superbad

To all Sarcasshole Wannabes:


Jumbo!

Being sarcastic is fucking hilarious, isn't it?

However, before you go out to the world and spread the love, let me share with you my knowledge on the delicate art that is sarcasm. You should always remember these by heart:

First, DO NOT abuse it. Seriously. Use sarcasm sparingly. As in. Too much of anything is… annoying. If it comes to that point, I will personally see to it that you’re brought down.

And second, know what sarcasm is before even considering using it. PLEASE.

As a reminder:

Sarcasm [sahr-kaz-uhm] is a noun defined as:

1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

and,

3. the body’s natural defense, or verbal reflex against stupid.

Notice that it goes far beyond saying the opposite of what you mean. Sarcasm necessitates wit. Wit is something not everyone is born with, by the way. It takes a certain level of sarcastitude to pull a smart ass quip. If you don't have one, then just stop trying to make it happen. It won't happen!

When used incorrectly, sarcasm can only make you appear more foolish than your intended target. But who cares about you, right? Think of the second-hand embarassment, dolt!

I know it's always fun to mock stupid people. After all, it does take an extra effort to be that thick so it is just proper to commend them for their idiotic ways. But always remember that possessing a sharp tongue does not necessarily equate to having a keen mind.

I'm just saying. It's not like you sarcassholes need my two cents, anyway.

Let me close this with our mantra - "I know my sarcasm and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Cheers!


POSTSCRIPT. Don't feel bad when your sarcasm is unappreciated. It just means that they deserve to look obtuse as they do. Don't ruin it for everyone else.