mama

You are the one who makes me happy when everything else turns to grey. Yours is the voice that wakes me mornings and sends me out into the day. You are the crowd that sits quiet listening to me and all the mad sense I make. You are one of the few things worth remembering. And since it's all true, how can anyone mean more to me than you.
- The Carpenters, You

*******

October 29, 2007.

After having lunch at Burger King, I asked Daine to accompany me to Red Ribbon to buy a cake for my mom. It was her birthday. We ended up buying a cake and palabok which proved too difficult for me to carry by myself. But I didn't dare ask Daine to help me. Daine wasn't exactly someone you'd want your mom to meet.

"Kaya mo na ba yan? Samahan pa ba kita," Daine asked.

"Kaya na. Papasok na nga ako ng cab diba. Salamat," I replied with the sweetest smile I could muster.

October 29, 2008.

It's 5:55 PM and I still don't know what to buy for my mom. Sadness. I've been too pre-occupied yesterday that I almost forgot that it was her birthday today.

Initially, I wanted for us to have a simple celebration this weekend. And by celebration, I mean I would want her to cook and prepare a few dishes. But that would entail her doing the hard part and I wouldn't want her to get tired. Even if I am so craving for a Spaghetti.

So I asked a friend what I can give her.

"Ano kaya magandang i-uwi kay Mama... Anak? Hehe"

"Hahahaha. Uu."

"Naku. Tumawa ka naman. Yun pa naman isusulat ko sa blog ko. Bumenta kaagad."

"Ahehe. Pinag-praktisan pa ako..."

"Siyempre."

"Alam ko na! Dalhan mo si Mama mo sa Centerstage. Tapos sayawan mo at kantahan mo siya. Ala-Britney."

"Ahahaha."

"Tapos declare mo that she's going to have an apo. Haha."

"Tapos ganito: Mama: Kanino? MakMak: Uhm... Hindi ko po alam kung sino ama."

"Ahahaha. Waaa! Riot!"

"Haha."

I think my being a good son is good enough. Right?

But a cake will work fine as well.

*******

POSTSCRIPT. One February night, my mom went up and handed me a glass of milk.

"Ayan, inumin mo para makatulog ka. Ang dami mong iniisip masyado kaya ka hindi makatulog nitong mga nakaraang araw."

I wanted to tell her everything right then and there. I wanted to tell her how much it hurts and that I've never been this devastated. However, before I could say anything that I might regret in the future I stood up and hugged her instead.

I was a wreck and she knew.

"See, hearts don't think. They just act and feel. That's why they get burned often."
- Walk Away (Remember Me), February 2008