dawning

I've been quite miserable lately. And it was just recently when I acknowledged the fact that I have some serious issues to deal with. That's why the break. It kills me to feel so crippled, incapable of combining words to even make a single decent statement. My muses were on strike. They refused to give me any mojo until I get things sorted out. So I gave myself till the end of the month.

It's September first. I'm far from fully sorting things out but I'm getting there. Naturally, damn muses won't budge. Well, fuck them. I'll get me some new ones because I need to write.

Writing has always been my avenue. Well that and singing (and I use that term very, very loosely). I took the time off thinking that it might give me perspective. But it didn't. I lost the one thing that kept me busy, and worse, it highlighted that I am living such a dull life.

Much like with how things turned out with regards to my personal issues. In a desperate attempt to find resolutions, I tried to put some distance between myself and my friends. I felt that I was becoming a bit too dependent, a bit too needy. I wanted to prove to myself that my being alone will put things back to how it were. I mean nobody wants to be a burden to anyone. In fact, it's not even my role. I'm supposed to be the sponge, not the starfish. Poor analogy, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, the effort was of course, futile. It was stupid to begin with. But it did remind me that most often than not, complex circumstances call for the most basic approach.

All these complications stem out from my dissatisfaction - with my writing, my relationships, my life. The old Mak would have argued that it's human nature to be incessantly wanting. But now, I just have this goal to live in the moment, cherish and appreciate people who really matter, and smile, thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.