imperfectly happy (being alone)

My cousin from my father's side of the family celebrated her 27th birthday with a grand get together yesterday. I was, of course, invited. No. My presence was highly demanded. My folks, a week prior to the event, put it this way, "You better get your ass in there, or else". Being a good son that I am, I took a chance with the or else.

Don't get me wrong though. I would have loved to see my aunts and uncles, greet my cousin, mingle with my other relatives, and join the merriment. We rarely see each other so it's an opportune time to catch up, and show off.

However, a bigger part of me was craving for an alone time. I'm not antisocial. It's just one of those days when I would rather run errands, shop, dine or watch a movie by myself. I tell myself that I find solace in solitude. And in this time, when the demand for comfort exceeds what is supplied, I will opt for the one which I believe will be more fruitful.

But I can be wrong.

Just like how I chose to spend yesterday. I was at the gym two hours past noon and stayed there until about five in the afternoon. I tried to make amends for the workout days that I've missed. After which, I walked about the mall, drinking milk from a tetra pack, and when I got tired, I skipped along to the mall closest to my place. I wanted to watch a movie but Astroboy's next screening won't be until eight in the evening. It was six. I had two hours to spare. Coffee was tempting but I was strong enough to resist. So I hailed a cab and traveled to the outskirts of Makati's Upper East Side. The traffic along Makati Avenue was heavy so by the time I got to the place, the vendors were already packing up their stuff. Slightly disheartened, I went all the way back to the cinema, purchased a ticket, chose the last free seat on a three-seat row, awkwardly sat beside a couple during the entire film, all the while thinking of a moniker I recently chanced upon.

Astroboyisgay. Astroboyisgay. Astroboyisgay.

But he isn't, right? Oh well.

After the movie, I went home to an empty house. Prepared dinner. Watched PBB. Gushed like Carol. Then tried to get some sleep considering the circumstances. Halloween. Spirits. I'm alone, with my Boo. It sucks, I know. Fortunately, I did fall asleep very soundly.

It may seem like a non-event but it was a good quality time with myself. I got to think about a lot of things, including the realization that the whole day would have been a lot better if I had someone to spend it with. The thought kept on bugging me, and like the mantra that is Astroboyisgay, it just won't quit. So yeah, maybe I should have gone to the party instead.