time enough for tears

I
don't have to close my eyes long enough
for me to see
your lips
curved to a full smile,


and I
don't have to hold my breath long enough
for me to recall
faint echoes


(of how we laughed
and whispered
of things that
only you and I
should know,)


until
I hear my own heart
beat,
erratic,
against the silence,
just like how
it would probably be
should you and I
come together
in sweet fire light,


(Fleeting moments
that we wanted to last far longer.)


and, if I
could bring myself to a stand still
long enough to remember
and choose between
how far I've traveled, and
how hard I've struggled;


if I could just stop myself long enough to seek forgiveness,
for you,
and for myself -


then maybe I could open my eyes
and breathe
and feel my heart not beat me senselessly
once again,


then maybe I'll stop thinking
and hurting altogether,


then maybe,
just maybe,
there'll be calm.

*******

But really, how hard is it to just be the one to reach out?