departure: a good friend and a glass of wine

I knew you were bound to seek my company when I left the party. I wanted to be alone so I went to the balcony to get some air. The karaoke was getting a bit boring as everyone else seems to be so busy drinking. Even if they're already drunk. Or halfway there.

It was arid. And the idea that I'm fifteen floors high (fourteen technically) makes me really uncomfortable in my high seat. I've always suspected that I'm a closet acrophobic and I guess it was high time to come out. Especially when you've decided to experiment if your spit will hit your targeted spot on the ground. I pulled you back and requested that you stay put. It's weird but I kept on having these flashes of bodies splattered on the pavement - with an accompanying silly headline in sleazy tabloids. So let's just keep those images in my head.

"Kapatid na ang turing ko sa'yo Mak," you said. "Pero alam mo naiinis ako sa'yo."

"Masaya naman na tayong magkakasama tapos aalis ka pa. Hayaan mo na lang si Manolito doon. Huwag mo na lang din pansinin yung mga taga-Hong Kong." You paused to down the remaining content in your glass, "Bawiin mo na lang resignation mo."

All these you said without bothering to look at me. This was fine because you really caught me off-guard. It wasn't because you mentioned how you treat me as your sibling, you've already shyly mentioned that for several times now.

It was more of how genuine it felt. You were very drunk. But I knew that what you said was heartfelt.

And it's true. You have been like a brother to me. I guess there's really no point in arguing when two people really mesh well. And I don't find it strange that I'm comfortable and secure when I'm with you (discounting my knowledge that you can really provide literal security to your friends thanks to your"connections").

I'll surely miss our yosi-breaks. Never mind that I don't smoke. And our lunch outs and meriendas. Remember that time when I was craving to eat at Chef D' Angelo's and you agreed to accompany me to Glorietta? You're that good of a friend. Ha ha.

Or when we watched the premiere of Atonement? It was an awesome movie by the way. Though I was taken aback by your somewhat homophobic remark to that guy who kept on walking back and forth near our seats. It was something I thought I've already grown accustomed to considering that we've already known each other for more than a year. (And the fact that we see each other at least 6 times a week). I know it?s just your typical straight macho bull talk.

Anyway, I know you were cringing when you found out it was a romantic flick. Ha ha. At least you enjoyed the Armani contest though we didn't win any prize. Oh, and the trailers too. And I?m still holding on to your promise of giving me premiere tickets to Kung Fu Panda and Iron Man. By then you'll have a proper date (and hopefully, so would I).

And speaking of dates, I know you wouldn't tell me who you are currently dating right now. Although I have an idea and I knew I got it right when you reacted when I mentioned her name. I won't push you though. Just tell me whenever you're ready. And yes, I won't judge the two of you. You two are already consenting adults and well, you are my friend. I trust your judgment. But you really have to introduce me to that girl! At least before I go?

Then I was pulled back to reality as I tried to look for words to explain why I need to leave. But I couldn't come up with a very logical reason - something that would at least match the gravity of your statement.

And I realized that you're not looking for explanations. You understand. You just have to let it out.

I've said time and again that camaraderie with officemates and the fear of losing it should not be the reason that would hinder our professional growth. Opportunities knock once or twice but friends, real friends, last a thousand lifetimes.

You are one of my real friends PaulPaul. Kahit pinagpalit mo na ako kay Jay. Ha ha. Belat!

I would've joined you guys in Havana but I'm not dressed appropriately plus I'm really tired and dizzy. And I'm not really feeling very sociable that night.

As the cab I'm in traveled the length of Ayala Avenue I realized that in the next month, I won't have someone to walk with during uwian hanggang sa sakayan ng jeep. No one to talk to about religion, or your kids, or your girlfriends, or how your boss sucks, or how much is still in store for us in our lives.

You'll be missed.


*******

POSTSCRIPT. Departure, Part I: Fish For A Company of Seven Plus Two was a bust. Last Friday, the team threw a despedida for the three of us who will be leaving by the end of the month. Two thirds of the "celebrants" did not attend the dinner party at Macapagal. Van went home straight to Bulacan. I, on the other hand, had more important things to attend to that night.

Besides, dinner with my teammates have become more of a social obligation rather than a group bonding activity.