messiah complex

"Come on, tell me."

The dearest officemate kept silent for a moment before saying, "Wala rin eh."

"Me too," I said. "That's what I've been thinking of these past few days."

"Maliban sa'yo," she added with a hint of a smile.

"I know, I know," I shrugged. "But it's true. Nasabi ko naman na sa'yo yun, right? For as long as I can remember, I've always had this... I don't know if it's the right word but, this nagging feeling that I'm meant for greatness. That I'm somehow different. Not above anyone else though. Just different."

The waiter then came to serve our lunch. Per usual, I looked at his name plate before asking, "JR, may we ask for some pepper?" He nodded as he said yes. I smiled. He left and the dearest officemate and I went back to our discussion.

"It's funny because you really don't talk about these things to just about anyone. I mean you wouldn't want to sound delusional, or worse, mentally unstable, right? Sa'yo ko lang nasabi 'to and kay Striker, and that was like years back."

JR came back with the pepper. I thanked him as I handed it to the dearest officemate who prefers her food loaded with pepper. Just like I do, sometimes.

"Anyway, the thing is, hindi lahat ng tao may ganitong nararamdaman. To me, parang na-validate lang yung idea that this desire or notion that you're bound for greater things is what distinguishes the extra special from everyone else. Siyempre, lahat naman tayo special. Pero not everyone can be a scientist. Not everyone can be a rock star. Not everyone can be a hero. Sure, we're all capable of effecting change but maybe those who successfully do have that warm, fuzzy confidence, that prior, unadulterated knowledge that they were meant to do just that."

"I don't know if I'm making any sense," I said as I sprinkled pepper on my lasagna. "But her words got me thinking. It's not so much of what the future holds for me. Hindi ko na nga maalala yung details ng sinabi niya. It's more of her validation of who I am. It kind of gave me a newfound sense of direction. Now I know I'm not delusional. Crazy lang, for believing her. This is your fault," I said chuckling.

"Uy, grabe ka," she said. "Yung mga sinabi niya sa akin hindi naman generalized yun eh kaya nga medyo creepy. She knew things that only I know or kahit yung mga bagay na nakukuwento ko sa'yo about my husband. Impossible talaga, Mak."

I agreed.

"Pero hindi naman niya na-interpret yung tungkol sa panaginip ko no," she added.

"But she did," I objected.