wish me well

2008 had me wishing for my US trip to push through. I sought peace of mind for 2009. Heck, I wished for it on four separate candle-blowing ceremonies. Well, maybe three since I did hope for something else that one occasion.

2010 is different. As of this writing, I have yet to come up with a birthday wish. (Also, as of this writing, I've only had one cake which my beloved brother took it to himself to cut a slice off before I could protest.) I find it a bit odd since I'm a sucker for these things but like I said - 2010 is different.

Easily, I could give you seven things that I could've wished for: a fitter body, Admutwenty, bliss, a Subaru Impreza, a new notebook, better career, and a new person. However, to force myself into yearning for these things just doesn't feel right.

Herein lies three possible explanations why I'm in this rather peculiar state:

One, I don't know what I really, really want so asking for anything lesser than that, in terms of importance and priority, just to say that I have a birthday wish, is tantamount to settling; I never settle.

Two, I'm done with birthday wishes. Maybe, the past few months, or years have taught me that birthday wishes are just that - wishes. Now, I'd rather categorize them as goals that I have to work for instead of leaving its happenstance at the hands of the powers-that-be. I like it when I have control over the variables. It makes the end goal seemingly within reach.

Third, while it may be far from what it seems, perhaps I really have nothing to aspire for at the moment. Those seven things that I have mentioned, I can as quickly come up with reasons why I don't have to wish for them: I may not have the body that I want yet but I'm a lot fitter as compared to twelve months ago; I get to see Admutwenty every so often and that's enough for me, and besides, I no longer want to get too attached to anyone anyway; achieving bliss is relative; cars are expensive - I'd rather have a baby; I still have a functioning laptop; my career is the last thing on my mind right now; and I have everyone that I need (really, you do realize these things after shit happens). I may not be jumping up and down with glee but I am quite content with the people and things that I have in my life. Truthfully, I couldn't ask for more.

So yes, there will be a lack of birthday wishes made by myself this year. But please, don't let me stop you from wishing me well. Yours are most welcome.