness," Len stated.

"Ayun naman. Eh di ikaw na magsasalita every mass," Larra asked, joining the teasing.

"Ngek! Ayaw! Saka wag mong sabihin na maganda boses ko," I said. "Di puwede!"

"Bakit naman?"

"Alam mo na," I replied. "Kapag maganda boses di ba usually, hindi..."

"Kapag maganda boses, panget? Ay oo, pero exception ka," Monsy said in a joking manner.

"Hahaha. Naks naman. Yan gusto ko sa'yo eh," I said, laughing with them. The Prince, on the other hand, remained silent, his face wearing that expression I know too well.

Fine.

"Ikaw din, exception," I told him in the most reassuring tone. It made him smile.

It was nine in the evening; just in time for his ego booster shot.

fearless

I came upon a new blog a few weeks ago. The last entry posted caught my interest. I'm a sucker for well-written and insightful reads. Hence, I skimmed through its archive hoping to find similar works. It didn't take long though as the blog was relatively new, which I have mentioned three sentences ago.

Anyway, I found another one that drew my attention. It was his opening entry, his introduction. Apparently, the site was created by a seasoned blogger. It was meant to be his avenue for a more uninhibited storytelling.

His words, his thoughts were very familiar as I found myself in exactly the same position since two months ago. Until recently, I have felt so detached from my craft. I was thinking that a do over might help. A fresh start. A new blog. A new identity. I have thought long and hard, weighed things, and then I read his entry. It reminded me why this blog exists.

One Minute Before Dawn was born out of the need to express the truth. My truth. When I started this blog, I promised never to hide what I really feel. Not in real life and especially, not in here.

The reason why I can't seem to post anything decent lately is the fact that I don't want to write about things that I really, really need to write about.

Words that might hurt other people.

Thoughts that might be taken wrongly.

Ideas that might make other people judge me.

Therefore, I end up with nothing to tackle.

Fear has always been the biggest hindrance to all the good things in life.

I have learned to conquer mine, and I don't know how it gets any better than this.