dude, i wanna kick the dude out of you

I was applicant #2788.

I had no way of knowing what time it is. Or how long I have been waiting for my number to be called. Again. I'm not a big fan of watches and I'm really not in the mood to socialize with strangers at that moment to ask for the time. Especially not when I just experienced first hand what's it like to have a nagdidilim na paningin. Also, I was indoors so sundials are out.

I woke up at quarter to five in the morning. Skipped breakfast. Showered and dressed-up in under thirty minutes. Waited for a cab for another thirty - I was literally inabutan na ng pagsikat ng araw sa kalye.

I arrived at the embassy just in time. I fell in line, amused by the idea of how some people entrusted their electronic gadgets to the "safety deposit" vendors lined up outside the gates. Filipinos talaga. Tsk tsk. It's already highlighted in the appointment confirmation letter that electronic gadgets (such as but are not limited to mobile phones, iPods and MP3 players, cameras) are prohibited inside the embassy. So unless you have a car where you can temporarily keep those things, or you brought someone whom will safekeep your belongings while waiting for you - I think that one should just leave those necessities at home.

Pero marami pa rin ang pasaway talaga.

I was temporarily entertained by the cute baby held by the guy in front of me. He was cute, the baby I mean. I love babies. They're so adorable. Until they grow up. Sometimes, I wish that they'd stay in that form. Don't get me wrong though, I also love kids. Just not the annoying ones.

Anyway, we were asked to enter the pavillion where I had to wait for an eternity to get a number. It was like a line for a Metro Manila Film Festival entry, like Enteng Kabisote. Many Filipinos really want out of this country, or many are really capable of having a grand vacation abroad. Thus the #2788.

I also had to have my picture re-taken. It was a sabotage. I looked amazingly good in my first picture. Darn. Now, I won't be able to look at my visa without cringing. Just like how I cringe when I look at my passport.

After being stuck in Limbo for a few more years, it was my turn to be interviewed by a consul. I was hoping to be called by the person in window 6. He's a young, stern-looking, lanky guy. His mortality rate for applicants is high but I'll take the chance. But with my streak, I was called to window 11 who was manned by a fat, balding, very stiff guy. Great.

He asked, I answered. It was going okay. Definitely not great but it was okay. Until he demanded for a certification which I should supposedly have. I told him that the papers that I handed over were the only ones that I have.

"If you don't have that then I don't think I can give you the approval," he said.

"Then how come your colleague in window 9 approved my friend's visa? We both have the same documents with us."

"Then we might have to cancel his too. It might be a mistake on our part." He paused for a moment and wrote something on a Post-It. "Sit down and wait. I'll call you shortly."

I'm number 2788. So when number 2956 was called, I decided that I've waited long enough. "Shortly" means five to ten minutes, and not an hour and a half. It's like I was waiting for the second coming. And time was even slower because I had nothing to do but stare at other people's meaningless faces. Perhaps, things would've been different if I were feeling better. I hate waiting. I hate queues. So yeah, I'm in a bad mood so scoot.

So I stood up and headed to the 11th window.

"Can I just have my passport back? I don't care if you deny my visa. I just want to go home because I'm already tired and hungry," I said. And only after I blurted out those words (and seeing his reaction) that I realized how it came off as rude.

For a second I was scared that not only would he ban me from entering US, but more importantly, he'd call the guards to escort me out and forever banish me from the embassy.

"Just a few more minutes. Hold on."

It was all that he could utter a few seconds after what seemed to be a slow-motion dramatic dialogue between us.

Shortly, he called out my number and handed me the golden ticket.

I said thanks, went back to the pavillion and paid for the delivery fee, walked out of the embassy and hailed a cab home. The driver requested if I could add P40 to the fare because of the heavy traffic going back to Makati.

I'm too tired to argue. "Kahit magkano po kuya. Iuwi niyo lang ako."

At that moment, all I could think of was giving window 11 guy one mean spirit finger.