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From my open window, I could hear the neighbor's kids shrieking, playing like it's five in the afternoon. With eyes partly open, I sluggishly reached for my phone on the side of the bed. The digital clock on the main panel flashed 1:48. It's 1:48… in the morning.

"Crap," I muttered (but I might have said something different).

In an attempt to drown out the annoying sounds and resume my sleep, I covered the side of my face with a pillow and closed my eyes. I tried to think of nothing but my mind drifted to thoughts of how my previous day went:

It was a rather ordinary day. I woke up the usual time, had my customary hot pan de sal and coffee for breakfast, did my regular work out routine (notice the redundancy), juggled calls, meetings and tens of deliverables, had lunch at the same old place while discussing the same old topic (which is love and the lack thereof) and worked some more. I went home a few past five, had dinner with mom and slept at around 7:30 PM, which I suppose is the only thing new in my otherwise standard day (sleep time’s around 9 PM).

And which, again, I suppose, is the reason why I'm awake right now.

"Crap," I whispered (though I said a different word, still).

This isn't how it should be. Life shouldn't be ordinary and I shouldn't be satisfied with keeping my head slightly above water just to say that I can get through it.

I am nowhere, and I am a non-entity.

I tell you that survival under this circumstance is a much harder struggle than say, a ride in life's outrageous roller coaster. I miss it. I miss the feeling of being sick with fear and anticipation on the way up, and the exhilarating thrill of screaming while coming down.

I need to wake up from this stupor. I have already wasted enough resources, limited and precious ones to boot. So later when I literally wake up, I need to find something that I can look forward to. Perhaps, some crazy/beautiful because life is too short to be safe; it is too short to be ordinary.

After what felt like an eternity, I opened one eye and checked the time. It was three after two and I haven't made any progress.