second coming

"Krus ang nakikita ko sa iyo," the elderly woman said. "More than faith, heart ang sinisimbolo niyan. Damdamin. Emotions."

I listened as she went on.

"Napansin mo ba na lapitin ka ng tao? You are drawn to people who need your help. Ganoon din naman sila. They're drawn to you to seek help in whatever form that you can give. Madali kang makagawa ng connection dahil by nature, empathic ka. It's your gift. You are a healer. A fixer of things, and in this case, mga tao. You uplift spirits, mend relationships, unite groups at kung anu-ano pa. Sige, isipin mo."

She smiled before continuing, "Much as your heart is your most powerful asset, yun din ang greatest weakness mo. Masyado kang mabait."

I tried to suppress my laughter as I stole a quick look at the dearest officemate whom I asked several days ago what, in her opinion, my greatest flaw is. Quickly, she answered, "Masyado kang mabait."

"Binibigay mo lahat-lahat at wala kang tinitira sa sarili mo. Suwerte ang mamahalin mo." This elicited bouts of laughter from our end. It was cut short though as the lady went on, "Hindi lahat ng tao na kilala mo deserve your trust. Iyan ang magiging downfall mo kaya mag-ingat."

"You're already an old soul. Sa lifetime na ito, tulad ng karamihan ng past lives mo, you are to take the high road. It's the path that you will end up choosing. Don't worry, you won't be alone. Magkaka-partner ka. Pihikan ka lang kasi. Madami diyang humahanga sa'yo. Pati nga lalake nagkakagusto eh," she said with a barely noticeable grin. "Basta huwag kang matakot masaktan. Takot ka eh."

"Hindi naman!" I said defensively.

She went on to talk about the recent flame and why it didn't work out. Then she asked, "O bakit gusto mong kumuha ng isa pang course?"

Whoa. I am in awe.

"Tuloy mo yung plano mo. Bored ka na sa trabaho mo pero huwag ka munang umalis. Hindi yang ang path mo pero you are where you are needed. Yun mga plano mong byahe, mangyayari yun. Hindi ka mamumuhay sa ibang bansa. Gala ka eh. Madaling pumasok sa'yo ang pera, pero madali ding lumabas. Parte yan nung pagiging sobrang mapagbigay mo. Mabibigay mo lahat ng kailangan ng pamilya mo pero magtira ka rin sa sarili mo. Matagal ka pang mabubuhay. Ingat lang sa lungs. Hindi ka naman naninigarilyo."

"Hindi po." I answered not realizing that I wasn't even asked.

"Pulmonya. Ang daming lamig sa dibdib mo," she said while placing her hand a few inches away from my body.

The dearest officemate shot me a knowing look. For weeks now, she has been nagging me to visit the company clinic to have the doctor check up on my cough and chest pain.

"Maganda ang 2010 mo, pero paghahanda lang yan dahil ang suwerte mo talaga ay sa 2011 pa," she concluded. "Yung hobby mo. Nagsusulat ka. Huwag mong itigil."

I wasn't planning to. I needed a few days down to recuperate. I have broken myself into tiny fragments in the hope that in time, I can put them back together so I can become whole again. Perhaps, stronger, untainted and free.

This time around, I am coming back with guns a blazing.