prelude to a kiss: 14 days to love

It's quite perplexing why some people charge head on when the most exciting parts of the kiss are the moments that lead up to it.

It's like that feeling when everything stops and the collective is at the edge of their seats, watching, holding their breath, silently waiting for their cue to say awww. It's like the universe conspires to make everything turn out sweet and right and lasting. It may not, but at least for that moment it will all be about you and your other, celebrating that what could be the most complicated, addictive, scary and wonderful thing there is.

Sometimes, it's not just about the kiss.

choices

To go left, or right.
To take a leap, or to back off.
To prove, or to preserve.
To take the high road, or the easy one.
To accept circumstances as they exist, or to take responsibility for changing them.
To push through, or to walk away.
To be with the good, or not.

Choices.
We make them according to how we value our own worth.

*******

And I know what I'm worth... but it gets confusing at times. The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus, Greenbelt 3.

bad ass angels

Possessed Ice Cream Guy FTW!

*******

Dud; Watch Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight instead. Legion, Glorietta 4.

one time, she punched me in the face

It was awesome.

Regina George; she's like, really pretty.

*******

Lesson learned: Never theorize before you have data. ALWAYS. Sherlock Holmes, Glorietta 4.

the coming summer

This is one of those fanciful nights where, by sheer circumstance, all feels off and yet the universe, somehow, concocts something to make it quite alright.

You look out to see how the moon and the stars emblazoned against the dark blue cast a fairly lit glow down the empty street, putting everything in a standstill. Quiet and unmoving. Except for the wind, bellowing.

You came out to gather new thoughts, but instead you recollect old memories carried by the draft of seasons past. It brushes and plants soft kisses against bare skin. Warm, like the previous summer, or the one before that, or even the first ever you can remember. Revisiting feelings you always intended to keep stashed. You smile. There's just too much anxiety to keep it all in. You long for the coming summer.

The most recent was genuinely fun and unadulterated despite the perennial everblue looming over. The summer before that was rather heartbreaking what with all the heat. You came out badly burned. Two summers before, well, pretty much same old same old except that you were younger, and more brazen then. You take it all as part of your conditioning. To see what works and what doesn't. To know the best things to do, and what to stay away from.

While the coming summer promises nothing, you remain confident that it will be nothing less than enjoyable. The year started quite well, and you trust that it will only get better. At its onset, you'll be ready to go beyond and travel farther, frolic from coast to coast and get sun-kissed for real.

This may be the summer that you have been waiting for, and it's just a matter of whether it will be better this time around. Perhaps, so good that you would wish that it can be summer for a very long time, if not forever.

Yes, this has been a fanciful night indeed. Now, you are alright.

love on the run

The pain of the old. The excitement of the new.
In these lie the uncertainty of which one is true.

Take your time. There's no need to hurry.

*******

A lot like February. The Rebound, Power Plant.

what the world thinks

We have created for ourselves a culture that is heavily influenced by what other people think. Despite the restriction that the notion imposes, most of our actions are still driven by the polarity of approval and rejection that we solicit from the world. But if you think about it, what other people think about us is really none of our business.

I remember one instance when I was informed that a person told a few people that there was nothing remotely likeable about me. Did I let it affect me? Of course. I won't be hypocritical and say that it didn't. It did in ways that you can't imagine. It was hurtful, but I knew better. I could've gone out of my way to let them know who I really am. Perhaps, even get them to like me. But that's a zero-sum game. Winning them over by approval would probably keep me captive with the threat of the same being revoked.

People judge. It's something inevitable. Nevertheless, their judgement, more often than not, is fleeting. And in the above case, it is insubstantial and very unreliable. I have learned not to make a big fuss if they, or any other people for that matter, can't find anything redeeming about me. It may come off as being defensive, but really, it's not my loss.

What that person said had very little to do with me. Those people, they don't know me well enough, and they don't know what I'm capable of. Hence, their opinions don't matter and my ego is secure enough to claim that. This isn't bravado. This is about knowing whose opinions really matter because at the end of the day, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.

surviving z-land

Rule #32: Enjoy The Little Things.

*******

Plants Vs. Zombies, office. Zombieland, Greenbelt 3.

in deserving it (a response)

So what should we do then? Stop rationalizing. Find acceptance. Seek for happiness. Think about your consolations. Ignore your desolations. By doing so, you grow up, you become better.
- Goodboi, In Deserving It

*******

It is perfectly normal for one to claim that he/she has been good or bad, or make a follow through whether he/she is deserving of an event's consequence or not. After all, men are rational beings.

Knowledge comes from reasoning, and reasons play a role in our survival. It is imperative that we think and come upon the conclusion that things do happen regardless if its purpose is apparent or not. Only then can we proceed to the second step which is total acceptance. It is a must though that we be enlightened in the quickest possible time for the longer one spends thinking, or wallowing for some, the harder it will be for him/her to move on.

It is only through reasoning - sorting out which detail is useful and which isn't - that we truly become better, wiser persons.

they, who matter

"When you ask God, when you pray for Him to bestow you something, you should first cleanse yourself, your spirit. You should first let go. Learn to let go."

The priest stated during last night's Homily. While that remains to be a bit off from the readings, the statement is the first of two things that struck a chord. The other one's about the poverty of availability.

Being there for everyone carries with it its own sort of poverty. Sometimes, we are presented with circumstances that would call for us to be someone's shoulder to cry on, or someone's balloon that will keep him floating up, or someone's wall where he can lean on, or someone's stronghold that will make him feel secure.

While being somebody's someone is already a reward in itself, being too available can be draining. We run so fast and perform our roles so hard that we fail to notice the red flag - if we go any further or if we push any harder, we're bound to land flat on our backs, or worse, burned. For that matter, we end up being incapable of rendering help to anyone else. As a consequence, the rest - those who might need us - suffer.

Don't get me wrong. It is never not good to be there for those who are genuinely in need, friends and strangers alike. However, we have to remember that we can only give so much. Learn to prioritize and more importantly, a balance between their needs and our resources should always exist. How can we help if we have nothing left to give? Our own well-being matter. So I say we say, "I matter".

when bad things happen to the undeserving

"So how do you know that yours is not a happy ending," the dearest officemate asked over lunch at a quaint diner called Mr. Jones. We wanted to have dinner there last Friday but the place was packed so when we went out this morning to buy a Lego set as a gift to an officemate, I suggested we check if we can have lunch there. Anyway, in between spoons of mashed potato, my first time to eat one ever, and the scrumptious almond-coated chicken, we discussed how fairy tales are as far out as real life is.

"I don't," I answered. I took a long sip from my Malt Chocolate Milkshake before adding, "That's why I'm trying to make the most of it. I don't know when and how this happy will end."

*******

A little before five, the dearest officemate walked towards my workstation and tried to get my attention as I was listening to Archie then. I took my earphones off and said, "What's up?"

"Sorry, Mak ha," she said. Her voice with a hint of despondency. "Alam ko naman personality mo. Ma-absorb mo 'to. Pero wala lang ako masabihan."

"Ano ka ba? Wag mong isipin yun. What happened?"

She sat on my visitor's chair and told me of the update on her brother-in-law's situation. The latter got into a motorcycle accident at the dawn of the new year. After being unconscious for a couple of days, he woke up last Monday to everyone's relief. While one can assume that the worst is finally over, the trauma made a mess out of him and put the family in a bleak situation.

The dearest officemate tried to hold back her tears while telling me this. It was heartbreaking to see her this way. After composing herself, she uttered, "Pasensya na ha. Kwentuhan mo na lang ako sa lovelife mo para sumaya ako."

I laughed. "Hayaan mo. Mag-iimbento ako para sa'yo." I turned off my notebook, cleaned up my desk and told her to do the same. At times when words won't suffice, a cup or two of Red Mango's yogurt and perhaps a movie, might just do the trick.

It sucks when bad things happen to good people. Wait. Let me rephrase that. It sucks when bad things happen to people who seem undeserving of them. But that's life.

There are some things that we're not meant to fully comprehend right away; and like what the dearest officemate reminded me, after all the tribulations, we just have to trust that we're all bound to have that happy ending.

put a ring on it

I'm not a fan of Beyonce and I have a certain dislike of everything that she stands for. I have to say though, she nailed this one right on - "if you like it, then put a ring on it". Enough said.

*******

Cheering for the prettier version of Destiny's Child a.k.a. the Chipettes. The trio made Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) much more enjoyable, in my opinion. Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel at Rockwell.

oooh i wish i coud tell somebody

Let me do a little kiss and tell myself. In this case though, there will be less of the kissing (or how about none), and more of the telling. Ready? Well, I have a crush and it's of the "tuwing-makikita-mo-siya-parang-tumitigil-ang-mundo, lumalakas-ang-pintig-ng-iyong-puso, ika'y-naiiwang-tulala, suot-ang-ngiti-na-abot-hanggang-tenga, nagba-blush, at-dahil-sa-kung-anumang-dahilan (marahil-sa-init) kulang-na-lang-ay-matunaw-ka. Yun-bang-parang-hayskul-ka-ulit, at-normal-pa-yung-kiligin-ka-ng-sobra-sobra" variant. But let's not overanalyze or make too much of it. After all, it's just a little crush.

when plans go to waste

To jump start 2010, the team scheduled the first in the long list of activities planned for the year this weekend. Saturday was supposed to be Enchanted Kingdom day. "Supposed" being the operative word. Due to a last minute fortuitous event, I had to send a text blast last night to inform everyone that we'll be moving the said event to a latter date. But that wasn't the most difficult part. Because really, what could be more difficult than to face the realization that all the time spent and effort given into planning the whole thing was laid to waste?

Handling logistics is a nightmare. People, on the other hand, are much more so. While I revel in the fact that I do love setting up these kind of things, be it a simple dinner date, a grand reunion, or a five-day getaway - I am inclined to feel slightly hesitant at times to accept the responsibility. Being in charge means I am tasked to do the inviting myself and with this, I am opening up myself to a world of hurt, and that is rejection. Perhaps, I am indeed afraid of it. But who isn't? Mahirap mag-plano. You really wouldn't take on the role if the people concerned are the ones whom you hardly give a damn about. You do this for the people whom you want to see happy and pleased. You exert effort because you care.

For now, I shall let my hurt speak. If people are just going to say no, they might as well say it right away so I can devote my energy to the things that matter because last-minute cancellations and what not are the worst that anyone can do in my book. I know it is a rather myopic point of view but I am imperfect; and until the day I become numb or indifferent, expect me to whine every once in a while. I am human. Frustration can still get the best of me.

Time and effort - two things that I invest on people who matter. It's sad to see them wasted. Maybe next time I'll take the back seat and let them do the planning.

it's betsy, bitch, pt. III

"Psylocke wants Matsu’o Tsurayaba dead for what he’s done to her. But it turns out that she’s not the only one who wants his head. Now, Psylocke is in a race against a super-powered assassin to get to Matsu’o first…because if anyone is going to end Matsu’o, it’s going to be her"

MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS "PSYLOCKE"
WRITTEN BY CHRISTOPHER YOST PENCILED BY HARVEY TOLIBAO
COVER BY JAY DAVID RAMOS

JANUARY 2010

*******

Loving the full colors on this one.

tales from 155 riverside: say nyt marc

While to most, the act of saying goodnight is at times, one of the little things that go unnoticed or one of those that do not really matter, I personally consider it as one of the sweetest gesture a person can do to another fellow.

Recently, my fondness for saying goodnight was made fun of by my dearest officemate. After hearing my anecdote for the day, she exclaimed, "grabe naman kasing obsession sa goodnight yan eh."

In defense, I shared the brief history of how my apparent "obsession" came about.

Similar to how Will and Grace's "Say goodnight, Gracie" thing (as first shown in the closing scene of the pilot episode), my best friend and I have our own. Whether it is through SMS, YM or some other means, we almost always bid each other goodnight.

I can't recall how it was exactly squeezed into our conversation then, but when I first mentioned how I noticed how he's been sending me goodnight messages every night, for the past several evenings, he meekly said, "naalala ko kasi na nabanggit mo dati na wala ng magsasabi sa'yo ng 'goodnight'... kaya ayun."

(Ladies and gentlemen, the sweetest and most thoughtful person I know. Other than myself.)

From then on, it has been a ritual of sorts between us, and I have become so accustomed to it and its niceties.

I say "Nyt" to graciously wrap up a late night conversation. I give out a "Nyt" to bridge the physical distance between myself and another. Perhaps, out-of-the-blue I shall utter "Nyt" to let another know that he/she is remembered.

After explaining, a recent incident came to mind. "Nakakatawa! Kagabi lang niloko ko siya about that," I added.

"Oh, ano yun?" She inquired.

"We were talking online, but it was already late so I told him that I'll go ahead and sleep.

Mak: Hey, mauna na ako. Maaga ako bukas Umaga ako mag-gym.
The best friend: Sige, sige. Good night.

So I bade him good night as well, but not before pointing out something, just to tease him.

Mak: Hmmm... Kailan pa naging good night yun?
Mak: Hehe.

Fortunately,

The best friend: Ahaha.
The best friend: Nyt Marc.

He got it."

"Obsessed!" The dearest officemate quipped.

"No, I'm not! Anyway, yun yung story ng goodnight na iyan."

"Basta, greet mo siya ng goodnight mamaya ha," she said.

I shrugged. Perhaps, I will.

once in a blue moon

Every once in a while, something new comes along that changes everything.

*******

One imperfect shot meant to capture the rare marvel. T minus 5.

for you from me: 2009 last lines

Words that we have yet to speak hold no power over us but let me relinquish that dominion for my heart can't bear to shelter words that I know need be heard.

It may have happened by chance, or by magic coming out of nowhere, or this can indeed be a game that destiny designed for us. Yes, the universe is tricky, and at times, misleading. Though one thing is for sure; life doesn't lay out plans and let paths cross without a reason. As to what roles we are meant to play, I, too, am curious. I reckon that it's our turn again to win some, or learn some.

In your case, I know I'm meant to win and God knows how much I'm thankful for that. You are my person. You are my shoulder to cry on. You are my fortress. You are my wall. You're the one who will be there through and through, and that's pretty much the only thing that I need to know to be okay. It would take all of my life to find someone more there for me. Call me lucky to have you.

You, who made my year quite interesting - from where I stand now, I can look back, smile and appreciate what I've been through. It was a beautiful mess. No one taught me about love or life but I learned a lot each moment that I flew. Yes, for in coffee city I borrowed heaven, with you. While the most important thing has already been said and everything is pretty much back in order, humor me - have you ever wondered what we could have been if you'd only let me?

There's still much to say, but once again, I find myself lost for words. Perhaps, some other time; some other entry. For now, let these be unspoken no more.

resolution: 2010 must do's

According to the stars, I connect well with the Tiger. Therefore, I have luck on my side this year. It has been said that I am to expect some monetary windfall, as well. More importantly, for me to find some unexpected successes in my line of work and my love life in 2010, I need to put off my sentimental ways. Fine.

While I don't take these predictions seriously, I might as well believe that I'm in for a blessed year. After all, we attract what we feel. So in order for me to draw good fortune I need to keep a positive attitude and a healthy perspective this year.

It's go time for 2010!

SMILE. No more sighs. No more drama. Confidence is the key. The mantra: I am indispensable.

CONNECT. Spending time with my best and most awesome friends last year made me realize one truth - invest on people who really matter - those who will be there, no matter what. Nevertheless, I believe that there are a lot of good ones out there. They just need to be found. For 2010, I shall expand my network and befriend at least three strangers each month. That means there'll be 36 more heads on my Christmas list by December.

TRAVEL. For traveling brings me peace and joy like no other, it's time that I go back to being a wanderer. Destinations like Hong Kong, Macau, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, and Vietnam await me. New York and Los Angeles by December, if I'm really that lucky. Looking forward to revisit Palawan this summer, and Bohol, as well. Can you tell that I'm already giddy?

LEARN. No more waiting around this time, I need to take up my Masters, study a new language, Spanish, for starters, enroll in a photography class, for real, and learn how to drive. Not necessarily in that order.

READ. Finish my back log. On top of it, I should be able to read two new books each month. Comic books, as much as I love them, do not count.

RUN. I envision - for me to be at the top of the Marketing class, my ultimate test is to be able to market myself to people. While I already have the quality that sells, I just need to work on the packaging. (Like I said, confidence - it's everything.)

SAVE. While traveling is a bit expensive, I will try to find a way to save. After spending on the renovation of my ancestral house for the years or so, it's time to start working on my own dream - taking inspiration from my bestfriend's brother, I plan to buy a piece of land this year, and on that piece of land, my dream house shall be erected. Hopefully.

GIVE. With all the blessings I have received, it's only fair that I give back. Gracie and I are planning to engage and/or organize outreach activities this year. Her goal is to teach young kids; my plan is to spend my birthday in an orphanage (or some place similar). They might be baby steps but I'm sure our little help will go a long way.

LOVE. "Live in love," Striker said after bidding me a happy new year. If to live in love is to be fearless, to live without regrets, to be vulnerable and to be completely trusting, then I think I already am.

BELIEVE. Be more consistent in hearing mass. Trust. Everything happens for a reason.

WRITE. Since the hard drive incident, I decided to go back to basics. This year, I am doing away with the e-journal. Instead, each night, I will be writing down the day's activities the traditional way. I'm keeping a planner as well. If that won't make my life organized, I don't know what will.

2009 left me with a lot of wounds but I have turned them into a proof that I survived the fight.

I am ready to face 2010;

I will never be defined by limits;

I will not let anyone and anything discourage and dissuade me;

I shall live in love;

I am ready to step it up;

And I won't stop until I reach the top.

So it was written, so shall it be done.

on air: 2009 year in music, pt. III

I HATE THIS PART
The Pussycat Dolls
Doll Domination

Gotta talk to you now before we go to sleep. But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me?

This is, by far, the best song in Nicole Scherzinger and the Pussycat Dolls' catalog. It's not the usual bump and grind Pussycat track, nor is it a grating, pointless ballad by Scherzinger (in fact, its vocals pack an emotional wallop - "I gotta do eeeeeeeeeeeeet"). I Hate This Part is nestled somewhere in between and that's what makes it awesome. I think.

HALO
Beyonce
I Am... Sasha Fierce

I got my angel now.

If it weren't for Glee's awesome mashup of Halo and Walking On Sunshine, I wouldn't have acquired a certain liking for this song. And just for the record, Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone is miles better than Beyonce's rip-off.

LOVE STORY
Taylor Swift
Fearless

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around.

This was such a huge hit because I believe, deep down in each of us there's a little Taylor Swift, earnestly singing 'You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes. Oh oh.'. Oh, to be young, naive and romantic!

POKER FACE
Lady GaGa
The Fame

And baby, when it's love if it's not rough, it isn't fun.

Truth be told, most songs by written by the great GaGa seem like a patchwork of lines that sounds good despite it not making any sense, whatsoever. Like with Poker Face, I don't care if it talks about her sexual preference. All I know is that the house remix of this song is hot.

IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S OK
Ashley Tisdale
Guilty Pleasure

I'm so much better without you.

"So don't you bother what I do!" One listen to this track will surely get me back on my feet. Its words are so self-empowering. Back in the day when I was down and out, Ashley Tisdale's song was my saving grace. It helped me get back what I seemingly lost.

THE CLIMB
Miley Cyrus
OST - Hannah Montana: The Movie

Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.

Miley Cyrus is one of our favorite topics, the King and I. One night, while we were heading home, I remember saying that it usually takes one genuinely good song for me to change my mind about an artist. The Climb, truth be told, is one of the best songs I've heard this decade. That's a lot considering it's by the one artist whom I can't stand. So yeah, I haven't changed my mind about my great dislike of Cyrus.

JAI HO! (YOU ARE MY DESTINY)
The Pussycat Dolls feat. A. R. Rahman
Doll Domination

You are the reason that I still believe".

"Alam mo inis na inis ako sa'yo nung panahon na yun," I remember Binx telling me. We watched The Pussycat Dolls concert here in Manila last year, and I was not in the mood to party. Short of the story, I was sulking the entire night despite his effort to cheer me up. That extra ticket, I handed it to some random stranger hoping he'd have more fun watching the concert.

OBSESSED
Mariah Carey
Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel

You a mom and pop, I'm a corporation. I'm the press conference, you a conversation.

For the better part of 2009, the word "obsessed" has been a running inside joke between Binx and I. To my delight, Mariah Carey released a song entitled as such. I was like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" Fun dark times.

YOU BELONG WITH ME
Taylor Swift
Fearless

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans. I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be.

I swear Taylor Swift brings out that person who sings in front of his mirror, with a hair brush for a mic, in me. But only when I know that I'm alone.

HOW DO YOU SLEEP? (REMIX)
Jesse McCartney feat. Ludacris
Departure: Recharged

How do you stay awake knowing all I do is think of you?

How Do You Sleep's infectious beats and bittersweeet words got stuck in my head the first time I listened to Jesse McCartney's 2008 offering, Departure. Despite his relative success, I don't know what's keeping this talented guy from getting the recognition he deserves.

on air: 2009 year in music, pt. II

LIVE LIKE WE'RE DYING
Kris Allen
Kris Allen

Should be so careful who we left out of our lives. And when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line.

I was so happy when Kris Allen won last season's American Idol. All I remember thinking was, "Ha! Suck it, Adam Lambert!" It's Team Kris through and through!

PAPARAZZI
Lady GaGa
The Fame

Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me.

I wasn't into the whole Just Dance and Poker Face craze but Lady GaGa got my attention when she released Paparazzi, and its accompanying self-indulgent short form video, which I haven't seen in its entirety up until now. I love how the song creates this illusion that there are cameras flashing at me when I listen to it while I work out.

A LITTLE TOO NOT OVER YOU
David Archuleta
David Archuleta

And I turn around, you're with him now. I just can't figure it out.

It was a tough battle between Taylor Swift's White Horse and David Archuleta's A Little Too Not Over You to be named as my life's soundtrack back in early January of last year. But as much as I adore baby David, my penchant for fairy tales and drama reigned. Nevertheless, his music remains close to my heart.

CELEBRATION
Madonna
Celebration

Let's get this started, no more hesitation 'cause everybody wants to party with you.

One morning, my boss walked over to my area and placed the latest greatest hits CD of Madonna. "Maganda yan, pakinggan mo," she said in a tone that is more of an order and less of a suggestion. She left me staring at the CD like it was a dead cockroach. I was like, "Why would she think that I would like Madonna?" Because I don't, really.

I GOTTA FEELING
The Black Eyed Peas
The E.N.D.

Party every day, p-p-p-party everyday!

It's bad enough that it tied Mariah Carey's We Belong Together for the song with the most number of weeks on top, but I would have strangled someone if this insanely catchy piece of disposable pop was declared as the number one song of the decade. Good thing it didn't.

WHITE HORSE
Taylor Swift
Fearless

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.

I think the best love songs are written by non-adults, and in this case, a high-school student. They sing of highs and it feels like you're in heaven, and when they sing of the blues, you would want to cry with them. Taylor Swift just does that. White Horse was pretty much my song last year. Not that I can entirely relate to it but certain bits and lines like, "there in my rear view mirror disappearing now" are just too dramatic/poetic to ignore.

PARTY IN THE U.S.A.
Miley Cyrus
Time Of Our Lives

I'm nodding my head like "Yeah!" Moving my hips like "Yeah!".

Miley Cyrus may be the most obnoxious and overrated 17-year-old celebrity this side of the universe - like this one time, she mentioned in an interview that she has not heard a single Jay-Z song in her life and everyone was like, "but you said the Jay-Z song was on!!!" - but she sure is lucky to be given pop songs that are catchy as hell. Yeah!

CRUSH
David Archuleta
David Archuleta

Do you ever think when you're alone all that we can be, where this thing can go?

Click, click - My Life Is A Pop Song: Crush.

BOOM BOOM POW
The Black Eyed Peas
The E.N.D.

I'm so three thousand and eight, you're so two thousand and late.

Halfway to Baguio, the designated driver changed the car's music to The Black Eyed Peas' latest album. In the middle of nowhere, at the dead of the night, everyone was merrily chanting, "Boom boom boom!". It got old after two minutes.

BATTLEFIELD
Jordin Sparks
Battlefield

If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose what we had, oh no.

When this was released, I was so ecstatic and claimed that this will be the biggest song of Jordin Sparks, and of 2009! I was so wrong. Ahguessahbettagoangetmaarma!

TO BE CONTINUED.

on air: 2009 year in music, pt. I

Love Story (Taylor Swift) and Poker Face (Lady GaGa) dominated the airwaves. Michael Jackson died. Kelly Clarkson resorted to recycling old tunes, and Photoshop. Sugababes voted off their last original member, Keisha Buchanan. Blair Waldorf released a single. Kris Allen came out on top over Adam Lambert. Chris Brown never recovered from his career collapse. The Princess, now Queen of Pop, Britney Spears sang about threesomes. Toni Braxton, Shakira, Rihanna failed to make a dent on the charts this year. Mariah Carey released the best album of her career but was surprisingly ignored by the public; remains as one of life's greatest mysteries. What's more astonishing is that Susan Boyle managed to close the gap to a hundred thousand in the race for this year's best selling album, in a few week's time. Glee happened. Yay, Sue! Boom Boom Pow became a verb. Whitney Houston never really came back. And Miley Cyrus' song was on!

Here's a list of my top 100 songs of 2009.

*******

100. LIGHT ON, David Cook
099. ISSUES, The Saturdays
098. RUSSIAN ROULETTE, Rihanna
097. BAD INFLUENCE, Pink
096. HOT N COLD, Katy Perry
095. LIVE YOUR LIFE, T.I. feat. Rihanna
094. BROKEN-HEARTED GIRL, Beyonce
093. FUNHOUSE, Pink
092. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, Pink
091. S.O.S. (LET THE MUSIC PLAY), Jordin Sparks

090. LUCKY, Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat
089. I GOT YOU, Leona Lewis
088. THE FEAR, Lily Allen
087. TOP OF THE WORLD, The Pussycat Dolls
086. LOVEGAME, Lady GaGa
085. BEAUTIFUL, Akon feat. Colby O'Donis and Kardinal Offishall
084. WAKING UP IN VEGAS, Katy Perry
083. IF A SONG COULD GET ME YOU, Marit Larsen
082. WHATCHA THINK ABOUT THAT (DARKCHILD REMIX), The Pussycat Dolls feat. Missy Elliott
081. 'TIL IT FEELS LIKE CHEATING, Jewel

080. NO SURPRISE, Daughtry
079. LOUBOUTINS, Jennifer Lopez
078. GIVE ME THE MELTDOWN, Rob Thomas
077. MAKE IT LAST, Tyrese and Jewel
076. DIVA, Beyonce
075. BROKEN STRINGS, James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado
074. BOTTLE POP (RADIO EDIT), The Pussycat Dolls
073. I DO NOT HOOK UP, Kelly Clarkson
072. WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE, LeAnn Rimes
071. DO YOU REMEMBER, Jay Sean feat. Sean Paul and Lil' Jon

070. HEARTLESS, Kris Allen
069. HUSH HUSH; HUSH HUSH, The Pussycat Dolls
068. COWBOY CASANOVA, Carrie Underwood
067. THE PROMISE, Girls Aloud
066. I COULD BREAK YOUR HEART ANY DAY OF THE WEEK, Mandy Moore
065. ABOUT A GIRL, Sugababes
064. FAME, Naturi Naughton
063. INSOMNIA, Craig David
062. GET SEXY, Sugababes
061. TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART, Alicia Keys

060. IF U SEEK AMY, Britney Spears
059. THINKING OF YOU, Katy Perry
058. SOMEBODY TO LOVE, Leighton Meester feat. Robin Thicke
057. NO BOUNDARIES, Kris Allen
056. HOME SWEET HOME, Carrie Underwood
055. IF THIS ISN'T LOVE, Jennifer Hudson
054. BODY LANGUAGE (REMIX), Jesse McCartney feat. T-Pain
053. SHE WOLF, Shakira
052. JUST DANCE, Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis
051. ONE TIME, Justin Bieber

050. LOVE SEX MAGIC, Ciara feat. Justin Timberlake
049. FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE, Cheryl Cole
048. H.A.T.E.U., Mariah Carey
047. DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, Alicia Keys
046. FALLIN' FOR YOU, Colbie Caillat
045. YESTERDAY, Toni Braxton
044. BAD ROMANCE, Lady GaGa
043. COME BACK TO ME, David Cook
042. ALREADY GONE, Kelly Clarkson
041. CRANK IT UP, Ashley Tisdale feat. David Jassy

040. SWEET DREAMS, Beyonce
039. TIK TOK, Ke$ha
038. LONG DISTANCE, Brandy
037. LOVEBUG, Jonas Brothers
036. MY LOVE, The-Dream feat. Mariah Carey
035. EMPIRE STATE OF MIND, Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys
034. CIRCUS, Britney Spears
033. FIFTEEN, Taylor Swift
032. 3, Britney Spears
031. WHEN LOVE TAKES OVER, David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland

030. SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT), Beyonce

029. I STAY IN LOVE, Mariah Carey
028. DOWN, Jay Sean feat. Lil' Wayne

027. SEXY BITCH, David Guetta feat. Akon
026. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, Mariah Carey
025. TOUCH MY HAND, David Archuleta
024. I TOLD YOU SO, Carrie Underwood feat. Randy Travis
023. GOOD GIRLS GO BAD, Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester
022. MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU, Kelly Clarkson
021. IT'S OVER, Jesse McCartney

TO BE CONTINUED.

reprints: 2009 year in comic books, pt. II

X-FACTOR #45

Time And A Half

"Didn't see that one coming."

Strong Guy and the depowered Rictor tracked down a dupe of Jamie Madrox only to have Shatterstar attack them. He appeared to be controlled by the same entity who possessed their teammate M. Shatterstar was about to kill Strong guy when he experienced a sort of feedback that caused him to go back to his normal self. The first thing that he did, kiss his ex-teammate Rictor.

X-FORCE #13

Suicide Leper

"They were supposed to kill me to save you. They failed us both."

In a confrontation between X-Force and the techno-organic infected Leper Queen, the latter threatened to inject her prisoner, fellow X-Man Boom Boom with the deadly strain of Legacy Virus. On Woverine's order, Vanisher teleported behind the enemy and disarmed her. Wolverine demanded that she hand over the other two hostages but the Leper Queen said that they were sent to blow up the United Nations building. "Now kill me," she commanded. But before Wolverine and Domino can deliver the killing blow, Cyclops had them teleported to the future to hunt for Cable. The Leper Queen, frustrated that she didn't die, took a shot aimed at Boom Boom's head.

UNCANNY X-MEN #511

Sisterhood

"Whatever magic the Red Queen is capable of... whatever voodoo Spiral worked... Psylocke is still stronger. And I'm going home."

The X-Men strike teams attacked the Red Queen and their Sisterhood on two fronts - Cyclops' at the Westchester cemetery and Emma Frosts' at the Sisterhood's base. After being cornered by the British Psylocke, Dazzler fired a massive light beam, burning half of her enemy's head. This gave the opportunity for Psylocke's psyche to take control of her host body and plunge a psychic knife on its head, ultimately freeing her from the magical restraints, and sending her back to her Asian body.

DARK AVENGERS/UNCANNY X-MEN: UTOPIA #06

Exodus

"Yield."

After beating Cyclops to a bloody pulp, Osborn ordered him to surrender but the fearless leader of mutantkind just laughed at him and taunted him - pointing out that the Void-less Sentry fled the fight after seeing the horror he's responsible for, and the arrival of the Valkyrie-powered Moonstar who will then make Osborn's big gun, Ares succumb to surrender.

X-FORCE #21

Necrosha

"Can you feel it, my children? Souls."

As Utopia is attacked by resurrected mutants, Selene and her inner circle teleport to the dead island of Genosha. She commanded Eli Bard to proceed. The undead minion then plunged his hand on the ground and infected it with the techno-organic strain, effectively resurrecting the millions of mutants who died there.

reprints: 2009 year in comic books, pt. I

The following are the year's top ten OMFG moments in the X-Verse:

X-MEN WORLDS APART #04

Worlds Apart

"For all our time together, Scott Summers and I were not 'friends', not like I was with Jean, or Kurt or Logan. He was always separate. Above us. He was the leader. I understood. After all, I was the 'goddess'. I knew his responsibilities."

As her role as an X-Man and Queen of Wakanda come into conflict, Storm is forced to battle Cyclops, who was under the control of the psychic puppet master Shadow King. Unwilling to let her teammate suffer, Storm hit Cyclops with a lightning bolt to the heart.

NEW MUTANTS #04

The Return Of The Legion: Invasive Surgery

"You are many. I have many ways to kill you."

Hoping to rescue her teammate, Karma and take out Legion, Magik entered the omega mutant's psyche and defied her field leader's order by killing personalities inside. This is Magik at her fiercest.

X-MEN LEGACY #224

Salvage

"Like -- ah'm listening to the silence after a noise just stopped. And now ah can't remember what it was."

Charles Xavier's search for his student in the Australian outback comes to an end. Together with Danger, the two helped Rogue gain full control of her powers by breaking down the partitions in her mind, created every time she absorbed someone else's psyche.

DARK AVENGERS/UNCANNY X-MEN: UTOPIA #04

Utopia

"It seemed to us the people of the United States wanted us gone, so we've left. But we won't be pushed, prosecuted, persecuted, or punished any further. We seek peace and to live peacefully. Whatever happens next is beyond our control. But all the same, the whole world is watching."

Riots erupted in San Francisco, Beast was taken prisoner and Cyclops was declared as a fugitive, and the Dark X-Men was sent by Norman Osborn to take care of everything. Cyclops mobilized teams of mutants to counter whatever Osborn's moves. Before a battle between Wolverine's team and the Dark X-Men, Emma Frost, Namor and Cloak & Dagger joined forces with the former and eventually joined the rest of mutantkind on Asteroid X, now known as Utopia.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI-13 #15

Vampire State

"Brian, all I ever needed of you - my hope in hell - was that you'd stay the same."

After being trapped in hell for a long time, Meggan was taken out of it by Doctor Doom only to be served as a prisoner to Dracula. The latter's campaign to invade the Earth is almost successful if not for the empathic mutant's use of her power to broadcast a rebellion against the vampire. This slowed down the enemy's momentum, giving enough time for Captain Britain and his team to take the enemies down, prevent an invasion, and rescue his wife.

TO BE CONTINUED.

box office: 2009 year in movies, pt. II

17 AGAIN
Zac Efron
Burr Steers

Who Says You're Only Young Once?

It's an open secret. The only thing that got this film on the list was Zac Efron. Even you have to admit, the kid's really, really charming, and his wardrobe's really superb. I want!

AVATAR
Sam Worthington / Zoe Saldana
James Cameron

...

More than the actual story, a movie's wow factor also depends on its visuals. James Cameron should be thankful that he managed to make a breakthrough with his breathtaking and beautiful creation that is Pandora, the new world in his latest film, Avatar. It is a visual spectacle of the grandest level that will leave the viewers in awe. However, without the lush imagery, Avatar is left with a crude story line.

THE HANGOVER
Bradley Cooper / Ed Helms / Zach Galifianakis / Justin Bartha
Todd Phillips

Some Guys Just Can't Handle Vegas.

The Hangover is certainly the funniest movie I have seen last year. I was so busy laughing over its hilarity that I didn't even care if it's tasteless, idiotic and juvenile. The Hangover, despite its crassness, is a movie about friendship. It reminded me how lucky I am to have my own Phil and Stu.

UP
Edward Asner / Jordan Nagai
Pete Docter

...

It was over a decade ago when I last shed a tear over an animated film. Ten minutes into Up, I found myself holding back tears. While it is melancholic at times, humor is never completely lost in the movie. Given the chance, I always criticize the fact that Carl and Russell managed to pull a fully-loaded house - like, come on! But that's probably my mechanism to hide that Up indeed pulled, or moved something inside me.

500 (DAYS OF SUMMER)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Zooey Deschanel
Marc Webb

Boy Meets Girl. Boy Falls In Love. Girl Doesn't.

A story that hurts with the worst and smiles with the best. It's funny. It's brutally honest. It's enjoyable. It's heart-wrenching. It is life and love, in its truest form, caught in film. It's my story, and every romantic whose heart has been broken as well. I need an original DVD copy of this.

*******

POSTSCRIPT. I have watched roughly forty movies last year. That's three each month. Let's see if I can make it fifty two this time. Anyone care to join? =)

box office: 2009 year in movies, pt. I

Now that 2009 is over, it's time to get nostalgic for the year that was. As a tradition, I always come up with my own best of the year lists and to start it off, here's the ten best movies that I have seen for 2009.

DISTRICT 9
Sharlto Copley
Neill Blomkamp

You Are Not Welcome Here.

The movie packs enough tension to lock you in and keep your eyes on the lead star, who by the way, delivered a solid performance. But as it is more of a social commentary than a science fiction flick ala Terminator Salvation or Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, District 9 struggles to really go anywhere. It is interesting and original enough to watch, but it's a bit far from being really impressive.

THE PROPOSAL
Sandra Bullock / Ryan Reynolds
Anne Fletcher

Here Comes The Bribe...

God knows how much I adore Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. So imagine my thrill when The Proposal came out. True enough, I can't stop babbling about how good it was after the first screening, and it is only now that I realized how contrived the movie was. Then again, The Proposal is just as formulaic as any other chick flick released in the recent years. It doesn't help that the Reynolds and Bullock have zero chemistry.

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
Ben Affleck / Jennifer Aniston / Drew Barrymore / Scarlett Johansson / Justin Long / Jennifer Connelly / Ginnifer Goodwin / Kevin Connolly / Bradley Cooper
Ken Kwapis

Are You The Exception... Or The Rule?

What better way to remind us that people do a lot of stupid things when they're in love than put it in a screenplay, then turn it into a blockbuster Valentine offering. While most people, men in general, gave this movie a thumbs down, I still consider this as one of the best I've seen this year. The truth may be ugly, but it's still the truth; and He's Just Not That Into You, despite slightly exaggerating some points, showed it all.

PRECIOUS

Gabourey Sidibe / Mo'Nique / Paula Patton / Mariah Carey
Lee Daniels

Life Is Hard. Life Is Short. Life Is Painful. Life Is Rich. Life Is... Precious.

This is a triumph of a film, and I'm not saying this because Mariah Carey is a part of this phenomenon. I've never seen anything so compelling. There are scenes that are a bit uncomfortable and painful to watch and yet they remain captivating thanks to the sheer brilliance of its ensemble. Precious ends with an emotional wallop. It was made for us to learn something about us, and about life.

STAR TREK

Chris Pine / Zachary Quinto / Eric Bana
J. J. Abrams

The Future Begins.

I've never been a Trekkie but after sitting through the film, while the credits were rolling, I found myself wanting a sequel, or if not, a DVD marathon of any Star Trek-related series. It was that good. Star Trek creates this alternate universe which I want to get lost in. It's just a plus if Pine or Quinto will be there.

TO BE CONTINUED.

one minute: 2009 year in blogging

A year's worth of adventure, immortalized through One, summarized in an article readable in under a minute, or ten.

JANUARY
He was tired. Sleep was nigh. In his mind, thoughts ran like a string of prayer for him to be able to lay right then and there and magically wake up safe, whole, unbroken. The moment couldn't have been any more perfect for all of those things to sink in and be emotional.

- In Praise Of The Vulnerable Mak (Epilogue)

FEBRUARY
Some people say that friends shouldn't fancy each other. But who can blame Chris for falling for his best friend? There's always that big chance for a circumstance like this to happen. It's perfectly logical if you think about it. Who is in the better position to love someone other than the person whom someone has an affinity to begin with, a person whom someone has spent countless hours growing up and learning things with, a person whom someone has shared bouts of laughter and tears with, a person who has selflessly cared for that someone day in and day out?

- Lovebug: 14 Days To Love (Day 2)

MARCH
Life is a video game.

- It Always Ends In A Game Over

APRIL
But if all else fail, would I pray that I'm built to not break should gravity prove stronger and there's a lack of open arms to cushion the fall? Or would I just watch myself crack and bleed, to feel?
- Easter Egg

MAY
I maybe lost and my life maybe mechanical right now but in due time I'll be able to find myself again; and perhaps then, I'll be found.
- The One That I Want

JUNE
Forward, the boat moves again. Somewhere farther than it looks, there's a lighted enclave. It took some time but you now know you were never lost. Realizations always take time. And like how the darkness turned everything into nothing, fear made you blind and oblivious to the wonders of traveling by boat at night in the waters of Puerto Galera. In the last few minutes you let go, trusting that the boat will soon be ashore.
- Traveling By Boat At Night In The Waters Of Puerto Galera

JULY
It surprises me how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time it was formed. Truly, walking takes my mind farther than where the feet can take me. In as much as it lets me relive memories, walking grants me a unique sense of level-headedness in dealing with them; for memories can be crippling - holding on too tightly makes us so used to seeing shades of gray that we tend to be blind to the better and brighter things that are in front of us.

- I'm Lost But I'm Hopeful

AUGUST
It's time I'm won back.

- Side Effects

SEPTEMBER
Tonight, I want to say the saddest lines but I don't think I can. Not when I know that no one's listening.

- Everblue

OCTOBER
Caught in a flurry of flight and fight. But I shall keep on telling you that I'm alright, and I'm okay (thinking that by repeating it over and over, somewhere down the line, I will be; or you'll know that I'm really not). But if you only knew what's in the back of my mind. You were supposed to save me.

- What You Did Last Summer

NOVEMBER
I want to know.

- Love?

DECEMBER
And for what it's worth, it was a reassurance that despite the chaos that is 2009, to deserve all these, I must have been a really good boy.

- In Praise Of My Santas

*******

POSTSCRIPT. I take back what I said. I did write a lot of good stuff this year.

looking back: 2009

Two weeks before 2009 ended, Max, my external hard drive malfunctioned. After a colleague borrowed it to transfer some files, it suddenly refused to be accessed by my notebook, my colleague's desktop, and everyone else's computer units. I was in panic. Immediately, I went home to see if I can fix it but sadly, I encountered the same problem. I was left with but an option; and with a heavy heart, I right clicked on the device, whispered goodbye to my data and clicked on format. In under a minute, a decade's worth of data was lost. My mp3s, work files, drafts, my e-journal, and of course, my photo collection - they're all gone. Just like that.

If you asked me right then and there, I would have said upfront that me being frustrated is putting it lightly. I was rather having a grand time on cloud 9 when the powers-that-be suddenly decided that my happy time is up. I was short of screaming that life is so unfair. But my sulking for almost seven hours had me thinking. Just like that, Max was given a clean slate. A fresh start just in time for the coming year. The music database, I can rebuild. The drafts and journal entries, I can re-write. The pictures though, they're another thing. Some might not be recovered but pictures are just a vessel in which memories are preserved; and memories, in general, are hardly lost or forgotten.

The way I look at it, the incident, more than being a metaphor, was the last shove that I needed to let go of all the hurt that 2009 brought. Perhaps, what I lost anchored me to the past, and needless to say, I need to stop worrying about it. After all, there's a reason why it didn't make it to my future. That fateful day, I was tabula rasa. I needed to make new memories, and by happy chance, those formed thereafter are pure bliss. So when I look back to 2009, I shall look back to that point when I'm happiest. Through it, I can reflect on everything else without bitterness. So yes, I shall remember December.

*******

POSTSCRIPT. Happy New Year!